A Birthday of Blessings!

I woke up to a hand-made (sweet and of course, witty) card from my husband. 

I snuggled on the couch with my babies and ate breakfast.  :)

We met a friend at the movies for the incredible 50 cent Summer movie clubhouse!  (Loved seeing you Tiff - even though it was only for a bit!)

I was spoiled and treated to lunch by my beautiful friend, Mary.  Who also brought me my favorite coffee creamer, the beautiful flowers in the picture, and a new book!!!  I praise God because she knows me so well  - it was perfect - all of it.  My favorite part was getting to chat with her - I am always so blessed by her friendship and love.  Beautiful.

Another precious friend (Thanks Trish!) from our home group treated me to a massage!  Oh man, did I really need that.  It was simply delightful!

Then, my amazing personal chef (also known as my hubby, Ken) made me a steak dinner and his famous Cobb Salad - which is outstanding!  To top it off, he baked me a Red Velvet Cake and lit all 35 candles :) 
Then, I went to work out at BoomFIT with my sweet friend Debi (whom it has been entirely too long since we've hung out!).  I wanted to puke (after eating steak) - but it was really great and I felt good about it after the nausea wore off  :)

Countless friends called, emailed, texted and wrote on my FB wall - with birthday wishes.  So blessed. 

What a day!  My kids sang to me and loved on me all day.  I had sweet fellowship with friends and time to just relax (and pray and read). 

It was a perfect day!   I found myself being so grateful for my family and friends. 

I was especially blessed when my phone rang at 10:20pm!  My friend who lives in East Asia called me to wish me happy birthday.  We got to skype for over and hour and I just cried because of how good it was to see her face and hear her heart.  I have missed her so greatly over this past year!

I couldn't have designed a better day.  It was simply beautiful. 

I am so thankful for the gifts the Lord has given me in my friends.  I can't imagine not having a close group of people who I can share my dreams and my hurts and my heart with!   Each birthday wish, every sweet gesture and the time invested in my life from these precious people is priceless to me. 
What an amazing God to have planned my life before I was even created!  To think He knew every person I would come in contact with - each person that would enrich my life in some way or another...  wow.  What a good and gracious God! 

Today I am still just reveling in the goodness of God.  And, today, I got to enjoy coffee with a new dear friend, Dayna.  It was so exciting to hear how similar some of the desires in our hearts are.  Sweet!  Really sweet! 

I am so thankful for the hand of God in my life.  I am so thankful to be His child.  I am so thankful to have the friends that I have (every single one of you!) 

What a joy to hope in the Lord and have fellowship with others who are like-minded! My heart delights in the great things He is doing.  He is so worthy of my adoration.  He has surely done great things... and He will surely continue to do great things. 

When all around my soul gives way...

I think I may be running out of "titles" for blog posts.  This just seems to be the most appropriate title to my tired mind right now. So, I am gonna run with it!  Over the last two months, we have lost our business, discovered what it is to scrape every penny we can find just to make (some) of the ends meet.  We have had moments of seeming victory (like when they allowed us to pay our car note over two months time instead of having two notes due) - and we have had moments of sure defeat (like when we discovered that no credit card company would work with us prior to our going into collections for 6 months - thus completely destroying our credit).   But, praise the Lord, we have had enough food to eat, and we have been able to keep our home and our cars.  God is providing week by week for the needs that we have  - he has been consistently providing for us.  He is faithful - even when we don't deserve it.
We have had Verizon "accidentally" draft almost $1000.00 from our account, to be met with the response of "We are so sorry, but there is nothing we can do about that - your refund check will be issued in about 8 weeks."  We have had so many things like that happen - and in all this - there cannot be closure to our "failed" business.  It is enough to make one feel like a worthless liar and a cheat...
Sometimes, the only ways not to lose hope is to remember that this too is only a season, and this too shall pass.  I will be honest, I am weary of the daycare burden.  I was so ready to shake the dust from my feet.  Accepting defeat from the foes that threatened (from the very beginning) to close our doors, and yet, maintaining victory because we know with all of our hearts that we were dealt with outside the realms of justice.  We know that God reached in and rescued me from my sure demise.  The stress and pressure of being the owner was killing my soul.  So, with that stress removed - I began to feel life return to my weary bones.  But, because of the funds we owe to others... this door is seemingly never going to close, and I am growing ever weary of not knowing what is right - thus bringing a heaviness in my soul that I cannot see removed by my own hand or works.  I find each week that there is some other thing left undone, and I am so tired of it all.  This is the part I don't understand.  I don't know why it had to be this way.  If only someone would have wanted to take the business over, and pay us even a small amount of money for the "training" we could give... we would have had money to pay off the debts that we owe.  If only the people that owed us would have paid....  If we had just closed it down rather than going in debt to try and keep it open....  we could "if" it to death... 
As it is, we owe everyone it seems.  We owe the IRS, we owe customers, we owe our accountant, we owe the city of college station, we owe... we owe...  Equally as heavy is determining what to do when we do get a few dollars.  We owe 20 people, four companies, and the government.  How are we supposed to determine who is most worthy to receive their payment first?  Do we draw names from a hat?  Do we somehow try to judge who is really in the most need for their money?  Really?  Who is man that he can determine such things?  And yet, this is the task that I feel I have been given.  I hate it.  Many people can make judgements about how we got into this predicament in the first place.  I don't blame you, often I wonder the same thing.  Every decision seemed to be the right one at the time.  Maybe we should have just closed it down in December when we didn't have the funds to keep it going.  We felt like we were doing everyone a great service by loving on their children, and by offering jobs  - even as it cost us dearly in credit card expenses.  I don't even know if I can answer that question, but one thing I know... I am ready, so ready to be out of this place.  Those decisions have long since been made, right or wrong, and  I am ready to start a new chapter- I am ready to see how the Lord will deal with this mess that still threatens to completely make me lose hope.  It is not that I am not willing to work however hard it is necessary.  I truly am.  But, I am more aware right now, that I am powerless to make anything happen.   It is at times like this, that I have to remember that He who created me, knows my future and His plans are good.  I will not lose hope, because my hope is not in my ability (or my husband's) to work hard enough to get it taken care of.  My hope is fully formed in the One who holds the stars in His hands. 

My hope is found in nothing less 

than Jesus' blood and righteousness, 

I dare not trust the sweetest frame, 

but wholly lean on Jesus name.  

On Christ the solid rock I stand, 

all other ground is sinking sand.  

All other ground is sinking sand. 

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

That is my hope.  Before Him, I already stand blameless, though on the earth, I am riddled with guilt.  This is my hope that Jesus paid all of my debts - and somehow, He in His faithfulness will help us make it right in due time.   When all around my soul gives way... He then, is all my hope and stay. 
Thank you Jesus, that you are all that I need.  You are everything I need to make it through.  Though my name may be dragged through the muck and the mire, and though man may hold our lives under a microscope, I am so thankful that You, the Creator, are full of mercy and grace, and you continue to extend it to even the lowest of men.  Thank you God, for planning for our future, even when we failed to do so.  Thank you God, that everything you allow into our lives is for the purpose of bringing you glory and offering us hope.  Thank you Jesus that you make all things new.  In due time.  Yes, in due time, you will make all things new.  You will provide the offering so that we may stand - even in this situation that seems like it has no end, thank you that you know the day it will.  Thank you that you know the exact hour, and by what means our monetary debts will be paid off and we will start with a clean slate.  Thank you, Lord for your forgiveness when we are faithless.  Thank you for your love that never quits on us.  Somehow may we bring you glory through this.  Somehow, may your name receive honor and praise in the midst of this mess.... only You, Lord, can do things as great as that!

Sweet sweet day!!

What a sweet day it was today!

Early this morning, the Lord whispered a friend's name into my mind... and He kept her there.  After I took Jake to school, I called her to see if she could hang out today. 

What a beautiful surprise that she could - AND she was headed to her mom's house.  This was a special treat as her mom has a very special place in my heart. 

God knew exactly what I needed today.  He knew exactly what my heart was yearning for - and in a sweet way, on a beautiful day - He was more than abundant. 

It is funny, because I have come to expect abundance from my God.  But, on days like this, He still surprises me with His love.  I got to remember sweet things and we laughed.  I got to remember sad things and we got a little teary.
 
It made me so thankful that God planned long ago for our paths to cross, and more than that... He planned for eternity.  I do not have just one lifetime to love these precious ladies.  We have forever.  We will praise Him, as sisters and dearest of friends forever.  What a gift that He would bring people into our lives for the times that could seem hopeless or dreary - and instead it turns the whole ordeal into an opportunity to grow in Faith and trust.  What a gift that He brings us into each other's lives so that we can pray for them and love them.  

Then, I got home and another precious gift was waiting.  Another dear friend of mine was helping prepare a meal this evening for our adoption agency (APO).  It was so wonderful to get to cook with her and see her beautiful smile.  She has been so dear to me over the past few years.  She "mother's" me.  She loves me and serves me as if she were my momma.  It is precious to my heart - that has ached for a momma for over 17 years.
God is so good to have planned for these women to be in my life.  Tonight I am going to rest remembering how we need each other, and how sweet life is when we love Him with our lives.  I am so thankful to get to Worship this magnificent God with these precious precious ladies! 

THANKFUL LIST

I am thankful for my God (the Only God) who loves me no matter what!

I am thankful for a little baby girl (almost 2 years old!) who has curly hair and spends most of her time being naughty ;0)

I am thankful for a little boy (almost 3 years old) who taught princess naughty everything she

knows!

I am thankful for an 8 year old boy who is tender-hearted and amazingly artistic - AND a little crazy!

I am thankful for a 10 year old Diva-Princess who radiates mercy and love!

I am thankful for a 13 year old son who still loves his mom and tells his x-box live friends about Jesus!

I am thankful for a husband who loves his family, is extremely handsome, and is also just hilarious!

I am thankful for our birth-mom who chose to give our daughter life and then place her in our arms - even though it was one of the hardest things she has ever done.

I am thankful for the soft, pink blanket that was lost and could never have been fully replaced- which got found!

I am thankful for my precious friends (both here and overseas) who are getting to share the message of Jesus with people who have never heard the Truth!

I am thankful for co-workers who love me even on the roughest of days.

I am thankful for my church family who extend grace in ways I have never seen before!

I am thankful for Don and Mary Campbell who love me and have blessed my family in ways that I can’t put into words.

I am thankful for our adoption agency and their heart for the Lord!

I am thankful for the opportunities I have to love people every day.

I am thankful for the freezer full of deer meat which will feed our family all year long!

I am thankful for roommates who love Jesus and are a hoot to live with!

I am thankful for a car that holds our whole family!

I am thankful for the sounds of little feet running across the floor in the middle of the night.

I am thankful for a fireplace that we use instead of a heater almost all winter!

I am thankful for my relatives that I only get to see a few times a year. Praise God that most of them know Jesus!

I am thankful for the friends I am still in contact with that helped teach me about Jesus when I was little - and helped me get through the most difficult times of my life.

I am thankful for my children who forgive me even when I am short on temper and long on talking loudy (otherwise known as yelling). :0(

I am thankful for simple pleasures (laying on the trampoline on sunny days watching as the clouds remind me of God’s power and majesty).

I am thankful for chocolate milk. No, really, I mean it.

I am thankful for memories of drinking chocolate milk with my daddy while we watched Wylie Coyote.

I am thankful that I got to take care of my mom as she suffered with the pain of sickness - and I am thankful that my ridiculous attempts at playing the piano brought her joy. I am thankful that I got to be the one who sat beside her as she cried about her weakness. I am thankful that I got to sing to her - and I am thankful for the way that she loved to hear me sing. Precious. Precious memories...

I am thankful that my parents introduced me to Jesus when I was really young - and I’ve had the benefit of His presence my whole life.

I am thankful that I am chosen by God.

I am thankful that I am loved beyond measure.

I am thankful that this world is not all there is.

I am thankful that Jesus would have died on the cross - just for me. And thankful that He died just for you too.

I am thankful that there is a better life waiting.

I am thankful that we all have purpose. And I am especially thankful for those who are living out their purpose daily.

I am thankful for a quiet day and a good book.

I am thankful for a noisy, hard day and a lot of weary news- because it gives God a great opportunity to bring Himself glory in the midst of the pain.

I am thankful for beautiful scenery - and colder weather.

These are just a FEW things that I am thankful for. Every hour I could add to this list....

I am thankful for YOU - who read my list all the way through. Yep, YOU - I am thankful for YOU!

What an amazing God!

I don't have words to describe the thankfulness that is in my heart. Today, September 1, 2009 a 9 month old prayer became a reality! Today, our birthmom, Candice held her baby again - for the first time since we brought her home from the hospital. Wow. I knew I had prayed for it. I knew it would mean a lot to me... but I really had no idea. When the Word talks about Jesus doing things abundantly beyond what we can even ask or imagine, well it is just that. I couldn't have even imagined what a sweet time it would be. For over an hour (almost an hour and a half), I watched her hold Mia. She wouldn't take her eyes off of her. She just kept talking about how beautiful, how sweet, how content... how you can tell she is well cared for and loved. She talked to me like a friend. Not like I was some stranger that was raising "her baby"... but like a friend, like someone she trusts and as if she knew she can let her guard down around me. She said that she guesses it was "Time for her to see Mia again. She was more prepared." Except - she was totally not prepared for our visit! She isn't living with her mom anymore... and we had NO idea that she would be there. I dared to ask some friends to pray that if it was God's timing she would be... but she had no "reason" to be there.

She said that she just knew that she should come see her mom. She understands that there is a reason for everything under heaven! There is so much more! So much, but it is sooo late! I just had to get some out before I busted! What a FAITHFUL God we serve! What an amazing Creator! What a Beautiful Savior. I am in awe of His hand in our lives. We are blessed beyond measure. Wow.

Thankfulness...

“If you have played the fool and exalted yourself, or if you have planned evil, clap your hand over your mouth! For as churning the milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife.” Proverbs 30:32-33

So, in my life I have certainly played the fool. I am afraid that my biggest struggle is that of exalting myself. It is ugly to say - especially to share... but it is true. It has been often that I exalt myself in my mind (and to others). I love to be noticed. I love to be told how wonderful I am. I feel as if I deserve that in many ways. God has been revealing some pretty ugly things inside of me lately. I love that about Him. He wants me to be holy. He wants me to bring Him glory in all that I do. But, the more I exalt me the less I exalt Him. It is the nature of things. John the baptist had this wisdom. It is why he said, “I must become less... He must become more.” Yes. That is the key.

I have been thankless. I have been self-centered. I have thought more highly of myself than I ought. I have been unforgiving. I have been lazy. There it is - all out in ink now.

Whew. That feels good. It feels good to just know that I can say all of those things and God loves me just the same. His opinion of me isn't diminished. I want to become a woman who gives thanks for all things.

I am married to an amazing man. I am married to a man who is just and loving. I am married to a man that desires to be a “good and faithful servant”. I praise the Lord for that. He is a very handsome man. He is my hero. He is my love.

I have five beautiful children. FIVE! Wow! I am so blessed. Three amazing sons and two beautiful daughters. How great is the love that the Father has lavished on us!

I want to write. I want to sing. I want to live a life that is fragrant with Worship of the King. The Only One Worthy. He is my Everything. I want that to pour from me like a beautiful melody. Like a song that makes everyone feel good and joyful. I want to bring sunshine to every place I go. I want to put off the things that are weak and frail and pick up the things that are strong in the Lord! I want my heart to be moved by the things that move His heart.

That is all for now. Not all that is in my heart. Just all I have time to share :)