Then sings my soul

Some mornings ago as we stood in worship, we sang two songs I hadn't heard yet.
I love that. Standing and listening to people sing from their souls to a song that is new to mine.
Every word is processed in real time and my heart yearns to know the next verse, the next words. Worship is just a part of who I am. God made me this way. Music speaks to me - loudly and often. I love a good melody, but when the words are ridiculous I don't typically like the song. Or, if I can't understand the words... meaningless.

The week I wrote this was a sweet week for my soul. Filled with laughter and card games, sunshine and sand, ocean waves crashing and finding a plethora of shark teeth. It was filled with quiet times and loud times. I read my way through an entire book, and had the satisfaction of doing my "job" from the beach and from the comfort of a couch. It was wondrous for my soul, really. It has me thinking, really thinking about what I am doing here - as in on the earth in these days.  
I cannot think of anything I'd rather do for a career than Real Estate. I absolutely love getting to meet new people, help them buy, sell or invest in a home. It combines so many of my favorite things - it is just a natural fit for me. I know that I am making a difference in people's lives as I help them in their real estate journey and that feels good. It is a great thing to truly have a job that is wrapped around serving others. So cool. I think about how God has made me - the things that He put inside of me that are ignited by different activities. Talking about His goodness and how faithful He is sets my heart on fire. Sharing my story - and His goodness with one lady in a coffee shop, a couple while out touring homes, or speaking to a room filled with hundreds makes me come alive in a way that nothing else does. I love to encourage people. I love to worship God corporately - and all alone. I am wired that way, and I used to think if it was something that brought me such joy and fulfillment it must be "of the flesh" in Christian speak - or selfish to those outside Christianity - what kind of crazy thinking is that? Now I realize the reason my heart comes alive when I am talking about Him is because He created me that way - and He likes that about me. It is such a wonderful thought that when I am operating in the ways He has gifted me, it truly makes my soul come alive. What a gracious God.

I have been thinking a lot lately about a family member of mine that is constantly looking for what is missing. He KNOWS that there is something - someone - some force out there that should be able to explain and give meaning to life. He has seen many hard days. His heart has been torn and devastated. Truly the enemy of his soul has beaten him down over and over. I am constantly praying that He find Truth, and Peace, and Hope. Those things sound like a fairy tale to him. He has lost faith in pretty much everything and everyone around him. In his words, He has "cried out to God - with no response". He has "cried out to Satan - silence". He has been reaching out to anything that feels like it has purpose or meaning - and he is so tired of searching. I love him. I love his honesty, his vulnerability to open himself up. Many try to preach at him. They tell him all of the things he should do to believe, to be better, to find meaning. Some of them have the right idea - but I feel the tactic is all wrong. A verse keeps coming to mind that I have been memorizing this week. It is in the faith chapter of Hebrews. Hebrews 11:6. It says, "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." I believe my cousin struggles because he keeps asking God to prove himself. And, the funny thing is, I KNOW that God is able to prove himself. Not hard. He could reveal himself in a thousand ways - and truly probably already has presented himself over and over. But, my cousin does not BELIEVE that God exists AND that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. He feels like God is a lot of things, but I don't think "rewarder" is on the list of his descriptive words of God. It's hard when life has been hard. Unfair. When you feel like everyone around you got a better deal. When even the people you love treat you like if they hang around you your bad luck may "wipe off" on them. So, mostly they avoid you and the one who was constant for him left this world far too young. So there is more loss and more pain, and seemingly no answers.  Sometimes people have a hard time believing the right things about Christ because His followers, "Christians" are such a poor example. They just don't love the way that Christ loves. Sometimes in the name of doing "what's right" they beat you down when all you really need is support and love. I am not talking about enabling poor behavior... but for heaven's sake - just a few kind words - a few encouragements from Scripture that are true for everyone, no matter if they are at the lowest point or the highest point. Or simply just being there - but being QUIET. You don't have to say anything at all to support people sometimes. I heard something at a small conference once that highlights this. It's a simple but poignant phrase. 

Don't try to fix me, just be with me. 

A few years ago I was in the worst situation I have ever been in. I was going through a divorce from a 17 year marriage that I had prayed for EARNESTLY. I lost my firstborn son, my precious Jacob. In one instant - he was gone... this one that brought me so much JOY.  To say finances were tight was a massive understatement. I had 4 precious children looking at me for the way forward and I felt like Anna (from Frozen II) in the cave.

Here are the lyrics to the song she sings in those desperate moments: 

I've seen dark before
But not like thisThis is cold
This is empty
This is numb
The life I knew is over
The lights are out
Hello, darkness
I'm ready to succumb

I follow you around
I always have
But you've gone to a place I cannot find
This grief has a gravity
It pulls me down
But a tiny voice whispers in my mind
"You are lost, hope is gone
But you must go on
And do the next right thing"

Can there be a day beyond this night?
I don't know anymore what is true
I can't find my direction, I'm all alone
The only star that guided me was you
How to rise from the floor
When it's not you I'm rising for?
Just do the next right thing
Take a step, step again
It is all that I can to do
The next right thing

I won't look too far ahead
It's too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath
This next step
This next choice is one that I can make

So I'll walk through this night
Stumbling blindly toward the light
And do the next right thing
And with the dawn, what comes then
When it's clear that everything will never be the same again?
Then I'll make the choice
To hear that voice
And do the next right thing

This was produced by Robert Lopez, Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Dave Metzger and Tom MacDougall from the Album Frozen 2. 

I think a lot of people going through depression - or having experienced the loss of a loved one feel like this. The grief does have a gravity. You forget what is true - you feel all alone. And no matter how many people are around you - even if they have similar experiences, you ARE alone. You are the only one that had that exact relationship. You are the only one that walking the specific hard road you are on. But, God. He is there. He delights in you. He wants to help. He offers hope and healing and restoration. He is a rewarder of those who earnestly seek him. The difference between  those who have hope and those who don't is this one thing: BELIEF that God is good. Our minds are powerful. Our minds are more powerful than we give them credit for. The subconscious mind processes more information in a few minutes than the most powerful computer. So, it isn't hard to understand why Scripture says to us things like, "Take every thought captive and make them obedient to Christ",  or "whatever is true, lovely pure... think on these things." 

You will grow in whatever you put in your mind - whether that is fear or faith. Why not choose to have faith? If you can make your mind continue to think "There is a God and He loves me. He wants what is best for me and He is good. He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." - it will give you faith and hope and peace. There are too many good studies (and too many weird studies) for me to link to here about the mind, but trust me when I say that when something is true in your mind, it is so easily proved out. Just think of all the studies done with Placebo pills instead of real medicine. It is staggering that once people think something - when they are convinced of something it alters their course, and in many ways their health... for the good or the bad. 

Of course, I am also a great believer in the natural things of this world that offer sanctuary to our harried minds. Sunshine, birds chirping, waves rolling in, snow falling, hearing leaves and twigs crack under your hiking boots on a crisp fall morning while the leaves are shades of orange you haven't ever taken in... these things are healing to our minds and our souls. There is something inside us that instinctively knows and understands that those things are beautiful and beauty heals. Who these days doesn't need healing? I don't know about you, but I find that I am fighting for joy where once it seemed so natural. The world is hard and can be so cruel. But Jesus is none of that. He beckons us to just come... and find His rest. He says to let Him carry the big stuff and we can rest that He will be faithful. I am praying that in this world filled with such strange and powerful emotions... my children can let God guide their response to the chaos with peace and love and joy and hope. We do not always get to choose what things and struggles enter into our lives, but we always get to choose how we respond to those things and struggles. 

What peace when we realize that most things are completely out of our control. 

"Grant us peace to accept the things we cannot change..."

 What fear must you overcome to pursue the things that will bring you life and joy? 

"Grant us courage to change the things we can..."

Where do you go to figure out the difference between the two of those? 

"and grant us wisdom to know the difference..." 

Settle in and choose to believe that God is good and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. Place all the things you can't change in His capable hands. Find the things that you can change - the things that He placed in you long ago that bring you life and joy- and pursue those - break through the fear inside and run towards your destiny with great hope that He will complete that which He began in you. And pray for the wisdom to know when you can change things and when you can't. 

As far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men... including yourself. 

May you find rest and strength and hope today in that which never changes - the Love of God. Whether or not you believe... God is good and He loves you.

Blessings to all of you my friends. Thanks for stopping by.