Three little words...

I don't know.

More and more I am finding that I come to God saying "I don't know".  I actually am finding that there is freedom in that.  To know that I don't know - but He does.  To know that there are things I cannot make sense of - but, it doesn't matter.  God doesn't ask me to know or be able to explain the deep and hidden mysteries.  He asks me to love Him.  He asks me to love others.  He asks me to tell others that He loves them.  He asks me to obey Him.  He is surely far beyond my understanding.  And, I am okay with that. 

I haven't always been. 

I have said I understood things that I couldn't possibly have understood.  I have wounded those that were already wounded because I didn't understand, and yet, claimed that I did.  But, by His grace, and through His mercy, I have had the opportunity to see the ways I was hurting the Lord by hurting those who loved Him that I didn't understand or agree with. 

I have a dear friend... one whom I prayed with, one whom I loved deeply.  I did not fully understand her situation, nor did I fully understand what the Word had to say to her... and when she was wounded, I wounded her further by my lack of love.  I thought I was loving her - through rebuke.  I really did.  I thought that I would "straighten her out" with the Word.  How arrogant I was to think that I understood her situation or that I was telling her something she hadn't already searched out for herself.  We hadn't talked in many years.  Essentially, I told her she would have to forgo my friendship in order to walk in the path she was headed in.  And, I have only just realized this month how much I owed her an apology.  My heart ached at the ways I wounded her when all she really needed was someone to lean on.  Someone to tell her that God is enough.  God is able to heal and to help and to rescue. 

I had the privilege to find her this past week and tell her how sorry I was, and to ask her to forgive me.  And, she had the grace to forgive me.  That is the goodness of the God we serve.  I was wrong.  I asked for forgiveness and she extended it to me.  I love her - and I am thankful that God alone carried her through her trial.  She is stronger and even more full of grace than before. 

I want to be one who brings words of life and healing and hope to people who are broken... I don't want to bring death with my words.  I don't want pride to stand in the way anymore.  Though, I am confident that God wants us to speak the Truth in love, and to call sin - sin... I am going to pray more than I speak (hopefully) and use my words to build up rather than tear down. 

I am human.  I am so very flawed.  I sin every single day.  I am selfish.  I am prideful.  I am weak.  I am wounded - and I wound others.  And there is still so much that I don't know.  The beauty of salvation is not that I will never struggle with sin - or that I have become perfect - it is that I have the encouragement and the ability to never stop struggling against sin.  I want to wage war on the sin in my life - and encourage others to do the same.  I want to rest that the work has already been done for my salvation.  But, to live in such a way to speed the coming of the Eternal King (2 Peter). 

I heard it put this way, and I love it - so I will share it.  Both sheep and pigs end up in the mud.  But, there is a distinct difference to their response.  Sheep struggle and kick and fight to get out and pigs wallow and roll and fight to stay in.  The farmer can come to rescue both of them, and the sheep will be thankful for the help out - and have a real desire not to get back in... but the pigs return to the mud as quickly as they can - because they love to be covered in filth.  As believers, we are not lovers of sin that struggle with God.  We are lovers of God that still struggle with sin.  The really important question is not do you struggle with sin - it is do you struggle to love God?  The beauty of being a believer is the ability to admit when you mess up.  Not the inability to admit you mess up.  

These are just things I have been thinking of and there is much more... but for now, I will leave it at that.  Love God and struggle against sin.  And, I encourage you, when you have sinned against someone - tell them that is the case, and ask for their forgiveness.  No matter their response, you can walk forward knowing that your humility will be noted by the One that matters, and ultimately, you will have done more for the Kingdom that you could ever do while you are in pride.

Blessings to you on this beautiful day.

Before we even ask...

More and more lately I am in awe of God and His provision.

He knows what we need before we even ask.  He is not caught off guard by any of our circumstances.  He is not surprised by any event that happens in our lives.

He is not angry and ready and waiting to beat us down when we mess up.  He is, rather, sitting - ready and willing to show us how to live in abundance when by earthly standards, we would be labeled in poverty. 

I so prefer His abundance to the world's.  I mean it.

Last night I was talking with my oldest - Jake.  I was telling him how we couldn't travel for Thanksgiving because I need four new tires before we can go anywhere that far away.  I told him it wasn't in the budget at all this month, but I would get tires before Christmas.
He looked at me and said, "Are you sure we will have the money before then?"  I had to be honest.  I told him that I didn't know how we would have the money, but God knows everything we need before we even ask.  I also told him that God loves to bless us in only the way He knows how... and that if we are supposed to be traveling by car at Christmas God would provide what we need.  This morning, I walk out to find a beautiful fall display - and inside - a jar... full to the top with coins, and beside it "Aladdin" which just happens to be in my top 5 Disney movies of all time - and one that we don't already own!  What???

You cannot imagine how excited I was to go wake Jake up and tell him about it - actually, I let Jared... after we both sat with our mouths open for a while.  It hadn't even been 12 hours and we had the money for 2 (maybe 3) of the four tires - and fruit roll-ups and a GREAT movie.

We sorted the money tonight and all took turns (including Jude and Mia) praying a blessing over the someone/someones who put that gift together for us.  I pray that they can somehow know how God used their gift to drill into my kids hearts the very Faithfulness of the God we serve.  It was amazing to watch them grasp His love to our family through that gift. 

I was overwhelmed.  I am so thankful.  I do not doubt that God will provide for our every need.  Month to month it gets a little uncomfortable.  But, more than once my yellow gas light has come on, and I have not known how we were going to put gas in the car - and when I get to my office, there is a little envelope on the floor with money for the tank.  More than once, I have been uncertain by the middle of the month how we would make it to the end- and yet, every single day God proves Himself Faithful.  He knows what we need before we ask - and He knows EVERYTHING we need.  He knows every desire in our hearts.  He knows every thought before we think it.  We are fully known by Him, and we are fully loved.

This song came to mind this morning as I stood and stared at the sweet wooden word "FAITH" that was included in our basket of love...

How deep the Father's love for us, How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure...

Praise His name - His holy name.  He is righteous and loving in all that He does.