Hopefulness...

I love this that I found on Hope... it is interesting... simply interesting. It has challenged me to think a little deeper today. It has challenged me to revisit what I would have told you to be true in the first place - simply that our God, the One who created us, has called us for a purpose... each one of us. Are you any closer to discovering His purpose in your life - or are you just sitting by "squandering your glorious life"? Interesting for sure...

Taken from www.daveblackonline.com :
For years I have kept the words of A. E. Whitham near me to remind me of the desperate need of people for hope:
"If you knew that there was one greater than yourself, who knows you better than you can know yourself, and loves you better than you can love yourself, who can make you all you ought to be, steadier than your squally nature, able to save you from squandering your glorious life, who searched you beyond the standards of earth…one who gathered into himself all great and good things and causes, blending in his beauty all the enduring color of life, who could turn your dreams into visions, and make real the things you hoped were true; and if that one had ever done one unmistakable thing to prove, even at the price of blood – his own blood – that you would come to him, and, having failed, to come again,
Would you not fall at his feet with the treasure of your years, your powers, service, and love? And is there not one such, and does he not call you…?"

We all want to hope. The Bible says this, Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." That is my prayer for you, my friends....

What more can I add to that wisdom?  I think I am going to re-read it many more times.  "Would I not fall at His feet with the treasure of" (everything I have)?  Powerful stuff.  

Restless....

Have you ever found yourself restless - not in and of itself a bad thing... or is it? 

I mean, not restless - in an anxious way - as if everything is about to come falling down.  Just restless.  Like there is something more out there that you are missing.   Something important that you are supposed to be doing, but aren't.  I found myself in a restless state today. 

My heart is at peace.  And yet, my mind is convinced that something is missing.  I believe with all of my heart in the abundance of God.  I also believe that sometimes we miss the abundance because we get caught up in the dailies of life.  God is in all of the dailies... but there is more.  There is that conversation that you won't even remember later that has the potential to change the course of someone's week - or more!  There is the two minutes you took to do something nice for someone who had just come to the conclusion that people just don't care anymore.  Every action - every single one of them has an effect on other people around you.

Tonight my son broke a piece of glass.  A very large piece of glass over the nicest picture frame in my house.  At first, I was just angry (he was supposed to be in bed, and he was horsing around).  Then, I was just sad.  We cannot replace it.  Those precious pictures... that beautiful frame will not be hung anytime in the near future.  Sadness.  Then, I realized - as he came down the stairs (again) crying and saying, "I'm sorry momma" - I had a choice.  I could reveal my anger, my sadness...  or I could offer forgiveness and grace.  I could help him rest easy knowing that the stupid glass doesn't change my love for him one iota.  Not one. 
I won't say it was easy to offer that grace.  I was still upset with him.  He has been increasingly disobedient and his sin is beginning to affect more and more people.  Yuck.  But, today, I remember how many times I have sinned - just this very day - and I am reminded of a grace that far exceeds my own.  And, I am thankful for that Grace, and it is easier to extend forgiveness in light of that. 
Today was a restless day for me.  It was a day that was hard to discern.  It was hard to know what were my thoughts, and my plans, and what was the leading of the One who whispers to me and sings over me.  It was a day that I felt like I was missing out on something.  I don't like that feeling.  But, I am restless until I rest in Him.  What I wouldn't give to have a few days of quiet with Him alone. 
God is my ever present help in times of trouble.  He is my rest.  I spent time quietly with Him this morning.  I have had time with Him this evening.  I am praying that there is not something He is asking - calling me to that I am saying no to.  He is the only answer to the restlessness inside of me. 
Now, it is time for this restless lady to rest - fully in Him - as He sings me to sleep. 

Be Still

Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you, you have only to be still.”

That is true, you know?

I mean, exceedingly hard to comprehend, but true, nonetheless.

The Lord has spoken this over my life many times.  He is always in battle for me.  Jesus is ever interceding for me.  He never stops watching over me.  Isn’t it interesting that sometimes, all He wants from us in return is (for us) to be still.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

“Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;”

He also was known to use that exact phrase when He got up in the boat and rebuked the waves in Mark 4:39. “He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.”

Doesn’t it strike you (even a little bit) that it seems like it is the moments in life where the waves are spilling in over the sides of the boat - and they threaten to sink the whole ship - it seems those are the times He says, “be still.”
He knows what we can handle.
He knows our weaknesses.
He knows our inability to calm the waves.

But, the reason He can tell us to be still is that He also knows - He is able.
He has commanded that they cease - and they have NO CHOICE but to obey.
He knows that what we were powerless to do, He did for us on the cross.

As I was thinking that, I pulled up that scripture so that I could remember why I thought the whole earth was still for 3 hours during that time.  Here is what I found:

Luke 23:44-46 records it like this, “It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness fell over the whole land until the ninth hour, because the sun was obscured; and the veil of the temple was torn in two. 46And Jesus, crying out with a loud voice, said, "Father, INTO YOUR HANDS I COMMIT MY SPIRIT." Having said this, He breathed His last.”

Isn’t it something that the whole land was still for 3 hours during the time of Christ’s crucifixion?   I mean, I guess technically, it didn’t have to be still, but it was dark - over the whole land.  When I looked up the word “dark” as used in that verse, it had the synonym blind.  The whole earth was blinded for 3 hours as the sun was obscured.  I also looked that word up - obscured - it said, “fail”, and “to leave; quit”  The sun quit.  I know it is likely describing an eclipse.   But, it is as if the sun couldn’t shine because the Son was dying.  Maybe that is how my “hollywood” brain thinks.  I am dramatic.  But, can’t you just see the sun submitting to the Father as the Son submitted to the Father?

And, talk about a moment of blindness.  Seriously, we couldn’t see at all.  We couldn’t see that the King of Kings was hanging - in pain, and taking away the sins of the world.  Surely we were blind.
I lump myself (and you) in that, because really, haven’t we been just as guilty as those that stood and mocked Him?  I like to think of myself as Mary.  As the one who knew Him.  Who longed to sit at His feet and learn from Him - believing Him and loving Him.  But, so many times I am just as Peter - denying Him - or worse yet, one of the Pharisees - with my list of “duties” and my own record of rights.

This week.  This solemn, and joyous - horrible and wonderful week - I am going to choose to be still.  I am going to choose to look for Him and wait on Him.  And I am going to praise Him that He chose me - even when He knew He would have to die for me, He chose me.

Hallelujah what a Savior!

Be still

Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you, you have only to be still.”

That is true, you know?

I mean, exceedingly hard to comprehend, but true, nonetheless.

The Lord has spoken this over my life many times.  He is always in battle for me.  Jesus is ever interceding for me.  He never stops watching over me.  Isn’t it interesting that sometimes, all He wants from us in return is (for us) to be still.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

“Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;”

He also was known to use that exact phrase when He got up in the boat and rebuked the waves in Mark 4:39. “He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.”

Doesn’t it strike you (even a little bit) that it seems like it is the moments in life where the waves are spilling in over the sides of the boat - and they threaten to sink the whole ship - it seems those are the times He says, “be still.”
He knows what we can handle.
He knows our weaknesses.
He knows our inability to calm the waves.

But, the reason He can tell us to be still is that He also knows - He is able.
He has commanded that they cease - and they have NO CHOICE but to obey.
He knows that what we were powerless to do, He did for us on the cross.

As I was thinking that, I pulled up that scripture so that I could remember why I thought the whole earth was still for 3 hours during that time.  Here is what I found:

Luke 23:44-46 records it like this, “It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness fell over the whole land until the ninth hour, because the sun was obscured; and the veil of the temple was torn in two. 46And Jesus, crying out with a loud voice, said, "Father, INTO YOUR HANDS I COMMIT MY SPIRIT." Having said this, He breathed His last.”

Isn’t it something that the whole land was still for 3 hours during the time of Christ’s crucifixion?   I mean, I guess technically, it didn’t have to be still, but it was dark - over the whole land.  When I looked up the word “dark” as used in that verse, it had the synonym blind.  The whole earth was blinded for 3 hours as the sun was obscured.  I also looked that word up - obscured - it said, “fail”, and “to leave; quit”  The sun quit.  I know it is likely describing an eclipse.   But, it is as if the sun couldn’t shine because the Son was dying.  Maybe that is how my “hollywood” brain thinks.  I am dramatic.  But, can’t you just see the sun submitting to the Father as the Son submitted to the Father?

And, talk about a moment of blindness.  Seriously, we couldn’t see at all.  We couldn’t see that the King of Kings was hanging - in pain, and taking away the sins of the world.  Surely we were blind.
I lump myself (and you) in that, because really, haven’t we been just as guilty as those that stood and mocked Him?  I like to think of myself as Mary.  As the one who knew Him.  Who longed to sit at His feet and learn from Him - believing Him and loving Him.  But, so many times I am just as Peter - denying Him - or worse yet, one of the Pharisees - with my list of “duties” and my own record of rights.

This week.  This solemn, and joyous - horrible and wonderful week - I am going to choose to be still.  I am going to choose to look for Him and wait on Him.  And I am going to praise Him that He chose me - even when He knew He would have to die for me, He chose me.

Hallelujah what a Savior!

Sweet sweet day!!

What a sweet day it was today!

Early this morning, the Lord whispered a friend's name into my mind... and He kept her there.  After I took Jake to school, I called her to see if she could hang out today. 

What a beautiful surprise that she could - AND she was headed to her mom's house.  This was a special treat as her mom has a very special place in my heart. 

God knew exactly what I needed today.  He knew exactly what my heart was yearning for - and in a sweet way, on a beautiful day - He was more than abundant. 

It is funny, because I have come to expect abundance from my God.  But, on days like this, He still surprises me with His love.  I got to remember sweet things and we laughed.  I got to remember sad things and we got a little teary.
 
It made me so thankful that God planned long ago for our paths to cross, and more than that... He planned for eternity.  I do not have just one lifetime to love these precious ladies.  We have forever.  We will praise Him, as sisters and dearest of friends forever.  What a gift that He would bring people into our lives for the times that could seem hopeless or dreary - and instead it turns the whole ordeal into an opportunity to grow in Faith and trust.  What a gift that He brings us into each other's lives so that we can pray for them and love them.  

Then, I got home and another precious gift was waiting.  Another dear friend of mine was helping prepare a meal this evening for our adoption agency (APO).  It was so wonderful to get to cook with her and see her beautiful smile.  She has been so dear to me over the past few years.  She "mother's" me.  She loves me and serves me as if she were my momma.  It is precious to my heart - that has ached for a momma for over 17 years.
God is so good to have planned for these women to be in my life.  Tonight I am going to rest remembering how we need each other, and how sweet life is when we love Him with our lives.  I am so thankful to get to Worship this magnificent God with these precious precious ladies! 

Praise is rising....

Oh the riches that are found in the Word of God!

As I sit here and meditate on all that He says and all that He has done, He has led me to these verses that capture the very essence of my heart over the last several months - or years... I am not even sure anymore.  Time has all lumped together in my heart.  There is everything that happened before yesterday... and then there is now...
This is the moment I am living in, so hear this... "Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life.  You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you.  Each man's life is but a breath.... But now, Lord, what do I look for?  My hope is in you.  Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the scorn of fools.  I was silent; I would not open my mouth, for you are the one who has done this..."  Psalm 39:4-9

Yes, my precious Savior - show me.  My life is so fleeting.  May it not be in vain!!!  Let me bring you the praise that you deserve while I am here!! 

Psalm 40:1-11  "I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.  Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.  Many, O Lord my God are the wonders you have done.  The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare. Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but my ears you have pierced burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.  Then, I said "Here I am, I have come - it is written about me in the scroll.  I desire to do your will, O my God your law is within my heart.  I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, as you know O Lord.  I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.  I do not conceal your love and your truth from the great assembly.  Do not withold your mercy from me, O Lord, may your love and your truth always protect me. "

Yes!  He has rescued me from the muck and the mire indeed!  He has put a new song in my mouth. He has helped me to proclaim his Truth - I cannot seal my lips.  I must speak of His faithfulness and salvation!  Isn't His Word so amazing? 

I am so in love with Him.  I hope that you long to be in love with Him - He will give you that desire in your heart!  Ask Him - it is according to His will that you would really want to be consumed by Him and with love for Him.  Don't just sing about it on Sundays and think what neat lyrics they are!  Be consumed.  Allow Him to move you and say "yes, Lord - whatever you ask of me!"  He is worthy!  His so worthy! 

I am asking Him to grow us - as a family in holiness and in love for Him.  I know He will hear me and He will say yes to that!  I know He will!  It may be terribly uncomfortable.  It may be really hard, but one thing I know - He is worthy.
I am reminded of a song that I love, it says, "What joy, what joy for those whose hope is in the Name of the Lord. What peace, what peace for those whose confidence is Him alone!"  How true.  Never should I in my life be more fearful, or more devastated by my surroundings.  I lost my job - I lost my "good name" in the community.  We owe more money than we know what to do with.  We have no idea where it is coming from.  We are working our hearts out and we have nothing to show for it. We don't even know how we will pay the electricity this month.  All of this is just honest... but let me tell you this.  I have great peace.  I have no fear.  I have never had more confidence that the Lord loves me than I do right now.  Surely there are moments when I am thinking about it all and not looking at it from the right perspective.  I am seeing my problems and not my God.  But, here is the deal... I have a God that is greater and stronger.. a God that owns everything.  A God that knew that we would be here and we would have no answer but Him.  A God that knows exactly how this month, and this year will go.  A God that loves us more than we could ever love ourselves.  He is amazing.  He will not leave us stranded.  No matter what.  He has a way.  He will not allow us to be overcome.  He will do whatever is necessary to pull us through.  He loves us that much.  My confidence is in Him alone.  He can do it!  I have great hope - because my hope is in Him.  He is my joy.  He is my life. No matter what the enemy stands and accuses Him of, I will not believe it!  He is my God, and He is perfect in love.  Perfect. 
Praise is rising in my heart.  If I do not share it I might explode!  Praise is rising because the more desperate we are, the more able we see He is - the weaker we are, the stronger we will see Him be on our behalf.  Praise Him indeed!

Time keeps on tickin', tickin' away!

What?  

We are 1/4 done with 2011?  

Are you serious?   

Does anyone else feel like that?  

I am going to be intentional about slowing my life down!  

I will let you know when I find the exact recipe... but I think it has something to do with saying "no" more frequently and turning off all electrical devices every now and then.  I know - that seems CRAZY!  But, I mean it.  Something has to give!  So here is something I wrote in January.  It was a bucket list of sorts.  Not that I think I am necessarily not going to make it to 2012, but it is a combination of short term goals (like a new years resolution) and a bucket list (things I want to do (continually) before I die).  Already I am astonished at how little progress I have made - probably because I didn't keep this list handy before, but I am going to be more aware of the things that I want to do - really want to do this year (and continually)... 

Most people I talk to had a pretty rough 2010.  Not entirely.  There were weddings, births, birthdays, and Anniversary’s.  There were graduations and happy events.  But, there were funerals - people so young, deaths so tragic...  There were layoffs,  divorces and bankruptcies and simply difficult times making ends meet.  

January 1^st seems to be a time of renewal - at least somewhat.  A new year doesn’t bring back those that we love who have passed on.  It doesn’t ease the pain of divorce, or other tragedies...  But, doesn’t it give us a new starting point?  I think it makes it easier to remember that yesterday is not all that there is.  Though, none of us know if we will have tomorrow or not, the thought of the future seems to be in the forefront of our minds.  Today we will make choices that next year at this time we will either be really happy about, or we will regret.   

In 2009,  I had the privilege of walking in the Breast Cancer 3 Day.  That is an entirely different story, but that is where I saw this shirt, that has continued to leave an impression in my mind.  

Black shirt, white writing...

“Life is Choices.”  

Simply stated and yet terribly difficult to really grasp the vastness of those three words.  Every choice we make is going to determine, at least in part, the course of our lives from that point on.  I believe that (thankfully) we are not fully able to determine the course of our lives.  I believe that God is in control of the whole Universe - and He can take things I do that are destined for ruin and turn them into things that actually have worth.  I am not asking for a theological debate, but I think everyone would agree that some things in life just don’t make sense - and no one is fully in control of what happens in their lives.  We cannot stop someone we love from dying.  We cannot force our employer to keep us employed.  We cannot control many things in our day to day.  But, there are things that we can control- and that is what I really want to focus on.  

I determine how often I yell at my kids.

I determine how often I do something nice for someone, expecting NOTHING in return.

I determine how many times I hit the reset on the alarm - making it ever more difficult to get out of bed.

I determine how often I use my words to make someone feel better - and give them hope.

I determine how often I choose to see the worst in someone.  

I determine how often I choose to see the best in someone.  

I determine how many times a day I respond with kindness instead of irritation or anger.

These choices, these little choices determine many things about how my year will go.  It reminds me of “It’s a Wonderful Life”.  What a great picture of how the choices we make always affect other people.  Our choices almost NEVER just affect us.  Think of a few things...  And then try to think of something you do every day that doesn’t affect anyone else.   I mean it, take a minute to think it over.

Hard isn’t it? 

Even something as simple as tipping the pizza delivery guy, or not.  That choice affects other people.  Sometimes we are privileged enough to see how our choices affect others in a positive way, and sometimes we are privileged enough to see how our choices affect others in a negative way.  Hopefully we will learn from those times and press forward.

That is my number one resolution this year.  These are the things for my year’s “bucket list”.  I want to have a new Bucket List often - checking off many things just because I can - and it will help me to push for the things that are more difficult to attain.  

My 2011 Bucket List:

• I want to learn something every day.  I want to learn from my mistakes (and hopefully learn from others as well).  I want to learn how to affect my world in a gentler way, with kindness of speech and action.  
• I want to read a book a month (at least)
• I want to read a biography of someone with great faith (C.S. Lewis, or Hudson Taylor...)
• I want to determine not to think the worst of people - but to cut more slack and be kind no matter what.  
• I want to tell my husband something nice that I think of him every single day.
• I want my kids to see a mom who is in control of her temper - even when the buttons are all pushed at the same time.  
• I want to go to Colorado and sit under the stars out by the fire and sing a song.
• I want to write a letter to my dad and my grandmothers and tell them how much I love them.
• I want my husband to see a wife that is there for him - really there for him to hear him when he wants to talk - and when he doesn’t.  
• I want my family to see my love for them - unconditional and strong - regardless of the foolish decisions they might make.  
• I want to buy something really great - and then give it away to someone who needs it more.
• I want to read my Bible every single day - not because I am expected to, but because I love the Lord and want to know more about Him.
• I want to go to Kansas City to the International House of Prayer.
• I want to go to an old Bed and Breakfast and sit on the porch early in the morning and read...
• I want to bless someone through worship (singing) of my Savior.
• I want to drive way too far - to stay way too short - to hug a friend and tell her she’s great.
• I want to repair an old relationship and resolve to love better this time around.
• And most importantly, I want to bless the Lord with all that is in me...  

I want to lose weight and eat better and exercise too - but I have found that those aren’t the most important things...

Whatever your list, your resolutions, your hopes for this year - I pray a blessing for you and your family.  Thanks for reading mine.

Quiet reflection...

These days it seems like it is harder and harder to get a moment of quiet.

This morning, as I woke up and everyone else was still sleeping, I was struck again with how valuable this time is.  This is precious.  To be still - really still and sit with my Bible, journal, and coffee and just have blissful silence. 


It has been lovely.  It was much needed. 

I have decided that I will be returning morning after morning to do the same thing, because I need quiet time to be sane.
Don't we all, really?  Haven't we become so fast paced?  I love cell phones, email, computers, Skype and Facebook, all of the wonderful things that technology has brought to keep us closer than we ever have been before when we are separated by many miles.  But, with all of that, we are accessible really any time day or night, to whoever wants us.

In so many ways that is wonderful, but in so many ways that is robbing us of something very valuable.

Time alone to rest and think.

Time to just sit and re-evaluate our days - why do we do what we do?  Why do we get up when we get up and go to bed when we go to bed?  Do we love what we do, or are we trapped by what HAS to be done? 
Regardless of what faith system you believe in, don't you require time to be still? 

I love this verse in the Song of Solomon 8:13 (NLT).  It says this, "O my darling, lingering in the gardens, your companions are fortunate to hear your voice.   Let me hear it, too!"  I love it.  It is as if the Creator of the Universe is saying, yes, yes, it is good that you have friends to share things with.  It is good that you are not alone - but, let me have some time with you too!  Let me sit with you and hear what you have to say.  He is beckoning for me to come and sit with Him. 
I believe that.  I have lived that.  My God, the Creator of all things - desires time with me.  He desires that I come to Him.  He loves to hear me when I am angry, when I am thankful, when I am lonely, when I am sad, when my heart is hurting, and when my heart is filled with joy.  He loves me.  He loves me and wants to hear how I love Him.  He is a personal God.  He can handle any of my emotions (after all, he gave them to me when He formed me in my mother's womb).  He is big enough to handle anything I throw at Him, but He is "small" enough (simply meaning personal - and not far off) to care about the tiny, hidden things in my heart.  What a wonderful God! 
What a beautiful way to start the day.  I cannot wait for (corporate) worship this morning!