Here we are again...

My boy would've been 18 today.

He would have been getting ready for College... picked up more hours over the summer at his job with Kroger and been preparing for "real life".  Plans would have been in motion for him to move out in the next year to get his own place with his friends.  I wold have been crying some, prepping my heart and my mind for his leaving and grieving the laughter we would miss out on as he moved out and moved on to big grown up man things.  I would have been figuring out how to divvy up all the chores he did without complaining most days... and enjoying watching him make great decisions, and praying hard as he made the wrong ones...

But, that isn't our road.  Instead of these things, today is filled with a different set of joys and a different set of sorrows.  I am not experiencing the losses of watching him grow up and move to a different city, or a different state.  I am not expecting him home for cookie cake and ice cream.  My beloved boy is in a place far better than he could have been here.  And, I rejoice that he is no longer having to experience the pain of this earth.  But, my heart yearns today, a little bit more than normal to be there with him.  My mind wanders to the streets I've heard about since I was a child that are paved with gold - and the beautiful crystal river that flows straight from the throne of the King.  Songs like "Save a Place for Me", and "I Can Only Imagine" play on repeat in my mind as I think about the beauty that he experiences every day.  And, then it settles in that we will have cake tonight, without him.  We will celebrate his precious life and his precious spirit and he won't be with us.

I can't describe that.  I can't describe how much I miss my boy.

All I can ask is that if you read this, you say a prayer today for me and for my family.  Wrap us up with  prayers to the Father for our peace and our hearts to remember that His plan is good, even when it hurts.  Pray that today, somehow, God will bring more healing to our hearts.  We need it.  We will always need it.  And just because you can, hug your kids tighter than normal today.  And bless the name of God for giving them to you.  Children are a gift, no matter how much they struggle on this earth.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts a minute.  It feels good to let a little of it out.  God is good, He is faithful and His plan is good.  I know it to my core, even when my heart struggles to believe it.