My trip to Kansas City...

So, the question of the hour seems to be “How was your trip?”

If only I had words to describe just how it was. It was beautiful. It was devastating. It was full of affirmation and hope… it was full of pain and disappointment. My heart was stirred to know Jesus in such a deeper way. My heart is ruined for this earth. I cannot enjoy the things that I used to without aching for the “more” that I know is there. I had forgotten that I was His beloved again. I knew it with all of my head, but I felt it with none of my heart. For years – literally- all I have known is what is already in my mind – truth about the Lord. I lost the “feeling” of worship many years ago. I have a quiet peace with it now. Thought it ruined me in the beginning. When I stand in worship – there is no feeling of the presence of the Lord. When I pray on my face before the Lord, there is no feeling of His presence. I KNOW He is there. It is not a question. He is with me always, every moment. I used to say my heart feels dead - broken. It does. Things that I think should make me cry – don’t. And things that never broke my heart before do. But, the greatest thing – the biggest truth is that God’s Word is true. He will never leave me, He will never abandon me. He is with me in every place, through every season. Whether I feel it or not. God does not lie.
I saw men and women (young and quite old – American, Asian, Indian…) worshipping before the Lord with all of their might. I thought of David. I thought of Michal. My heart aches for those I know who have worshipped like that and are now sidelined by the enemy. I grieved… and I grieved. My heart aches for those who have never known worship like that…unashamed – really. I know the image of that 50-something, 4 foot 11 tall Asian man jumping before the Lord in worship will never leave my mind. It brought rivers of tears from my eyes. Do we not think that we will dance before the Lord in Heaven? Why do we run from His love? Why do we not embrace how He pursues us? His heart grieves over those who refuse to understand the depth of His heart toward them. For those who continue in their own way – even without direction from His voice, because of their desires to please men. Don’t they know that was the way of King Saul?
I was devastated to look at all of the ways I pursue my own interests when He is only interested in how well I am loving Him, and as a result, loving others. I am realizing how much – though I know it isn’t true in my mind – I still feel like I have to work to gain His favor. I am learning to rest in Him again. To rest in His perfect love of my imperfect love. It is sweet.
My heart was grieved to realize how many blessings and promises we are missing out on because we have placed our magnificent God in a box. A box labeled “RELIGION”. A box for the Pharisees who cannot grasp that there is no way to gain the favor of a holy God. Even the most well meaning of us have become Pharisees to some degree. We have taken hold of the lesser and are blindly groping for abundance. It doesn’t fit in the box. Abundance beckons us to come outside the box.
I may be talking like I am out of my mind. I am really. I am slipping into a place of security in my Savior that I have missed for a long time. I am resting as He confirms things to my heart. I am listening as He speaks in the smallest whisper. He is talking to me again. He was only quiet to test my heart. In my mind, I didn’t pass… praise God that in His – I did. He sees my heart – and that is what is important to Him… my heart. Like David, He is seeking after the inside of me, not the outside of me. Praise Him that He looks at the inward appearance, and not the outward like man does. Oh, if we could just get a hold of that for real!
I am coming out of the desert… like the Shulamite in Song of Solomon whose friends said, “Who is this sweeping in from the desert, leaning on her lover?” Yes, Jesus… I am leaning on you, and it is sweetness. So, that is how my trip was. There are many more things. My precious baby literally said, “Abba.” My heart lept. He was sleeping, soundly, and there was a cry from the pulpit, “Who of you will be a forerunner for this generation?” and I kid you not, his baby arm went flying into the air. The cry came a second time, and a second time his arms (both of them this time) went flying into the air. Would you believe me if I told you it happened more than twice. It doesn’t matter if you do or not, it is true. I know he was born to worship Jesus in a time of trial and devastation. He will lead men to worship before the Lord unashamedly. I am certain of this in my heart.
I prayed for my children like never before and understood my role to prepare them for the times that are coming. Do not get me wrong, no one knows when the “end times” will begin. The judgements of God, and the rage of Satan. But, I know that we are to prepare them for it as if it will happen in their time. So that they can prepare their children – who if it is that far away can pass it on to the next generation. It is time to fear the Lord. It is time to recognize Him as a God who will bring Justice to the earth… and He will bring His judgments. Do we not remember the plagues? Do we think that He is less powerful now than He was then? I submit to you that He isn’t. My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. My God is the Almighty God.
There is much more, but I am afraid that I will run out of room to write! Praise God for the trip. Praise God from whom all blessings flow… Praise Him all creatures here below… Oh He is an amazing God! Praise God that my alabaster box is enough! Let the fragrance arise!

I love this that I found on Hope... it is interesting... simply interesting. It has challenged me to think a little deeper today. It has challenged me to revisit what I would have told you to be true in the first place - simply that our God, the One who created us, has called us for a purpose... each one of us. Are you any closer to discovering His purpose in your life - or are you just sitting by "squandering your glorious life"? Interesting for sure...

Taken from www.daveblackonline.com :
For years I have kept the words of A. E. Whitham near me to remind me of the desperate need of people for hope:
"If you knew that there was one greater than yourself, who knows you better than you can know yourself, and loves you better than you can love yourself, who can make you all you ought to be, steadier than your squally nature, able to save you from squandering your glorious life, who searched you beyond the standards of earth…one who gathered into himself all great and good things and causes, blending in his beauty all the enduring color of life, who could turn your dreams into visions, and make real the things you hoped were true; and if that one had ever done one unmistakable thing to prove, even at the price of blood – his own blood – that you would come to him, and, having failed, to come again,
Would you not fall at his feet with the treasure of your years, your powers, service, and love? And is there not one such, and does he not call you…?"

We all want to hope. The Bible says this, Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." That is my prayer for you, my friends.... love ya!

What an Exciting Time!

This is such a fun (and busy) time of life! We are waiting (on the Lord - really) on our birthmom to find us. We are waiting to see what the Lord will do with our housing situation. We are waiting to see what the Lord has for us in business (both the exisiting ones, and others...). We are waiting... and I am excited! God is moving and doing things that make us want to shout! We have been looking for a house for a while. We don't have to move. We are just feeling like it is time. We have been looking, but not found anything. A few months ago, I looked at a house and I told Ken and the realtor (our friend, Lisa Smith) that it was the most practical house we'd looked at yet for our family. HOWEVER, it was about $50,000 too expensive. That is a pretty big amount of money. The next thing I know - about a week ago, Lisa calls me and says that they are coming off of the price $50,000. But, what is more, they will take an offer $100k less. Wow! Our God is so amazing. So, there are some problems with the house (not in the structural construction), the original builder left the house a well constructed shell, but the owner finished out the sheetrock (in a hurry and it shows upstairs...) So, we contact another friend from church (Bill Moss) to see if he will look at the house with us and get us an estimate on what it will take to make the house wonderful :) Well, you will never believe - Bill Moss was the original builder! Who would know it better than the original builder? Funny to see that the original builder may just get to finish the house out yet! Again, we just smiled and thought - this sounds just like God. We aren't sure that this is the house the Lord has for us- only He knows for sure. We still just wait and pray and see how things go. But, so far, we are seeing that only the Lord can do the most amazing things. Can you imagine? Getting the most practical house for our family for less than what we thought was an ideal price? I know that if this is God's hand in our lives, He will provide just what we need... at just the right price... at just the right time. He is amazing. It is so fun to watch Him moving in our lives.

As we wait on our birthmom, we pray for her every night. What a blessing to hear my husband's heart for her. We can't wait to meet her. We can't wait to see what she is like. We can't wait to see if she is pregnant with a boy or a girl! It is sooo exciting! Again, it may not happen this week, this month, or this year... but God knows exactly when He will bring her (physically) into our lives. She is already in our hearts and prayers. I just think He is amazing. And I know that He is Faithful! His Word says that He is unable to be unfaithful (2 Timothy).

I am celebrating the fact that I belong to the Creator of all life! I have been adopted by Him. I was chosen before the beginning of the world - and so were you, if you belong to Him. Listen to this... John 16:27, "For the Father himself loves you dearly because you love me and believe that I came from God." Jesus says that if you love Him, then the Father loves you dearly. What's more is if you keep reading, He says that God loves you JUST THE SAME as He loved His own Son, Jesus. Look at this, John 17:23 " I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me."

What? He loves us as much as He loves His Son. God's Word is true. There are no mistakes. The next time you are feeling unloved, or unlovely, remember that you are loved as much as the One who is seated beside our Holy God right now! Wow... I know I don't get that. As much as I want to, I know I just don't. God is amazing. That is truth! Pray for us as we are making many decisions. Pray that the Lord will continue to be so clear, and that we will not have any agendas of our own!