An unwanted silence

Most of the time when you say the words still or quiet it brings images of peaceful rest and wonderful silence. Well friends, it is with great sadness that I post today. It is beautiful to me how the skies are gray and cloudy... no hint of sun. It's as though God painted in the sky the very feelings of my heart. 

Yesterday morning Michael and I found out that we lost our baby. 

The ultrasound revealed no heartbeat, no movement just silence and stillness. Seeing that screen was so unexpected.  I have been so blessed to have five pregnancies without any complications or any trouble. Once we made it past the 12 week mark, there was no reason in my mind to worry. And yet, just days later our little one went to be with Jesus. Please pray for us. Tomorrow is scary and so sad for Michael and I.  We have so many emotions and so many questions. But the fact is that God is God and He is good. He is strong when we are weak... And when we don't understand, He understands fully. Only He can take our brokenness and heal our hearts. 

We are hurting. Deeply. There are not words to describe this kind of pain. 

Please pray for my babies. Maddy, Jared, Jude and Mia took the news pretty hard. It stirs up so many things. It is so real to us that this was not just tissue or a fetus. This was our baby. Formed with tiny fingers and toes and who we will name when we find out if it was a boy or a girl. They understand that a piece of our family will forever be missing. We are comforted by our faith, yet we grieve because all life is precious. 

I will share more later, but for now, please please just pray for us. Please pray for our hearts to mend and our minds to be filled with Truth. Please pray as my kiddos start school and I return to work on Monday. 

I am so thankful for a boss who has allowed me to take time off to be with my kids and rest and grieve. It is a busy time and I'm so thankful that she understands the importance of family and time to adjust and mourn. I am so thankful for my coworkers who are picking up the slack while I am away. I am blessed. I am so thankful for my Husband who has remained strong and been patient with me as I've cried almost all day for the past day and a half.  We are a mess. 

But we still bless the Lord. 

He is the Father over all of life and He alone determines the times and the seasons of this life. Slowly but steady I am trusting His hand over my life in ways that seemed impossible at one time.  Yet, we need prayer. Much prayer through this time. Much love from our family to you who read this.