Whew!

There is so much going on - I don't even know where to begin. We met Christian's (prospective) adoptive family today. They are wonderful. They are sweet and kind and fun to hang out with. If we lived in the same town we would be great friends. I mean, we will be friends anyway, but I think we could be really close friends. That is sweet to know. I have a great peace in my heart about what all will follow. I know that God's plan is best, and I know He has a great plan for this little boy. He is sweet and precious - and very loved.

Please pray for my Candice. She is supposed to come and sign the papers tomorrow - voluntary relinquishment of Christian. Whew. That is just so hard for me. I am not going to like being there for that. I mean, I wouldn't miss it because I want to be there for her... but I am going to hate what that means. I am going to hate watching her cry and knowing that she is just so confused and saddened by her own choices. I feel like if she would just plug into a good church family and stay away from old friends, she would be so much better off. She could heal and have such a better life, but I have no doubt that Christian will have a much better life if he is further away from his birthfather. Please pray for her that she would really lean into God during all of this. Pray that I would have words and a comforting presence to her. I sure love her.

The house situation has been something else! We never know what's next. But, we do know that God knows where we will be living and just how that will look. He is so amazing. His love is complete and it doesn't fall short of what we need at any given time. Soon enough we will be moved (again) and soon enough we will have our family situated in a more permanent (I think) residence. There is a lot we can learn though, about living in a temporary home. If you don't buckle in too deep, it isn't terribly hard to let go. If you don't ever consider it as "yours" it isn't nearly as hard to grasp it with loose fingers. So, my dream would be that we are moved into our new house before July 1st and that we will not take for granted the house that we have. I also am praying that we will be wise with what we keep, what we sell, and what we give away. It all belongs to the Lord, and I am ready to not be stingy. I want to give freely and love the Giver way more than the gifts.

Speaking of gifts! It has been such a blessing and a gift to be singing on the praise team at church. Oh my heart has missed this a lot! I am getting the opportunity to sing about 3 weekends a month at church. It is so great. It is just so great! I am truly blessed by the timing of this precious gift from the Lord.

Well, that precious little boy is letting me know it is time for his bottle. So, I will go for now, but I wanted you to know how to pray for us. It has been a crazy month, and I suspect the next two months will be a little more of the same. God is faithful - and He will provide everything we need to get through all of these times. What a sweet Savior we have! What a good God!

Joy - delightfully attainable...

Well it’s been a while since I’ve been here. It is a familiar place - a place I love. I love to sit and share the things that God is doing in my life - even when I don’t really understand it all... Or even most of it!

I am back at work full time (plus some). It has been a difficult transition for all of us. I cried every single day for the first week (at least). Tears of sadness for having to leave my babies (oh how I love being a mommy!). Tears of uncertainty because, let’s face it, if things were financially wonderful I wouldn’t have to be there. Tears of frustration for the million decisions that landed us where we are. Tears - feeling my incompetence to juggle it all well. But, through all of that, the thing that grieved my heart the most (well, it was a close tie with missing my babies) was the fact that I was struggling, REALLY struggling to do it all with joy. I want to live a life marked by JOY! My life is hidden in God through Christ! I have a hope and a future. I have more waiting for me in another place than I could ever dream of here - and it is the stuff that matters. It is the eternal stuff. Why then, could I not put on joy just because my circumstance here was seeming a little dreary? Ugh - humanness. I cannot help but be human. I cannot help but be frail and weak so often. I wish that through everything I could persevere with EXCELLENCE.

I know that God is faithful. He cannot be otherwise. I know that no matter what it all looks like to me right now - He has a plan - a good plan for us. I know that He has not and WILL NOT abandon me - no matter how loud the voice is in my mind that tells me otherwise. God is FAITHFUL. God is loving. God is kind. God is merciful and compassionate and MIGHTY! God has not failed me. His love has not failed. He is allowing this season for a purpose. Probably because He knows how much I long to be a faithful servant - and at the same time deeply understanding how far I am from becoming who He has created me to be. I want to be ALL that He has created me to be. For this season, it looks like putting on Joy and putting off fear and bitterness and doubt. For this season it looks like trusting Him when that really seems foolish. For this season it looks like taking one step at a time in no certain direction trusting that when His Word says that He leads me - that He really does. I need to believe His Word. It is as simple as that. I need to take Him at His Word and I need to rely fully on His provision for me. At this point I am realizing how much easier that is to say than to do. At this point I am wanting to retrieve the lady inside of me (that I used to know) that found it easy to have faith and trust in every circumstance. That seemed easier when we had paid off our debt and were climbing up financially instead of sinking. What is faith if it isn’t tested? What is believing when it is easy to believe? What is persevering if there is nothing challenging ahead? God knows what He is doing - of this I am certain.

Now for the kid update!!!!!!

Christian is already almost 4 months. Are you kidding me? This time is just flying. Candice is still working her plan to get him back. I pray that she will get him before his first birthday. She loves him. He is so precious... So sweet and his little smile is just entirely charming! Pray for her - pray that she will hang in there and make great choices. More than anything pray that she will join a church and fall deeply in love with her Savior.

Mia is 18 months in two days. Whew. I just can’t even believe that. Tiny. Beautiful. Angel. Has turned into Naughty. Beautiful. Princess. She really is Princess Naughty. What an enchanting gift from the Lord. Oh how I delight in her! The Lord constantly uses her to remind me of His unfailing love for me. After all, I am ADOPTED! I KNOW deeply what it means to adopt. I know deeply what it is to love my adopted daughter. I am His adopted daughter. Wow. It is no wonder why it was such a trial to adopt this little one. I have a deeper understanding of God’s love for me than I ever could have without her. I am blown away because His love for me is even greater - PERFECT - while my love for her is human and imperfect. I cannot really imagine how he fully feels about me. He feels the same way about you. If you are reading this (and have kept reading this far) you can be sure that He loves you with that same perfect love.

Jude is Mr. Naughty. He is not the Original Mr. Naughty - that title still belongs to my beloved firstborn, Jacob. But, he is quickly earning his place in the Hall of Naughties! He is so stinkin’ smart. This child is brilliant. I don’t know exactly what we will do with him, but he is so precious and handsome and frustrating and WONDERFUL! He is my very focused 2 and a half year old. What a gift from the Lord!

Jared is hilarious. This kid just keeps us laughing. Tonight I had tears in my eyes because he made me laugh so hard. He is so spontaneous and yet, so predictable. He is so funny, and yet, so serious. He is just absolutely a mystery to me in many ways. But, his heart is more tender than I can put words to. He still makes me the sweetest cards - and he can draw like nobody’s business! He could be an artist for Disney if he wanted to be. He is just so meticulous and great! What a precious gift from the Lord.

Maddy is full on drama. This girl never quits... She has a fantastic voice, a charming (dimply) smile and she is just beautiful. She could win American Idol at the age of 18 if she wanted to. It will be fun to see where the Lord takes her in life. I know He will use her in so many ways. Her heart is so sweet. Her compassion for others is so strong and her smile - well, I swear it brings healing to my heart. I believe the Lord could use her to bring healing to the sick. It wouldn’t surprise me at all. She is such a gift.

Jacob - talk about a crazy ride! That kiddo is 12 years old and 5’7! He is 3 inches taller than me (at least). He wears a size 13 shoe and he is absolutely the wittiest kid I know. We affectionately call him things like “Sasquatch” and “teenager”. He has gotten out of more things because of his wit than any kid I know. I just love how he makes me laugh. I am so proud of the young man he is becoming. I can’t imagine what more I could want from my son. He is a great kid. He is so loyal to me - and so protective. He is such a gift to this momma.

Well, that about wraps it up (a little) for these last few months. I will try to write again when it slows down a bit. In the meantime, if you think of me, pray for us. And let me know how I can pray for you. Believe this one thing: God loves you. God has a plan for you. God created you and knows how to fascinate your heart. It doesn’t always look like we expect it... But He has great things in store for those who love Him. The Bible tells me so. :)