Brave little one...

I suppose it is time that I share publicly that we have no shortage of trials right now.  But, I would be remiss to omit that I am NOT losing heart.  God is so very faithful.  You see, my circumstances don't get to dictate if that is true or not.  That is true, it is up to me whether or not I want to believe it. 

We had to take Mia to the ER a few weeks ago for a seizure.  It was very minor.  She felt it coming on - and she was such a brave girl.  We had a CT scan done, and they had great news - there is nothing in her brain (no tumors or growths) that are causing her to have seizures.  We scheduled an EEG the next week for more extensive testing.  She was such a good girl.  She did everything the nurse asked her to do.  I am so proud of her - she was nervous, but she wasn't showing it in outward ways.    This was her second seizure.  In four years, 2 seizures is a very small number.   I noticed during this EEG test, when she was blowing the pin wheel, she stopped blowing and looked very blank.  It occurred to me that she couldn't do it anymore, but then she "came to" again and continued to blow.  Her results came back showing there was an abnormality in relation to the hyperventilation test.   When my doctor called me, I wasn't shocked, but I was sad.  As a mommy, I want to protect my kids from everything that is hard.  But, that isn't what God has asked of me.  I do not get to keep them from the hard parts of life.  I get to teach them how to navigate those hard things.   We will go to a neurologist this next Thursday to get a better explanation and create a plan to make sure she gets everything she needs. 

I have no words to describe the depth of love in my heart for my daughter. 

All of my children are treasures from Heaven.  I am honored to be their mom.  I am blessed beyond measure.  And, I say with full assurance that my God loves them all more than I do.  I know with all of my heart that this is true. 

He knit my Mia together.  There is nothing hidden from Him.  That includes the way her body operates.  He sees and knows it all.  The peace I have in my heart knowing that her life is not in my hands, or the hands of any person is beyond comprehension.  Her life is now, and has always been in the hands of my Faithful God.  The creator of the Universe.  He is fully able to restore her.  And, He adores her.  I do not know if she will need any medication, now or ever.  I do not know what things we will need to adjust or what things we will need to monitor more closely.  I know that epilepsy can most times be fairly well controlled with medicines. 

But, just having this come up stirs something deeper inside of me.  None of us are guaranteed health.  None of us are guaranteed life this day or the next.  None of us.  We do not control what comes into our lives on a grand scale.  We can only choose how to respond when things come up.  I want to respond with full out trust of my God.  I want to wholeheartedly respond with worship.  Because, I also know that He has every right to take any of my children home with Him at any time.  They are all on loan to me from Him.  It is my job to raise them, protect them from harm, and teach them to honor Him with their lives.  But, I have no control.  I do not get to choose which battles they will have to fight in this life, and I certainly can't control the choices they make as those battles come.  I simply have the privilege to teach them what His Word says is best.  I have the honor of relaying His faithfulness to them each day, whatever may come.  I trust Him.

Hear me when I say I trust Him.  With all of our lives, with everything in our lives.  He will not fail us.  He will not let us down.  He works everything together for our good.  Everything.  So, as you think of us... as you see that picture of my brave little girl, please pray that we will have opportunities to love on other people who are struggling through hard times.  Please pray that we will rightly reflect the power and love of God to us - so that others may find the peace that passes understanding in their own hearts as well.  We have a gift in this.  We have a gift to share with others.  I know that God will provide everything we need to get through this just like every other thing that comes into our lives that we didn't ask for.   

(Un)Faithful

One thing that God will not allow me to forget over the past few weeks is this:

His faithfulness to me does not depend on my faithfulness to Him.  (2 Timothy 2:13)
His love towards me is not dependent on anything I do. (Romans 5:8; 1 John 4:10)
His approval of me is established forever by the blood of His Son. (Eph 2:13; Hebrews 9:15)

Therefore, there is nothing more I have to do ever - to gain His approval or love or affections.  Ever.  Can you believe that?  I mean it, really, can you let that sink in for a minute?  Nothing you do - or don't do *after you have accepted Jesus as the sacrifice for your sins* changes God's mind about who you are! 

Your righteous acts are as filthy rags.
Every gift is from Him.

You become nothing - and gain everything. 

I love the paradigm shift.  I love how opposed to this world that is. 
I have to "do more" becomes,  "He did it all for me already".
I have to "be more" becomes, "Be still and know that I am God".
"Look out for number one" becomes "Fix your eyes on Jesus".

It is terribly difficult to look at things you cannot see.  To find treasures in darkness (Isaiah 45:3).  To unlock the mysteries of the Word.  But, by the Holy Spirit we are able to do such things.  God shares His secrets under the right circumstances. (1 Cor. 4:1; Psalms 25:14 (NIV) ) 

There is true freedom when you realize that you cannot change God's mind about you.  When you allow Him to change your heart - He gives you a new one - and forever and ever you belong.  You are His.  You cannot be taken away.  You cannot lose His love.  Precious peace beyond all understanding is yours for the taking - knowing that you are finally enough.  Your life matters because it matters to God. 

I cannot express what it would do for your whole outlook on life if you could really understand how the Creator of the Universe loves you.  If you could just for one minute embrace it.  Don't take my word for it - take His!!  Pick up the Book right now and search out how much He loves you.  Go to Biblegateway.org and type in unfailing love....  just see what He says about His love for you.  I am overwhelmed again at His plan.  It is so contrary to man's.  But, it is so beautiful. 

I am so in love with Him.

Streams of Living Water

My heart is so full.

My soul is completely satisfied.  As with the richest of foods.

My heart rejoices in Your salvation, my God. 

In Your presence there is fullness of joy. 

My heart is saying again and again, “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.” Psalm 28:7

Today, I can rejoice, with a soft heart, a refreshed and renewed spirit within me.  Because of His great love for me, I am not consumed.  God worked through no less than 6 families to bring me safely to Kansas City.  I had no way to get here on my own, but I knew with all of my heart that I had to come to the prayer room.  As always, He has spoken His Word and His truth over my heart, confirming that which He had already placed in my heart, but renewing my spirit within me.  Giving me peace that passes any understanding.  Bestowing upon me grace upon grace to stand and say that I am His.  I will walk whatever way He desires, no matter what the cost because He is so worthy! 

He is worthy.  Oh, beloved, I beg you to press into Him.  Come to know this man Jesus who loved you to the point of death.  He gave it all up because He is crazy about you.  He came down from Heaven - the most glorious place - because we needed Him.  You must come to know Him.  Don’t settle for hearing about Him.  Don’t settle for thinking you know Him on Sundays.  Press in to really know Him - read His Word of Life, the Bible.  Give Him your time and your affections.  He will not mishandle them.  He is faithful.  He is good.  He is able to be trusted.  He is deserving of all praise!  Psalm 54:4, “Surely God is my help; the Lord is the One who sustains me.”

I am so thankful for my friends who helped me come here and be refreshed.  I thank you for your prayers, for your gifts of gas money, the beautiful place to stay, the prayer covering as I have been here, and your gift of a vehicle with exceptional gas mileage!!  May God bless you with blessings upon blessings for being the very heart of Christ towards me during this time of great need!  Truly, I say to you my heart can now say, “You gave abundant showers, O God; you refreshed your weary inheritance.” Psalm 68:9.
 
I am stunned each day I am here as He has made it so personal to me during this time of worship and rest.  My mom told me many years ago that my life verse is Psalm 63:8 , “My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me.”  It is set in the midst of one of my very favorite Psalms.  Yesterday and today in the morning the “worship in the Word” was through Psalm 63.  I am telling you He is reminding me that I am His beloved.  I am His favorite.  :)  And, Beloved friends, you are too.  Oh how I wish I could make that a reality in your mind.  He is crazy about you.  He delights in you.  He still thinks you were worth the cross!! 

He is revealing to me over and over that He is jealous for me and He wants to destroy everything in my heart that hinders love.  He will go to any lengths to make me fully His and He will do the same for you. 

I will leave you with these things that are foremost in my mind and some beautiful words of Truth:

To everyone who will hear,  Jesus says this, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.” 

I have been so thirsty, that I forgot the streams of living water were already flowing from within me.  But, He has been gracious and reminded me that He has been with me, and helping me all along.  What a sweet God.  What a merciful Savior.

Psalm 57:1-3 “Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge.  I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.  I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills His purpose for me.  He sends from Heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me; God sends His love and His faithfulness.”

Psalm 59:16-17, “But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for You are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.  O my Strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God.”

Psalm 63:3 “Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you, and I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.”

Psalm 86:8-10 “Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours.  All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name.  For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.”

Indeed, there is but One God, and indeed there is but One who saves.  And, He stands ready to rescue you from all of your troubles, if you should only declare in your heart and with your mouth that you need Him.  He will hear you, and He will receive you, and He will help you.

Broken Vessels for God's Use ~ my labor of love.

Friends!

Finally, it is ready.  If you would like to read my book - it is available for purchase at www.brokenvesselsforgod.com.  Just click on the picture of the book.  My amazing husband set that up for me.  :)

At some moments, I thought it would never be fully ready, but I think it is relatively safe to say - it is now!  Every time I pick it up and look at the cover, I am filled with thankfulness to my sweet Savior who allowed me the time to do it and who rescued me from circumstances that were dreadful!  I am hoping and praying this book will minister to people even half as much as it has already ministered to me.  It is a constant reminder to me that He is a God who not only gives us passions and dreams, but is also pleased to see them come to fruition.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He removed me from a difficult working situation where I was neglecting my family and missing out on the purposes He created me for so that I could do one of the things He has given me passion for.
I have never been so sure that He has created us all for a purpose.  He has called us each to something of significance.  Even if it only appears significant in the eyes of God.  It isn't about how impopular the book is, or how popular it might become.  To me it is about an act of obedience in an area that was actually easy to obey - in fact the more I put my hand to it, the more my heart fell in love with Jesus.  It was about reveling in the beauty of my God who would allow me the time and opportunity to do what He had set in my heart.  The blessings have already been given - the time in His Word to write it and research.  The time learning the lessons that are within the pages of the book.  The amazing teachers I have had and friends I have made along the journey.  These are the things that matter.  Yet, if I hear that the book blesses somebody else, I may very well just go up to be with Jesus my heart might be so full!

Anyway, I am thankful and I am blessed to be here in this moment, working a job that I love more than any job I have ever had.  Being a mommy to my children who are a blessing to me daily.  And continuing to learn that God intends good for me for all of my life - no matter how strongly the enemy comes against that.  I am so very thankful for this time.  I am so very thankful for my God who is always Faithful.

Hey there - it's been a while!

Well, it has been a while since I've been here.

I haven't had much "spare" time. Life is altogether too busy.But, even in the midst of the busy-ness, we have managed to do some pretty great things!!

We have played in the snow.

We have been to a birthday party!

We have had a work day at the daycare - where I made my kiddos work hard!

We have worshipped and prayed. We have cried and laughed. We have snuggled up and watched movies. We have argued. We have hugged. We have yelled. We have done nice things for each other. We have lived life...

I have worked on my book. I am excited about that. Even busy, I have managed to tweak a few things here and there. There are two things that bring me exceedingly abundant joy.

1. worship

2. reading God's Word

there are two things that bring me exceeding joy:

1. My husband

2. My children

there are three things (okay a lot more than that, but 3 for now) that make me happy:

1. Chocolate milk (I mean, it makes me REALLY happy).

2. Reading in a "sunroom" on a beautiful day

3. Reading bedtime stories to my little ones.

I love Jesus. I know that isn't much of a surprise, but I really LOVE Him. He changes everything for me. Everything. Today in church, we talked about Hezekiah, and how God literally turned back time for him - as a sign of His faithfulness. It reminds me of the day the sun stood still for another Biblical friend - Joshua.

It doesn't amaze me that He can do those things - literally - the earth and the sea and everything in them are subject to Him.

What amazes me is that He does them for us - broken human beings who are going to fail Him every time.

He knows that, and yet, He never gives up on us!

Never.

What comfort is found for me in that! It makes me sad for my sweet Candice (our birth-mom). Very few people in her life have not "given up on her". It is really what she expects. People expect her to fail. People refuse to believe that even she can change. It is hard when you see her actions.

But, I know the way that God has (and is) pursuing her. I am just praying it won't take 10 years in jail for her to come to her senses. Mia would be 12. But, I believe that God knows best, and if that is what will save her life - then ultimately, that is what I desire. I love this girl, and I want her to know Jesus and love Jesus more than she loves life.

God will never give up on me, and by His grace alone, I will never give up on her.

She is His beloved child.

His daughter.

She is a daughter of the King, and she is living in the slums.

She needs a rescuer. She needs Jesus to show up and rock her world.

Has He done that for you? Has He rocked your whole world yet? If you know Him, I challenge you to ask Him to show up in an area of your life that seems so complicated - in a way that is undeniably Him. You will never get enough of Him. I pray that you will find Him in a way you have never found Him before. And, if you will - could you say a prayer for my Candice while you are with Him? Pray that He will move in her heart, and in her life in a way that is perfectly Righteous.

That's it for this beautiful day. I am going to read, and write a letter to my Candice, and I am going to thank the Lord for time to spend in His Word - and I am going to pray for my precious friends Mary and Don as they are spending this weekend with his very ill parents. God is faithful - every single day, in every single way.