Confusion, Fear, the Church and the battle for the Gospel

Today I have been steadily in battle to take back the ground of Truth in my mind.

I am thankful for friends who will stand beside me, under-gird me with prayer and wisdom. How necessary it is to have friends that consistently remind you of the Truth (and Power) of the Gospel.

My heart is very heavy because I have noticed my load had become burdensome again.  The weight of the world was literally on my shoulders.  It is so strange to know the Truth and to have experience with the Faithfulness of God, and yet still, slip back into moments where even what you know to be true doesn't hold it's ground against a particular storm that is raging. Faith begins wavering and fear creeps in.

I saw a sign at Kohls that said, "Let your faith be bigger than your fear."  

Each time I have seen it, I have been drawn to it.  I need to have my friend at 11th Street Lettering pen it for me so I can hang it big on my wall.  I have been given to fear recently.  Not just one fear, but many.  That is not the way of God.  That is not the will of God.  So, I sought out some wise counsel to help me find the root - and to press back into the Truth which rescues me from all fears.  The only thing I want to fear is my God.  And, I don't mean fear, like "what will He do to me next?", but in the way that He desires we fear Him - with deep understanding that "Perfect love casts out all fear" 1 John 4:18.

Psalm 34

I will extol the Lord at all times;

his praise will always be on my lips.

2I will glory in the Lord;

let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

3Glorify the Lord with me;

let us exalt his name together.

4I sought the Lord, and he answered me;

he delivered me from all my fears.

5Those who look to him are radiant;

their faces are never covered with shame.

6This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;

he saved him out of all his troubles.

7The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,

and he delivers them.

It was hard not to write out all of Psalm 34. It is just that good. Do yourself a favor and read through the whole thing today - like 4 times. You won't regret it.

Something that has been highlighted in my mind recently is that many good, God-fearing people have taken the way of Saul. It is devastating to the church.  Press in and hear what I am saying, because I think it is very important for this time in our Culture.  Many well meaning, but self-righteous people have become indignant that we make the Gospel something about us, and our obedience, rather than hanging it entirely on Jesus Christ.  Even now, if you are a Pharisee, I can sense the hairs beginning to bristle on your neck.  Something inside of you is so offended.  You believe you hold the power to judge a man's salvation by his works, or by one particular action. The spirit that accompanies those dangerous beliefs are so argumentative and defensive.  You feel like you are protecting God and the truth.  You probably feel exactly like Saul did as he was "breathing out murderous threats against the Lord's disciples." (Acts 9)

Saul was a Jew.  He was brought up to fear God and to serve Him.  He knew all of the laws by heart.  He knew all of the customs well.  He had much knowledge and a true fear of God.  He was not pretending.  He was not fake.  But, he was deceived. In his mind, killing Christians (those who would follow Christ) was an act of SERVICE to God.  It was his duty.  It was his strong belief.  He did not hate God.  He sought to do right by God with all of his heart. But he was greatly deceived.

 He was so deceived that it took Jesus himself, returning from Heaven to convince him his acts of service and self righteous behavior were actually wrong.  

Very wrong. 

Jesus thought is was so important that He left Heaven (again) to reveal to Saul that he was blind... and then he had a man remove literal scales from Saul's eyes because he had been blinded by his beliefs about God, and about people who were not "religious" like he was.  

There is a warning to Shepherds in Ezekiel 34 - and I am struck by the description of the shepherds responses to the sheep.  But, God's heart is revealed as He talks about restoring the sheep that were mishandled by the shepherds.  It is a good read.  I encourage you to dive in and ask the Lord to teach you more about His character from that chapter - and the chapters surrounding it. 

It is so dangerous to our souls to believe that our salvation is based on something we do or don't do. Salvation belongs to our God.  Salvation is only through Jesus.  And it is a gift.  

The message of the Pharisee becomes heavy and burdensome for those of us who have not forgotten how desperately sinful we are.  They implore us to believe through their teaching that God is disappointed in us, that He is angry with us, that we should doubt our salvation if we still struggle in our flesh.  Those with the mind of Saul cannot see their own hypocrisy, or the ways that they are persecuting true believers.  They believe that somehow God has rescued them from their wretchedness, and thankfully the only sins they commit now are sins of omission (just to make themselves feel better because they cannot actually point to any sin currently in their lives) - even though they are riddled through with pride, murder (according to Jesus) and slander of their fellow believers.  It is scary.  The scales are real.  And the destruction they do in their blindness is heartbreaking.  I believe we have many Saul's declaring their message so loudly in the church these days that true believers are running, fearing for their lives - and fighting for truth to remain strong and louder in their souls than the accusations lobbied against them. The wounds that have been inflicted have done much damage to the message of the cross, but they will not stop the true Gospel, nor do they have the power to thwart God.

Have you been hurt by the church?  Have you been wounded by other believers?  Have you been made to doubt your salvation?  If so, I beg of you to pray. I beg of you to forgive.  I beg of you to ask God for a revelation for the Saul's in your life.  Ask God for a moment where the scales are removed and sight is restored.  Ask God to help you forgive those who have wounded you.  It is FREEDOM to do that.

The days are short.  Jesus is coming back.  His church must stop aligning itself with the enemy to tear apart the faith and power that was bestowed on believers to be manifest in the church, which is led by Christ - and not a man.  The answer is not to leave the church (although if the messages have become more about man's thinking than the truth of Jesus, you may consider leaving that particular church).  The answer is not to run away from a corporate body.  The answer is to seek out those who have not forgotten the Truth of the Gospel.  The answer is to seek out believers who are ALL BROKEN, but are desperate to worship God in Spirit and Truth.  The answer can not, and will never be found in man.  The only One who can make the wrongs right is God, and He did so through Jesus.  

Do not allow the weakness of man to determine how strong you believe God is.  

Do not let the anger of man convince you that God is not loving.  

Do not allow the foolishness of man to cause you to underestimate the Wisdom of God.   

I have not followed the story about Jen Hatmaker much, so please don't freak out that I bring her up. I think some things she has to say are funny.  Like, really funny.  I think there are some places where she nails it, and some places where she gets it desperately wrong. (Although in truth I have only read one of her articles and seen a few quotes here and there from her, so my knowledge on the subject is limited)  And so many people are just devastated by her statements.  Why?  Because they set their sights on a PERSON.  A broken person with good intentions.  They sought their truth and their wisdom from her, rather than from God's Word and God's Spirit.  That is always devastating.  People are broken.  People get it wrong all the time.  I get it wrong all the time. 

Read the Word.         Study the Word.             Fall in love with the Word. 

Don't settle for one message a week that points you to the Word.  Seek out the Word in your own time and ask God to be near as you study.

Pray for God to reveal Himself to you, in the quiet places. Pray for a fellowship where you can worship God in Spirit and in Truth. Ephesians 3:10 says, "His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms." God will make known his wisdom through a body of believers.  But read this, you need a fellowship that worships in Spirit and in Truth. Not only Truth - with no room for the Spirit... and not in Spirit only, with no firm grasp on the Truth. John 4:21-24 says it like this, "Jesus replied, “Believe me, dear woman, the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship the Father on this mountain or in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans know very little about the one you worship, while we Jews know all about him, for salvation comes through the Jews. 23 But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way. 24 For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.”

Do you see it? The Father is looking for those who will worship Him that way. Another of my favorites is this: 2 Chronicles 16:9, "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." Oh Lord, help us to be wholehearted, fully committed to you - and you alone. Not to the teachings of mere men who have the appearance of wisdom - the living Bible says it this way, "These rules may seem good, for rules of this kind require strong devotion and are humiliating and hard on the body, but they have no effect when it comes to conquering a person’s evil thoughts and desires. They only make him proud." (Colossians 2:23)

God help us to remember you are searching, seeking, pursuing us.  You are not disappointed in us, angry with us and out to get us.  You are good and you seek to restore and heal and help.  You do not seek us to destroy us.  You are not out to get us.  You have not abandoned us.  Please be with those who believe they are doing good in your Kingdom, who are actually persecuting Jesus with their zealousness.  Please help us to forgive, to move forward... to encourage and uplift.  To give grace and extend love and mercy.  Please God, help us to become what we can't become without YOU.

Please hear me.  I am not suggesting you leave your church that preaches truth to go on a hunt for a church that is more "spirit filled", but I am praying and hoping if your church is heavy in Truth and light in the Spirit, you cry out to God to come again and fill that place with His Spirit.  And, I pray that if you are in a church that is heavy in Spirit, but lacking in Truth teaching, that you will cry out to the Lord for the Truth to grab hold.  And whatever group you fall in with, that  God will set the balance right in your own heart (AND MINE TOO!!) as well as the corporate body you worship alongside. Oh that we would be the generation that worships Him in Spirit and in Truth that will usher in the King of Glory with our worship.   

The Gospel is the good news that Christ came to set us FREE (not put us in bondage). He came to save us from our wickedness (because we will NEVER get it right on our own).  He alone took the penalty of death - even went to Hell - so that we would not have to.  We simply have to believe. 

When a man (Siris) asked what he must do to be saved, he was told "Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved." Acts 16:31. Romans 10:9 says, that if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.  Jesus is the way, the truth and the life - and no one comes to the Father, except through Him.  That is the Gospel.  He came to rescue and redeem.  He came to give life and life abundant.  The one that came to destroy us was the devil.  Please don't get the two confused!

If you have run from God and the church because you have been wounded... please consider starting with a simple prayer to the God who you may have come to misunderstand.  Ask Him to reveal Himself.  Set aside some time to just sit with Him.  Maybe put on some worship music.  Maybe sit with your Bible in your lap.  But, sit with Him and let your soul be still.  Believe that He is good.  He is altogether good.  Believe that He is for you and not against you.  Believe that He has a good plan for you.  Ask Him to show you how to rest in Him again.  How to open your heart up again to more pain that will come when you surround yourself with the broken people of the world.  But, go out and do what you were created to do.  Don't let people stop you from your God spoken destiny.  Every light, no matter how small overcomes the darkness.  Go out and shine and bring some hope to the weary ones.

That's just not me...

 It's funny because I don't post a lot on Facebook.  I love to look at my friend's pics and read their status' because I love them, and I love keeping up with a part of their lives this way.

But, to be honest... much of my life isn't polished or pretty.

It's just not me to have my kids all dressed (in matching clothes) holding signs that were made with according to a cute DIY Pinterest project.  Please don't think I am bashing those that can do this.  It is simply not me.  I am not crafty, or creative on my own.  I don't have time to do the pinterest project because I am not exactly the best manager of my time.  I do good to make sure they are wearing shoes.  And, to be honest, we did forget Jude and Mia's backpacks.

So, I feel like a horrible mother if I compare myself to other mom's on social media.  I forgot to take first day pics of my littles... and the baby was still in the clothes she slept in.  We had other priorities.  Eating.  That was important.  Bible study... oh Lord help me to continue to be faithful in this for this year with my kiddos!  And, the ever popular getting them to school on time (we were probably late 35 days last year).  I wish I was kidding.

So, I just don't compare.

I love my family.  I love my hectic life.  I love the areas in me that need growth.  I am not perfect.  I don't have it all together.  I more agree with the meme's that you see that say something like this:

Seriously.  Yes.

I do not love Maddy and Jared more because I managed to get their pictures on FB.  I literally hesitated for a minute to post them since I didn't have all of my kids together.  Heaven forbid someone take that to mean something it doesn't.  It just happened, that at the moment I had a minute to pick up my phone, they were the only two dressed and ready for pics.  And so it was.  

Anyway, all of this to simply say... be you, and be happy with who God created you to be.  With all of your strengths (which people will praise) and your WEAKNESS (which people will NOT praise).  Never quit growing and learning to be better.  Listen to God when He wants to strengthen you in an area that you are weak.  But, I would rather see the real you - and hear your real life in person or on social media than I would to see a bunch of staged pics that don't capture even the broken pieces of you, or the imperfections in your day to day.  .  

This is one of my favorite pictures, not only because I ADORE the girls that are in this picture with me, but because it was a candid photo.  Everyone was acting just how they are.  And how they are is absolutely precious and beautiful to me.  

So, today, my one encouragement to you, is simply to not only allow yourself to just be YOU, but actually learn to like who YOU are.  No one else is made just like you.  And, you were made the way you are for a reason.  Here is one of my favorite verses that reminds me that God isn't gonna give up on me any time soon.  Philippians 1:3-6 "I thank my God every time I remember you.  In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." 

Praise be to God.  He will finish what He started.  And the work He started was good.  :)

I am not alone...

The title for this post came so easily.

I am not alone.

The Truth residing in those words is all we have to hang on to some days.  It is true.  No matter which days it doesn't feel true.  God's Word is true, and it is true when we feel it, and true when we do not.

I thank God for His grace to believe that - because it is only by His grace I do.

This past month has been something difficult to understand, something difficult to put into words.  Have we all felt that way?  Haven't most of the days become overwhelming?  Haven't we wearied ourselves with work and with worries to the point of forgetting that this earth is not where we will be forever?  Haven't we taken up residence here as if this is all there is?  I am tired of living that way.  I am tired of living as if this earth and all it has is all that will be.  How pitiful if it were.

Thank God, friends.  There is much more.  There is a crystal river that flows from a throne.  And those who have trusted Jesus for eternity will never grow tired or weary, or thirsty or hungry or sad again.  Not ever.  Not in the presence of that river, not in the light of eternity.

On Wednesday this week, we had a Dr. appointment.  Just a regular check up.  Our baby boy has been so active - and so seemingly healthy, growing inside.  It was our (almost) 6 month check up.  Last month his heartbeat was elusive.  We had to get the ultrasound machine to verify that he was just a wiggly booger, and that it was nothing worse.  Moments later we heard that sweet sound.  We saw his sweet body.  We knew he was okay.  This month, it was a repeat.  The baby's heartbeat was not to be found.  In came the ultrasound machine, and I laughed a little at how this boy was giving us a run for our money.  And then came that image.  The all too familiar stillness.  The lack of a sweet blip on the screen.  The silence.

No heartbeat.

No movement.

Just stillness.

In shock I sat staring at the screen.  Just shock.  There were no words.  My mind became blurry.  My thoughts couldn't connect.  I literally couldn't think.  I couldn't move or speak.

I have known the loss of 2 children already on the earth.  One I held and I raised for 15 years.  One I never held... never knew if it was a boy or a girl.  12.5 weeks I carried that sweet one inside.  Longing for the day I would get to hold him/her that never came.

Not again, Lord.  Please.  I BEGGED you after the last miscarriage not to let me carry another that would end in loss.  Lord, I know you heard me.  I know you love me.  I know you want only good for me.  I asked you, Lord.  I pleaded for an empty womb before a womb that would carry a baby only part of the way.  23.5 weeks.  Almost 6 months.  2/3 of the way there.  This couldn't be.

Our ways are simply not His ways.  His thoughts are so much higher than ours.

The day drug on.  We prayed.  I prayed and believed that God would give us a miracle.  I believe with my whole heart (not believED... STILL BELIEVE - present tense) that my God is the same God that brought Lazarus from the grave after 4 days of deaths sting.  I believe that He is the same Jesus that raised people from the dead - and healed those sick with disease.  He is that God.  He is not less powerful... and He is no less loving than He ever was before.  I asked some friends to join with us, believing for a miracle.  And we prayed.  And we believed.  But, Friday night we went in and Saturday night our baby was born, and there was no breath in his lungs.  There was not light in his eyes.  Our Malachi was already with Jesus.

You see...  There are some dangerous teachings out there that steal from the Truth of the Gospel.  There are teachings that say if you believe enough... if you have enough faith, whatever you ask you shall have.  But, friends, our WILL, what seems good and right and fair to us does not dictate what good and right and fair really are.  The Word is clear that it is whatever we ask in His Name... according to HIS will, will be given.  And it has never been our actions that have healed.  It has been Jesus from beginning to the end.  Our faith can move mountains... our faith can heal.  But, we do not see all things.  We do not always know what is best, and we do not get to dictate to God who will be given life and who will pass from the earth.

The hard part of living on this side of eternity is that we are unable to really know good according to God.  We do not have the wisdom to discern the whole plan He has for our lives individually.  We just don't.

Other people would believe that God takes away because of our sin.  As a punishment - a teaching tool.  Oh how damaging to the Truth.  God is a God of justice.  He will not tolerate evil forever.  However, I plead the blood of Jesus over my life.  I have never been and never will be good enough to please God on my own.  All I have is the testimony of Jesus Christ.  The blood He spilled will be the only way that I can stand before a holy God for eternity.  It has not ever been because of my choices or my obedience that I have had blessings.  Since I was a little girl who cried out for Jesus to rescue me - I have been covered by that blood and in my God's sight I have been washed clean.  No, this was no punishment.

When we try to explain spiritual things that have understanding beyond our comprehension, we often diminish who God is.  We try to make things fit in a neat little box, and this life is not a neat little box of lessons - easy to figure out.  The only thing simple is that there is One who has gone before me, and He will never leave me.  He promises to lead me according to Truth, and under a banner of love.  And He has never broken a promise.  Not ever.

I told God that day, all day... I would praise Him from my rooftop if He brought our little one, our little Malachi James back from the dead.  But, I told Him, that even if He would not answer my prayer for the miracle I was desperate for... I would still praise Him from the rooftops.  He is not only worthy of my praise when everything in my life looks like blessings and hope from my perspective.  He is good, and He is loving even when life looks like I am sinking... drowning even... in sadness and sorrow.

I praise Him.  I praise Him from the very depths of my (grieving) soul.

His Word is True.  His heart and intentions towards me and my family are good.

He loves me.  Not because I have ever deserved it, but because of my faith that Jesus has taken my place.

I PRAISE HIM.  I cry out - sometimes without words, just from the deep places that I am not alone.  HE will NEVER EVER EVER FORSAKE ME!!  He will not.  He can not.  He is faithful... no matter if I am faithful.

I love God.  I praise Him.  So long as there is breath in my lungs, I will praise Him.

I am weary.  So weary.  Tonight my body reminds me that I have delivered a baby.  A precious boy that I held for over 5 hours.  It reminds me constantly that I am supposed to have a baby in my arms, nursing and snuggling me close.  It seems a cruel reminder.  I am not strong.  I am not super holy.

I am broken.
I am weary.
I am weak and tired and sad.
My body is hurting.  My mind is still messy.

But, the Holy Spirit inside of me is rising up... reminding me that I am not alone.  I can come to Jesus and He will give me rest.  I know that He has me hidden underneath His wings.  The song I have posted at the bottom is the perfect way to end.  It is the cry of my heart tonight.  It serves as a reminder to myself that the Truth is still True.  Hopefully it will remind you of that same thing.   Please, listen to the song and surrender the hardest places in your life to the God who will NEVER leave you if you invite Him to take over.

It does not mean that life will be easy.  Oh, my heart is grieved over my 3 babies and my momma in Heaven.  Life will not be easy.

But, there is something that is stirring deep in my soul.  In my weakness I am asking for His strength. In my sadness I am asking for His healing.  In our grief, I am asking for Him to remind me that we have the Hope of Jesus as an anchor for our wandering souls.  My hope is not of anything in this world.  My hope is that my Jesus will come again, and this world will come to an end... and there will be so much more... so much more than we could imagine in store.

Drink from the crystal river my precious momma and Jacob and sweet baby Carolyn (or Joshua) and our Malachi James.  We will be there to drink with you soon enough.  And, until then, I know Jesus will be sitting at the right hand of the Father making intercession for us to get through this life in a way that is honoring to God.  To Him be the glory, when we understand and when we do not.

Last thought before the song...   I bought the groceries today to have a "thanksgiving meal" later in the week.  Turkey, dressing, gravy... the works.  It was accidental, but God stirred me to want to eat those things, and we will, as a family, participate in thanksgiving right here in the middle of April.  We will sit and be thankful for the children we have on the earth, still in our arms... and so many other things. Please pray for our family to embrace thankfulness during this time.  The days can be so dark if we don't choose to look for the light.


Kari Jobe- I am not alone

When I walk through deep waters I know that you will be with me.
When I'm standing in the fire, I will not be overcome.

Through the valley of the shadow, I will not fear...
I am not alone, I am not alone. You will go before me, you will Never leave me
I am not alone, I am not alone. You will go before me, you will NEVER leave me.

In the midst of deep sorrow I see your light is breaking through.
The dark of night will not over take me, I am pressing into you
Lord you fight my every battle
and I will not fear

I am not alone, I am not alone. You will go before me, you will Never leave me
I am not alone, I am not alone. You will go before me, you will NEVER leave me.

You amaze me, redeem me, you call me as your own
You amaze me, redeem me, you call me as your own

You amaze me, redeem me, you call me as your own

You're my strength, you're my defender.

You're my refuge in the storm

Through these trials, you've always been faithful

You bring healing to my soul

I am not alone. I am not alone.  You will go before me, you will never leave me

I am not alone. I am not alone. You will go before me, you will never leave me

I am not alone.  No I am not alone.  You will go before me.  You will never leave me.  

I am not alone. I am not alone. You will go before me. You will never leave me. 

I am not alone. I am not alone. You will go before me. You will never leave me. 

I am not alone. I am not alone. You will go before me, you will never leave me.  

Beautiful day to be still...

What a sweet morning to sit and be still.

Birds are chirping on my back porch.  It is beautiful outside.  I have the perfect mix of quiet, the Word, and just the right temperature of coffee...  Indeed this morning it is easy to be thankful.

I haven't been here in a while.  I have missed it.  I have had so many things to say, but nothing worth saying.  I have wrestled through so many emotions, and yet, somehow, it wasn't the right time, or space to put them in writing.

Next week will be three years since I lost my Jacob.  3 years.

This past week I have struggled some days just to function in a "normal" way.  I have struggled just to breathe at moments when it all hits.  I have grieved with several other families as I have seen their loss.  Friends who are dear to me, who are going through unimaginable pain right now.  And some who I only know through the Facebook posts of others.  I know the pain.  I remember like it was yesterday the moment when the reality hit that my boy was not coming back to me.  He was gone.  I remember my friend reading Scripture to me all throughout the day and night so that I wouldn't completely lose hope.  Sleep was elusive.  Sometimes it still is.

I am so grateful for the time I had my son on the earth. SO grateful.

What a gift God gave me in that child.  What a gift for all who knew him.

In this past few weeks of loss and grieving with other families, I have realized what a gift it is to know how to pray - even though I wouldn't wish that on anyone.  Truly, it is an honor for me to lose sleep in order to pray.  I am asking the Lord to keep this alive in me for many months.
You see, many people will reach out right now to offer help, and just to be there for these families.  But, in a few months time, it will be "old news".  It won't be a fresh grief for those who mean well.  Time heals for everyone but the ones who have experienced the loss first hand.  The phone calls and the meals... the prayers and the offers to help will cease because it will be far from the minds of those who are directly touched by the loss every day.  It is those times that I am begging the Lord to stir my heart to pray.  I encourage you, if you know a family who has experienced deep loss... PLEASE set an alarm on your phone for 2 months from now.  Set it as a reminder to call them, or stop by with something nice - and have time to talk about their loss.  To them, it isn't something that happened a while back.  It is something they woke up feeling this very morning.  I urge you to reach out in 4 months, and 5 months - with a word of Scripture reminding them that God is for them, and not against them.  I encourage you to pray for them weekly.  No matter how "well" someone seems to be doing, I assure you when they have experienced loss - their minds alternate between truth and pain constantly.  It is a battle not to lose hope or lose heart.

If I have any sweet friends who have experienced loss recently - or really ever - who are reading this, can I please take a minute to speak truth to you?  Will you just slowly read and process these things with me?

1. God is good.
2. His love for you is pure and perfect.
3. He has not left you or forsaken you.
4. You will have days marked by joy, more than pain again.
5. You still have a purpose.
6. You will make it through this because God will not leave you, and He will not forget.
7. You are seen. Your tears matter. You are not overlooked or passed by.
8. You are loved.
9. You are known.
10. God will help you. He will draw near. He can handle your emotions- all of them, and He will not love you less because you struggle with fear, or hopelessness, or moments of dwindling faith.  He will never pull back.  He will never accuse.  He knows your heart.  He has felt this loss.  He gave His Son... He handed Him over to suffer a horrible death - and He had to turn His face away.  He couldn't watch or intervene - because His purpose was for you and me to be able to have fellowship - unbroken fellowship with Him.  And there was only one way for that to happen.  He knows your pain.  He catches your tears in a bottle.

I rejoice today in the beauty of the day, even in the pain of these losses because this is a temporary life.  This world, and all of its brokenness is fading.  Eternity is coming.  Jesus will return. This pain will end, and we have the assurance, the blessed assurance that God will complete the work He has started in us.  He always sticks to His promises.  Always.