A story that never gets old....

Faithful God, precious gift...

The phone rang at 5:18 Sunday, December the 7^th in the evening. Something inside of us just knew. Ken even knew that she was already born, already here, just waiting for us to come and get her. We listened carefully as Don helped us understand that situation. Now, I will back up, because already we have missed some very important points.

For some reason, each pregnancy – before we were able to find out… I knew whether we were having a boy or a girl. God whispered it in my heart. I don’t have an explanation, other than He is a kind God. He told me with each baby what to expect. It was never a surprise at the ultrasound. Adoption, though outside of my body, was never outside of my heart. In the same manner that God spoke to me about my biological children, He spoke to me about our precious adopted baby. I told Ken before we ever completed the paperwork that I believed we would be having a Hispanic-mix baby girl. I told several of my close friends, and my sister as well. So, as we spoke with Don, and he told us about our little girl, there was no surprise when he said that she was a Hispanic- mix baby girl. Ken hugged me very close to him as we listened on two different phones and we both just stood there in awe of the Lord. (Romans 2:4, “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?”)

As we hung up the phone, we shared story after story (in about two minutes) of reasons that this was almost exactly as we thought it would be. I pass our adoption agency every day on the way to take the kiddos to school. For the last two weeks I have thought “They could call today” every time I passed. There wasn’t an anxiety, or pain in my heart… it was more of a matter-of-fact kind of thing. They could call… and I would pray for our birthmother and our baby each day until they did. I was walking through the store and it came to mind as I passed a pink sleeper to buy it… and then again as I passed a little girl Christmas stocking. I walked off, thinking I was a little loopy to be thinking of that. For heaven’s sake, we haven’t even gotten a call about a mother looking at our book…

I had hoped to meet our birth-mom before she delivered. I wanted her to know so many things. I wanted her to understand how we pray for her all the time, and how important it is to me that we keep in touch with her. I wanted her to know that I think she is amazing for carrying the baby for nine months and then making such a self-less decision. I wanted to hug her, and laugh with her…just to take care of her some way. But, the Lord had other plans. (Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21)

So, back to Sunday, December the 7^th. The next few days were a whirlwind of events. The Lord was so gracious to us. I don’t understand why He loves us the way that He does. We laugh because nothing ever happens in our lives that happens to “normal” people. The daycares – not “normal” business purchases by any stretch of the imagination, but fully His hand. We are used to not being normal. I know some of you are laughing hard right now. But, it is true. We almost have grown to expect the unexpected. The next morning as we did our Bible study, I read the scripture in Psalms that says, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the Name of the Lord our God.” (Psalm 20:7.) The kids and I talked about the Lord’s Sovereignty, and even though we didn’t know exactly what our birth-mom would choose, we KNEW that God was in control, and that He is trustworthy!!! We also read Psalm 111 and were reminded that everything that God does reveals His glory and majesty. Yes, Lord EVERYTHING. The good things, and the hard things. It blessed my heart to hear Jacob pray for our birth-mom, and the situation… “and we know that if she gives her baby to us, you will reveal your glory and if she gives her baby to someone else you will reveal your glory…” Wow. Yes, Lord. Reveal your glory indeed!

We went to the hospital the night we got the call. We didn’t want to tell anyone why we were there, or what our intent was. Honestly, we didn’t have any right to. We just simply went there because we knew our little girl was there, and we needed to pray for her – where she was. We couldn’t even get a glimpse of her, but we stood outside the window for a long time and just stared inside the glass. As we stood there, I reached down to put my hand on my stomach. I had the most enormous butterflies in my stomach. Ken looked at me and smiled. He said, “Welcome to my world. This is my fifth time to have these butterflies.” I hadn’t said a word, I had simply touched my hand to my stomach. And then, he said this… “every time one of our children is behind that glass, this is how I feel”. I just began to smile and cry. Yes, our little girl was back there, there was no doubt in our minds. It is precious to me that God would allow us to feel that. I will always treasure that feeling, those moments in the hospital before we could even see her. We stood outside the window and prayed (and cried) and then we left – with a certainty in our hearts that we would be back to get her. It was a precious (but hard) night.

The next several days seemed to drag on, and yet, seemed to go by so fast. I praise the Lord for the ways that He had prepared Ken and I for what would come next. Our birth-mom had really leaned towards adoption, but then, at the end, she changed her mind, and there was the potential for one of her family members to take our little girl. We called all of our friends and asked them to pray. We knew in our hearts that we were to pray for her as our little girl. But, we asked if others couldn’t pray the same (that she would be ours), then they should pray the Lord’s will over her life. I can’t describe to you why we believed so strongly. I guess the Lord had done so many things to show us that she was ours we knew it would be sin to doubt Him. Maddy even showed me an entry in her prayer journal that was dated the day that Mia was born. It said, “Dear God, I pray for our birth-mom, wherever she is. If she is in Texas, or in Bryan, Please keep her healthy. Amen.” Just as she was going to the hospital in labor with our second daughter, the Lord put her on our first daughter’s heart. These things are precious to me. There are a hundred stories like that. I know that we can be afraid to presume upon the Lord… to think that our will is really His, but in this case, He made it very clear to me that I was to BELIEVE Him. (2 Samuel 7:28 "O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant.") Nothing more and nothing less. He is God. He is not obligated to do anything just because I believe it to be true. But, He is God, and if He asks me to pray believing Him, then I had better listen. Matthew, Mark and John all talk about praying and believing. For the first time in my life I believed wholeheartedly for something that I didn’t yet have. I knew that my circumstances don’t change His character. I was not saying that if He didn’t do things the way I thought He would that He had messed up, or tricked me. But, He would not allow me to doubt at any level. He would not allow me NOT to presume that He is exactly who He says He is. I know the tricky part is that we are human and we make mistakes. We can be deceived… I can hear a whole list of reasons in my head why that is tricky. And if we ever say that God is less than who He is based on a circumstance in our life, then we have fallen away from the truth. Mia is His daughter first. He did not owe her to us. He was not obligated to give her to us. Just as at any moment He could take away any of our children, He could have her. But she was His gift to us. That we knew in our hearts. He made it so clear to me that I couldn’t hide behind “not presuming” – for me at that moment it would have been rooted in nothing less than doubt that He could do what He said He would – it would be a safety net in case He didn’t come through. As in Acts 18:27, He gave me the grace to believe Him, and I will NEVER forget it.

As the days unfolded, there were meetings. Meetings in which, it looked very slim for us to be getting her, even temporarily. We heard about things that just don’t happen. We heard one thing for fifteen minutes, and then we would get a call saying the exact opposite. And we prayed. We fasted as a family for the first time ever. My children were precious as I told them that they didn’t have to fast with me, but I invited them to. And each one of them decided not to eat breakfast! It was precious to me. They sought the Lord in prayer for their little sister… and later that night, we brought her home.

Oh there are many more things…

This is entirely long, and I could write for hours more, but I will close with a letter that I wrote to our precious little girl before we got the call that we were to come and get her.

My precious Mia,

I don’t know how to tell you what has gone on in your daddy’s and my heart over the last few days. Words seem inadequate to describe the certainty we have that you are our daughter. Even as I type this, I realize that I haven’t seen you. I haven’t heard you. I haven’t held you. But I know you are ours. I asked the Lord this morning if I could see you today. I want badly for you to know I am here… waiting just to hold you and love you and help you understand how loved you are.

Daddy and I came up to the hospital to pray over you. We wanted so badly to catch a glimpse of you… or hear your cry. As we stood in the window, I got butterflies in my stomach. Even my body knew you were close… so close. Daddy said very precious words to me then. As I put my hand on my stomach, he said to me that this was his fifth time to have those butterflies. And then he said this, “Every time one of my babies is in there, this is how I feel. And it doesn’t go away until I have them in my arms again.” Daddy and I are aching to hold you. I will always treasure that feeling, that moment… always…

It is amazing to me that God chose you before the creation of the world to be in our family. He chose you for us. He wrote you in our hearts long before we knew you. He chose your birthmother, Candice to carry you… to give you life. She wanted badly to raise you herself, but God made it clear that the most loving thing she could do for you was to place you in our arms. So, just as our arms ache to hold you now, her arms ache to hand you to us. She loves you, precious Mia.

She gave you the name Destiny. I smile as I think about the Lord’s hand in that. You have a wonderful destiny indeed, my daughter. God has chosen you. There is a great battle taking place in the heavenlies even now over your life. The enemy does not want you to come home. But, our God is the Almighty warrior and I am confident that you will be in my arms soon. I am praying that we can bring you home tomorrow. I cannot wait to see your eyes, comb you hair and touch your face. I want to see every inch of you – and memorize it. No matter what time in your life you read this, and no matter how many times… I want you to know that there is NEVER a reason to doubt that you were born to be our daughter. God does not make mistakes. You, my precious one were destined to be a child of God’s and our daughter. Never let the enemy steal that from you. You have a great heritage, both through your birthmother’s family, and now, praise the Lord – from ours.

We love you from the depths of our soul,

Mommy and Daddy

I almost fell for it...

Today I came disturbingly close to falling full force into the trap the enemy had set for me.  But, praise be to God that “He makes my feet like the feet of a deer and enables me to walk on the heights...” 

I got “the” letter today.  The one that has wrong information about the “facts” of the daycare closing.  It’s the same letter that beckons me to believe - I just wasn’t good enough.  I’m a failure, and my name is ruined.  It is the one that almost trapped me into thinking that my value could be determined by the mere opinion of a fellow man.  It is the one that made me reconsider defending my own glory - which is a far different thing than desiring the Lord’s glory alone.  It was a well-set trap.  But, my God is a God who delights in Truth.  And, His Word is full of that Truth.

Just before Jesus was crucified, He prayed for all Believers, and He specifically prayed for you and me -  those of us who would follow Him without ever having sat with Him at supper.  He prayed for those of us who would Believe on His Name and be saved.  He asked His Father several things.  One of them was this, “My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. 16 They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. 17 Sanctify them by the truth; your Word is truth.” (John 17:15-17).

We will be sanctified by the truth.  His Word is truth.  His Word is what will sanctify us. 

To be sanctified means:  the act/process of making holy, consecrated according to Holman’s Bible Dictionary. 
Webster’s defines it like this: to set apart to a sacred purpose...

As believer’s in Christ, we are set apart to a sacred purpose for sure.  We need His Word to guide us into all truth.  Colossians 3:16 “just happened” to be the verse of the day today on my phone’s daily Bible app.  It says this, “Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” 

The Word of God should dwell in us richly.  It teaches us.  That Scripture says that we should have it dwelling in us so much that we can teach and admonish one another in all wisdom.  Scripture yields wisdom - straight from One that has all things and created all things.  I love how it says, “with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” 

Thankfulness is key. 

I, for a moment, forgot how thankful I am for what the Lord has done through this already. 

I am filled with gratitude.  In the deepest places, I am greatly rejoicing over His hand of protection and unfailing love towards me. 

I was rescued.  I am treasured.  I am going to rejoice to the same degree that I get to share in His sufferings.  The false accusations I have received PALE in comparison to those He received. 

I am human, and flawed.

He was perfect.  No mistakes.  No flaws.  Without blemish. 

He was tried, beaten, mocked, spat upon and crucified - and He did nothing wrong.  Not one thing.

I feel like Job as he stood in the storm - right in the very presence of God’s power and said, “my ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.” (Job 42:5)  His next move - he despised himself and repented in dust and ashes.

I am afraid too often that is my problem.  I do not despise myself.  I am not talking about not having self esteem.  I am talking about loving my “self”, loving my flesh.  Loving my name more than I love His.  I wish you could hear my heart screaming!  “I DO NOT WANT TO LOVE MY NAME MORE THAN I LOVE HIS!!!!!” 

Lord, Jesus, help me get this!!  These are the times to bring Him glory.  These are the times to worship Him and serve Him only.  Ugh, when will my flesh understand that it is not about me!

So, here it is...  a confession long overdue this day:

He alone is beautiful. 
He alone is worthy.
He alone is the Creator. 
He alone deserves ALL glory and praise.
He alone can redeem my life.
He was and is, and is to come.

May His Kingdom come and His will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

A Jacked-up system makes for messy childcare....

I am not one to get on soap-boxes (typically), but there is so much ignorance about Childcare.
I love that there is a department that makes it their business to see that children are kept safe.  I love that there are rules that people have to follow in order to be "licensed".  Rules are important.  Rules save lives and keep kids safe.
But, please understand that rules for the sake of rules and taken out of context niether protect children, nor reflect accurately what happens in a facility.
Many people (in Texas) are uninformed about the role of State licensing - and exactly how they go about enforcing thier "minimum standards". Things are going to happen when there are children in a facility.  Let's face it, things happen at home when they are with mom.  How many times do children fall down and hit their heads, or get scratches on their knees - at the park - with their mom's who love them and are watching them carefully.  How many times do children get bitten while playing at a local fast food place with perfect strangers.  It happens.  Children are children, and that in and of itself means there will be incidents.
If a center is honest, they will "self-report" when things happen.  That means, even though no one else is going to "tell" on you - you call State when something happens at the center that is outside of the minimum standards.  Self-reporting is a minimum standard - and again, I highly approve of that.  However, most centers do not self report.  And, I will tell you why.  There is no benefit in doing so.  Other than a personal moral belief system that would dictate honesty, there is really no good thing that comes from reporting yourself as a center.  The center is thus "investigated" and typically cited with high non-compliances that stick with the center for 2 years.  The teacher typically does not have any accountability for her actions - but no matter the course of action the center takes against that teacher, they will hold the center liable for 2 years.  There is no difference in the penalty when a center reports itself (which shows honesty and integrity in the leadership), and when a center does not report an incident - but gets "caught" when a parent or other staff member (with integrity) reports it.  At this moment, let me tell you that I do have a personal moral belief system that dictates honesty and integrity.  I follow Jesus Christ and I will obey the laws of the State, because, it honors my God to do so.  That is the only reason I self-reported after witnessing the consequences of that honesty.
Many people when they are looking into the records of centers in their area, do not understand that the "Center" doesn't actually commit the non-compliance (this is the terminology for "breaking the rules").  It was not the building, and not (typically) the Director or Assistant Director that chooses to make a decision that leads to a non-compliance.  It is typically a staff member - acting on their own that chooses not to obey the standard.  However, it is reflected on the center and the Director - and not on that staff member.
For example (based in real life):  A staff member goes to 8 trainings in 6 months.  In those trainings, she (along with everyone else) is repeatedly told not to ever leave a child unsupervised.  Two of the trainings are very specific and informative about EXACTLY what supervision means.  This staff member is trained to always count her children (by name and face) and has a clipboard with a list of her children in her class with her at ALL times.   However, one day this staff member gets ill (stomach virus - hits during class) and calls for another staff member to take her class.  She has just come into the classroom from the playground and hands her clipboard to the incoming staff member and runs to the bathroom to be sick.  She (because she was going to be sick) did NOT do a name to face count of her children before she handed her class over to the incoming teacher.  The incoming teacher immeditely takes the clipboard and does a name to face count and realizes she has one less child than her roster says.  The outgoing staff member had left a child on the playground.  She immediately calls for another "floater" (this is a teacher who is on staff simply to help when children need to go to the bathroom or have accidents) and that teacher runs out to the playground and retrieves the child (who has been left alone for less than 3 minutes) and is still "hiding" in the playhouse.  Here are the options available to the Director:
1.  Report it to State licensing and call the parent and tell them what happened.
2.  Hide it and hope that the staff members don't report it - after all the child was only 2 and he won't be talking about it.
I submit to you that because of the "system" - most centers will never report the incident.  That is not how we ever handled business, but it was certainly difficult when faced with the reality of what self-reporting meant to our center.
What that means to the parents:  The online number of "deficiencies" is meaningless.  You can see which centers have self reports.  But, you have no idea just because your center doesn't have any reports - if they are actually being honest in their dealings.  Some centers have incredibly high numbers of deficiencies, but it is because 1. they self-report and 2. they are inspected more frequently.  You have to check out all the numbers to have any sort of accurate picture. For example if a center is inspected 3 times in 2 years and has 15 deficiencies - that means they have approximately 5 deficiencies per inspection.  If a center has 20 inspections and has 40 deficiencies - it looks worse (because 40 is obviously higher than 15), but in reality, they had only 2 deficiencies per inspection.  They just had a higher volume of inspections.
Some centers are only inspected once a year.  My staff and I went and observed at one such center.  We were appalled by what we saw.  This "top-notch", (and State funded) center was full of non-compliances - and I was so proud of my staff for knowing them and "citing" them in their heads.  That means they KNEW their minimum standards and can realize when people aren't meeting them.  We saw staff members not wash their hands after changing dirty diapers.  We saw that they did not use safety straps (which at the time was required by state law).  We saw them allow children to walk around with their cups(against state law).  We saw them wash those cups out in the "dirty" sink (which is the sink they were supposed to wash their hands in after changing diapers).  We saw the playground had "unitary surfacing" that was 6 inches below state requirements.  We saw a child run out a door headed towards the parking lot and he made it all the way to the parking lot before the teacher caught up with him.  We checked to see if that was reported by the staff or Director (though the Director did see it happen).  It was not.  We saw children eat their lunches without washing their hands.  We saw a LOT of non-compliances.  But, their record is virtually blemish free - and they are only inspected once a year.  They have on average 6 non-compliances during that visit.  But, still - they are scheduled only one visit per year, and they are hailed to be amazing by the State.
In the case of the vomiting staff member...  how would you as a parent like your center to deal with it?  What does justice look like?  I will tell you how I, as the Director, handled the situation.  That staff member was fired that day.  We spend many hours in training.  We are responsible for people's children.  That requires an above averge need for common sense and quick thinking.  She did not make sure her entire class was inside before she left them.  Even if she had grabbed a trash-can, done her business, and then made sure her entire class was in, I would have "gone to bat" for her.  But, she did not do that.  And a child was left unattended on the playground.  She was dismissed immediately, and I hired and trained a new staff member to take her place - while instituting a substitute teacher for the class in the meantime.  Here's what it meant for me, as the Director.  Even though she was dismissed immediately.  Even though I had proof of her attendance at the meetings where we discussed all of these things regularly.  Even though she had years of experience when I hired her.  It cost me big time.  We did self report.   We called the parent immediately.  They were completely not upset, because their child has a propensity for hiding and trying to be "sneaky".  They thanked me for calling and that was that.  But, we did "take care of business".  We reported it to the State.  And that, was the beginning of many bad things.  The staff member responsible went on to work at another center.  It cost her nothing.  I was cited as the Director for not doing my job.  The "center" was cited for many deficiencies because the child was left outside unattended.  That stays with my center, but the teacher responsible has no accountability.  She can do the same thing at the next center she goes to.  It reflects on our record for 2 years, no matter how it is dealt with.  I am cited for not doing my job, no matter how much training I had given her personally, and no matter that it was not my decision to leave the child unattended.
So what does that mean for the parents?  How can you KNOW if your center is good or not?
I recommend really knowing the director and your child's teachers. Be involved!
Spend time asking questions.  Check the reports online, but remain open to hear how the center handles those situations.  Read the policies and procedures for the center.  Be friendly.
Find out what happens to the employees who make bad decisions.  
Go into the center different times during the day during the first few weeks of care.  Are you welcome there anytime - or do they ask you to schedule a time to come?
When something happens (a diaper is leaking out the sides)- do they make excuses, or do they "own" the problem? Do they apologize and is the problem fixed?  Are there repeated problems with the same teacher that don't get handled?  Does the Director take time to talk with you, or does she act like you are wasting her time?  Does your child like their teacher?
Other advice:  Don't get worked up over a scratch from the playground (unless it happens repeatedly - or is because of some faulty equipment).  Remember that your child gets cuts and scrapes at home too.
Be realistic.  If your child is just learning how to walk - expect that there will be knots on the head from lack of balance.  It just happens.
If your child has a dirty diaper one day (and you pick them up on the playground) give a little grace.  Did they offer to change it for you when you brought it to their attention?  Does it happen every day, or just every now and then? 
Always talk to the teacher and then the Director when you have a problem.  Don't leave angry and never address it when something happens.  The Director can not improve the program (or rid the program of problem staff) if it is not brought to her attention.  But, the teacher deserves to hear your complaint before she is pulled aside and talked to by the Director.
And finally, don't believe what you read on yahoo and other outlets.  The parents that love their centers usually don't post (unless the parent is a staff member) - those sites are typically outlets for people who are angry because their child got kicked out for being undisciplined, or they were asked to leave for lack of payment.  They will make up all manner of things to "get back" at the center.  Disgruntled staff also like to post things, but usually the reason they are "former" employees is that they did not do their job well, so they were fired.  You can not trust what they have to say  - you have to KNOW the staff yourself.  You have to know if your center operates honestly.
Unfortunately (in Texas) I have found the scales are not balanced.  Some centers have favor with the state and others do not.  There is no way for a center (without spending thousands of dollars) can balance those scales either.  It is just a flawed system.  Very few lawyers will take cases against licensing.  It requires too many hours of work - and it is very difficult to combat the brokenness of the system.
It is your responsibility as the parent to know what happens at the center your child attends.  Be informed.  Know the Director.  Know the staff - and if you love the center your child goes to - post that places (like yahoo) and be an avid supporter - not a quiet supporter!  Parents want to know where the good places are!

The Language of Adoption

I never knew that there was a special language for adoption until we adopted. 

I think most people haven't been taught in their normal vocabulary that there is a secret language - a very special language for adoption.    I hadn't. 

I am not easily offended.  I have offended people (before we adopted) by my ignorance of this special language.  I didn't mean to offend, and some of the reactions I got were so defensive, I made up my mind that when we adopted, I would not be offended when people said things that didn't fit adoptive language.  What is the point of being defensive?  No matter what anyone else says or does, my daughter is no less my daughter.  I am convinced that God created her for our family.  He knew from before she was conceived who He would call to be her family.  Praise His name that He chose us.  But, nothing anyone says can change that.  I like to take opportunities to educate people instead of being angry with them. 

A little about our story:
I have always love adoption.  When I was 6 I told my mom that I wanted to adopt a baby when I got married.  God had set it in my heart as a little girl, with no real life experience - but it was there and it was strong.  As Ken and I dated, we discussed wanting a large family.  We had talked a lot about adopting before we ever got married.  We had no idea if we would even be able to have biological (a key adoptive word) children- but either way, adoption was set in our hearts.

13 and a half years into our marriage and 4 biological children later, God brought our daughter to us - this daughter that had been set in our hearts for many years - was brought to us through another woman's womb.  The whole idea of it is stunning.  Our birth-mom (another key adoptive word) could have chosen many things.  She could have chosen abortion.  She could have chosen a member of her biological family to try and raise the baby for her.  She did not have the option of raising our daughter herself, but any way you cut it, it was by the Grace of our Marvelous God that we have our daughter.  The Creator of the Universe crafted her - inside another woman's womb - specially for our family.  I can post later more about the way it all came to be, but it is a miracle that she is here - and it is a gift from the Lord that she was made to be our daughter.

Back to the language lesson:

As I said, I determined long ago not to be offended when people don't know the right words to use.  How are they supposed to know?  But, there was an event that tested my ability to be graceful in response to ignorance.  It was the look, the tone and the way that the statement came out more than anything.  Very loudly, and very condescending - a woman looked straight at me (right in front of my beautiful curly headed girl) and said, "So she's your adopted daughter, but he's your REAL son."  Oh wow.  Jesus help me.  For the first time in this area I had a very strong urge to do something entirely un-godly.  I wanted to punch her in the mouth.  How dare she!  My daughter is 2 years old... but the way she said it - the tone - as if my daughter wasn't real because she wasn't biological.  Whew.  It was a tough moment. 
It was not the first time someone had used the word "real".  I believe that may have even been the word I used when I offended the lady (very unintentionally and with love of adoption in my heart).  But, this was an attack on the validity of her as a person - as my daughter.  My blood pressure came down about an hour and a half later.  I am not kidding.  It was a tough thing for me.  So, here it is...  the "adoption dictionary" for anyone who wants to know...

Adoptive parents - the very "real" parents who God created to love and raise the precious baby that was grown in another woman's womb. 
Biological children - the children born to any parent that comes from their own bloodline.
Birth-mom - the woman God chose to biologically help create and carry the precious baby that is placed for adoption.
Birth-father - the man who biologically contributed his "seed" to help create the life of the precious child.

Words to avoid:
"real" - as if adoption makes them fake... or somehow not a true child...
"put up for adoption" or "given away" - no matter what your preconceived ideas are of birth-moms in general - it is never natural for a birth-mom to place her child in someone's arms to raise them.  It is painful.  It is hard.  In many cases, birth-mom's choose abortion because somehow ending the child's life seems more loving to them than "giving their baby away".  

I have many more things to say about adoption.  I love it.  As a child of God, I was adopted into His Kingdom.  I am a true child of God.  Adoption is not less - not in any stretch of the imagination.  But, this will conclude our adoption "language lesson" for today. 

For more about our personal story - you can visit www.skinnyonthesimmons.blogspot.com and click the links on adoption that start in November of 2008.  Thanks for reading!

Why Chatterbox Heart?

My heart stays full - with questions, answers, simple feelings and complex problems.  

I have a chatterbox heart.  

I have tried to contain it, but it is if it burns within me until I share it.  Sometimes, I share it over and over again so that it won't just explode.

These days people write blogs about everything.  Some things are actually note-worthy, while others are simply for our amusement - or to remind us that we are of the human race.  No one is perfect and no one gets it right all the time.  We are simple, yet complex.  We are all different, and in some ways similar.  

My desire for this blog is to share my heart.  Openly and honestly about many things, and to allow you the freedom to let your heart "chatter" as well. 

If you don't like what I say, you are free to leave... but, you are free to come back anytime and visit.  You are welcome to disagree.   You are welcome to just think about what is said.  You are welcome here.  Even the most "half-empty", grumpy ones of you...

Welcome to my chatterbox heart... 

Is it just me?

  







It has been so interesting to me lately to listen to what is being talked about...

It sounds like the end times. Wars. Rumors of wars. Hurricanes. Earthquakes. Pestilence. Disease. The earth is shaking and trembling under God's mighty hand. How much more can the earth take? How much more can the human race take?
I joke about being the lady with the cardboard sign at the top of my street - reading : REPENT, THE END IS NEAR. But, I mean it. Jesus IS coming back for us. What if these are the last days - not like, a thousand years is a day, or verbiage like that, but really... what if Jesus came back this Easter? (Please do not think I am attempting to actually guess when He is coming. Scripture is clear - even the Son does not know the time - only the Father...) but I just want you to think with me a minute. What would you do differently with your time? What would you make a priority and what would you chunk from your life altogether?

I had a strange dream the other night. I am not usually given to dreams that make any sense. This one was weird in the fact that it made sense, but it wasn't what I FEEL like would happen - it isn't what I THINK I would have chosen.
My house (in the dream) was on fire. I had gotten the children out. But, only a small distance away. And then, I WENT BACK IN. WHAT??? Yes, I went in for the photo albums and maybe a pillow my mom made and just random things... really random. I don't really remember them all. But, I remember thinking - even in my dream... what am I doing? Are my kids coming in after me? Are they safe? Why am I putting myself back in danger for these things that will all be burned up on "that day" anyway?
I can't get the scripture out of my mind "since the world will be destroyed in this way... what kind of lives should you lead?" (2 Peter 3:10-12) I just looked it up - because the words have just repeated in my head a thousand times over the last two days. Wow. He is coming for us!!! Get out your Bible right now and read it!
It talks about everything being burned up. Everything that is not eternal will be gone... and yet, how much time are we investing in the things that are not at all eternal?
I have been begging God to use me in the way that He created me. I want Him to help me reach my promised land on earth. I believe the psalmist got it right when he said, "surely I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living..." (Psalm 27). Yes, I believe the Lord created me for a purpose and my whole being is ACHING to be used in whatever way that is. I know what it is to long to be clothed with the eternal. All of creation longs to be clothed with eternity (Romans 8). I want to re-read "The Weight of Glory" by C.S. Lewis. I just remember being in awe of God and His plan - and stunned that He has given us glory, but MOVED to try and operate from that place, rather than the place the enemy tries to keep me.
Maybe my dream was a vivid picture for me of the futility of the "dailies". I have my kids just out of harms way (hopefully) while I keep my arms busy trying to maintain a house that is on fire. I always kind-of figured myself for a "let it burn" kind of girl. Get the kids out, cry a few minutes about the special things that are gone, and then, just sit in thankfulness that the important stuff was saved. Maybe it is not just about my house, but my spiritual house... what if I am feeding the desires of my flesh just a little too much - which is storing up treasures in a house that is going to burn to the ground. I don't know. But, I don't want to live like that. If He comes back this Easter, or 1000 decades from now, I know that I want every single day for the rest of my life to matter. I want to invest my whole life in the things that have eternal value. I want to find my friend Jennifer - tattoo's, piercing's and all - and just hug her or shake her until she comes to see her need for Jesus and the reality of Hell. I want to take Candice (our birth-mom) aside and tell her how much the King of Glory loves her - and find out for sure what she has done with Jesus Christ. I want to wake people from their sleep - and tell them - He is coming... He is coming.
The Lord Almighty - the King of Kings... the Alpha and Omega - the One who is and who is to come.... He. is. coming.

"Since it will all be destroyed... What kind of lives should you lead?"

Abba Father

The last several days have been a bit of a whirlwind.

It is an interesting thing to recognize the Mighty hand of God and try to explain that to a person that is not a believer. As a believer, you are prepared with words like Sovereign and Omnipotent. But, to an unbeliever - those might sound like ingredients that you wouldn’t want in your food. I’m not sure... But it has been an interesting last week.

I have been praying - and I am pretty sure sharing - how much I want God to use me exactly how He wants me. I feel so strongly that time on earth is short. Shorter every single day for each of us. And yet, we go through life doing things and making decisions like this is all there is.

Well, it isn’t. There is much more.

God stepped into my life last Monday in a way I have asked Him to for years. I have sung so many worship songs that invite Him to use me, mold me, shape me... That beg Him to consume me, and deliver me. I have surrendered all - adored His beauty and sung of His ability to save people and move mountains.

He is doing it. He is taking all of my pride - all of my desires for the approval of man and He is tossing them into the trash pile to be burned up. He is delivering me from a life that is too busy, too... Well, too little for His plan. He is beckoning for me to come higher - and dive deeper all in the same breath. He is whispering “trust me, trust me” and I am crazy enough to do it. He is reminding me that I am His daughter - His adopted daughter - in whom He delights. He has intervened in a way that screams to me that He loves me too much to see me live outside of His abundance. Wow. What a God. What a personal God who sees every detail, and what an amazing God that He can command the rain to fall or stop. By His word all things were created, and by His word all things would cease. Staggering.

I have no idea where we are going on this journey. It is a bit like walking in the woods at night with a tiny flashlight. There is just enough light to not be consumed by the darkness, and yet, I have full confidence that I will not strike my foot - or trip and fall. He is not shouting directions at me. He is not opening wide the doors and saying “it’s this one!” But, I believe with all of my heart that He will say, “This is the way, walk in it”. I believe with all of my heart that He will not let me strike my foot on a stone, or turn to the left or the right. He will guide me continually giving me water when I am thirsty. He will hide me in the shadow of His wings and He will hold me by the hand.

Like a little girl in the arms of her great big Daddy, I am hanging on - clinging with my arms around His neck - knowing that He knows the way and He will keep me safe.

He is more beautiful to me today than ever before. May He receive all the glory and honor and praise.