Thoughts on Division, Truth, Black Lives Matter and Love...

Yesterday as I was driving in my car with music blaring and reminding me who God is (and who He has always been to me) it occurred to me that most of the things that I do in my life that bring devastation - or lead to bad choices and pain come from other, longer forgotten pains that still come calling every once in a while. I found myself calling out to God to completely heal and restore me in these broken places, freshly torn open by someone who is callous, bitter, mean, cynical and critical. It has taken me almost 24 hours and constant prayer to pray redeeming and good things for this one. It doesn't mean that boundaries won't be set. It doesn't mean that I will allow the offenses to stand... but what it does mean is that I won't let that one person destroy my peace, or cause me to have a strain in my relationship with Jesus. I will pray to forgive (again), I will pray mercy for his soul. I will pray grace over my words, and my life - and grace over his as well. I am still battling with wanting to stand up in pride and exert my justice, my righteous anger. But, if God doesn't win, if love doesn't win - nobody wins. 

I looked up synonyms for Grudge - because this word almost defines his life. Bitterness, ill will, resentment and malice came up. All of it - yes. But, then as I scrolled down I noticed something.. the antonyms for grudge are: friendship, good will, happiness, kindness, respect, love, loving, sympathy, favor and forgiveness. 

Astonishing. It seems like with this I have two choices (though really one choice that leads to life and peace). I can choose to hold a grudge and become bitter, hold ill will and resentments, or I can turn it over (again and again) to the One who knows all things. He knows where this one is lacking. He knows every thing he needs to heal. And, in the meantime, I can choose happiness, sympathy, and forgiveness - which in turn will bring me all the good things that God promises when we turn over our anger and hurts to Him and remember that vengeance belongs to Him. He sees. He knows. He is right. My feelings and brokenness get in the way... but by God's great mercy and grace I can choose to say to that mountain of HATRED - move!!!! - and the mountain will move. I can choose to say to that mountain of PRIDE - be thrown into the sea - and it will be tossed into the sea. God delights in our willingness to say we can't - because He knows He can and He is so ready to help those who call on Him for help. 

This got me to thinking about all the things I haven't been saying right now. I have been so embarrassed by my Christian friends who are out there spreading hate in the name of Jesus. I have been so angry about the ones who group all people together as if they are one and the same in mind and actions and heart. Let me name a few... 

Christians

(Any race) Black, White, Hispanic, Chinese, ANY AND EVERY RACE

Women

Men

Americans

Police officers

Politicians of a specific affiliation

I got to thinking about the brave men and women throughout history who have told us that Hatred always divides and NEVER WINS, and I have been thinking about a great book I read by Bob Goff that reminds us that LOVE WINS. The Bible says that love never fails. Never. God is not a liar. If He said it never fails, then I believe Him. 

Friends, please hear this. It is okay to be angry. But, we are reminded not to sin when we are angry. For every injustice GOD SEES. For every hateful hurtful thing that has been done to you - whether personally or over time throughout your family generations, GOD KNOWS. And no matter what the color of your skin, the nationality you hold, GOD CARES. While we were yet sinners Christ died for us. 

To my Christian friends... please hear my heart. I LOVE the Word of God. It is my life. I do not diminish sin or try to change the Word to say something it doesn't (God help me!). 

 I am recognizing that when God says to humble ourselves and pray - he is not talking to the "lost" - he is talking to the CHRISTIANS. He is saying if MY PEOPLE who are called by MY NAME... so if you are preaching to yourself, yes, please continue to search your own heart and find the million little places you are not humble. Please keep seeking the face of God to break your heart - to listen and to try and have understanding. But, for the love of all things HOLY stop pointing at other people. If you post it on facebook in hopes that you are gonna convict that one sinner and lead them to repentance TAKE IT DOWN!! It does not honor God. This scripture is a call to look inward, not outward to bring conviction, or shame or any other thing. You are not anyone else's Holy Spirit. You don't get to humble other people. The only person you can humble is yourself. You deal with you and then let God handle everyone else. His resume is clear that He has the credentials to do that. Again, if you posted it to yourself as a reminder of your own wickedness and brokenness, by all means, leave it up there and even confess how you haven't been humble. But, if you meant it for someone else's eyes then you yourself aren't following the command therein. 

From here out I am probably going to make a lot of people mad in this post. The thing is - I want to be the first to declare that I am BROKEN. I am not Jesus. I am not perfect and I do not have perfect understanding. I am sinful. I am prideful. I am stubborn. I get angry and I sin in my anger. I forget that loving people is the second highest calling (after loving God) sometimes and put myself before others. I am selfish and I am self righteous. I have sinned sexually more times than I care to recount. I have sinned by going to bed angry. I have sinned with my words, and with my actions. I am a mess. I have hurt others. I have stolen. I have lied. I have had a lot of wrong thinking that led to hurtful statements and I have committed all the sins that Jesus speaks to in the Beatitudes. So, these things I am about to say are not meant to JUDGE. I am the judge of NO ONE. These things are meant to bring together groups of people who are right now worlds apart. 

When are we going to start seeing people as human - and more than that - as individuals? 

When we are little kids at some point or another we probably heard that we are like snowflakes... no two are just alike, right? So now that we are grown ups - why do we try to put any two people- or worse yet a whole group of people in the same exact category? I am a wife and mom. I lost my mom to cancer. I lost my firstborn child and two others that never breathed one breath on the earth. My parents were divorced. I have been divorced twice. I have a political "affiliation". I am a sister. I am a step-mom. I am a friend. I can assure you that NO ONE'S experiences are exactly like mine. I can be sure no one on the earth knows how I feel or think about any particular thing at any given time. So, to say "all black people are...." or "all white people are... " or all police officers, christians, women, men, muslims, Americans, homosexuals, liberals, republicans, democrats, left wing, right wing.... you fill in the blank. What's in the blank in your mind. Be honest with yourself... you don't have to tell me. But, who do you lump into a category?

In the same house this week I have one that posted on social media that "if you don't love this country you are free to leave and you won't be missed" and I have one that says that "July 4th is a Holiday that celebrates only the freedom of "white men".  Dear Lord help me. This is in my own home- and both of these kids need some understanding. How embarrasing.  Not for them... but that I haven't taught them to use social platforms to be loving and to try to unify... not divide. For goodness sake they both need a little less judgement and a lot more love. Neither of those things sound like the thing that Jesus would say. Neither of those things are things that I personally have taught them. But, it is what they learned and it is my job to try and help straighten things out according to the Word of God. 

I HATE CANCER. 

I HATE SIN.  

But, neither of those are people. 

What would you think of me if I said I hate people who have cancer? 

I surely don't hate people who HAVE cancer... not anymore than I should hate people who have sin (fill in the blank on your favorite sin here... adultry, homosexuality, abortion, pride, self righteousness). Jesus NEVER told us to hate people. He told us to hate even the clothes that are stained with sin. But He did not tell us to hate the sinner. 

That's harder right? Look at the beginning of this very post! It's hard for me too.  So, I get your anger. I get that it is hard sometimes to hate the sin and not hate the sinner. For heaven's sake, I have hated myself for my own sin probably more than anyone else. And when people are mean I have a really hard time not hating them as a person. That's just honest right there. I saw a shirt once that said "Mean people suck." I almost bought it. Almost. 

I acknowledge that America is broken and we have a long way to go. I acknowledge that Black lives matter. 

It is not any one person's problem, or any one person's fault that people who live in America are divided. It is all of our problems and all of our faults at some level. I am GRATEFUL to be an American. Most days I am proud to be an American and be lumped in that group, but we do have a lot of work to do to be United and Free - all people together. There are specific groups of people who HAVE been and still ARE oppressed. How can you go outside and not see that? Can you really not acknowledge that some people have to fight for freedom harder than others? Again, this isn't limited to just one group, or one color or one nationality... for heaven sake, but can't you see that there are large groups that have dealt with more - just as there have been individuals across all nationalities that don't make up any group. Let's talk about the sex trade. The countless women (and men) who have been abused as children and sold as sex slaves. The children who have been molested and oppressed and killed. These are not "groups" guys. These are PEOPLE. Every one of them had a name and a face and were created by the same Creator. Until there is a group of people that seek to Love God and then love others (and I'm talking 1st Corinthians type of love) there will continue to be oppression and hatred and division. So, I will end with this one Scripture passage and a few final words. 

13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

So, my final thoughts for now are these. I am not ashamed of my kids who are getting it wrong. I just understand that we need to keep having the conversation about loving others. I am not mad at them (today) for sounding foolish, and I am trying to give myself grace for not having taught them earlier or better... we ALL need grace here. But, that is just it. We all need grace. We all need to be seen, to be heard and to feel known. We all need to love better and more often and according to the Love that is described above. That is the only thing that will change us as a country. But it won't change our country until it changes us as INDIVIDUALS. Please see people individually. And please recognize that we are all made by the same ARTIST. 

My Christian friends who have gotten pulled into the divisive dialogues... please back out. Look up and look inward and pray hard. Don't tie Jesus with your judgement. You aren't Jesus, and no matter how much you have studied His book, you aren't the author.  There is but ONE Lawgiver and Judge, and it isn't you (or me). 

My black friends. I love you. I see you. I am hearing you. I am sorry for your hurt. I am sorry for any specific way that I personally have hurt you. (Please message me if this applies so that I am aware.) But know that I see you as an individual and not simply based on your skin. I love you for you - and not for the color of your skin or the groups you are associated with. And, I will try to do better and love more, and teach my kids to do the same as often as I can. 

My friends that don't fall into those two groups (I hate groups... these are all people!!!) - please know if you are in my life you always have a safe place. I will tell you what I believe and I will call sin, sin. But, I will seek God's help to hear you even where we differ. I will seek God's help to love you right where you are because you are worth it. Please don't lump me into a group. Just let me be fully me, and I will try to let you be fully you - without judgement. Where we disagree, I will still try to listen. If we are close I will probably monitor my words less and be a little louder, because I love you and I am vested in you. But, if we are not close, I will try to just listen. I want to hear your pain and where you are coming from. But, please - really - search out whether you are personally being divisive or if you are truly trying to bring EVERYONE together through love.  Sinful people make up groups. Good groups. Bad groups. All groups. I cannot change anyone but myself. I cannot control what others think of me. But I can be true to the One who can change me and who always thinks Holy things about me. I can love Him and seek His face and His counsel in every area I am lacking (which is pretty much every single area!) 

Love and peace to everyone. Jesus came for you. Jesus loves you. Even if you hate... He loves. Even if you condemn - He is grieved, but He loves you. 

Streams of Living Water

My heart is so full.

My soul is completely satisfied.  As with the richest of foods.

My heart rejoices in Your salvation, my God. 

In Your presence there is fullness of joy. 

My heart is saying again and again, “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.” Psalm 28:7

Today, I can rejoice, with a soft heart, a refreshed and renewed spirit within me.  Because of His great love for me, I am not consumed.  God worked through no less than 6 families to bring me safely to Kansas City.  I had no way to get here on my own, but I knew with all of my heart that I had to come to the prayer room.  As always, He has spoken His Word and His truth over my heart, confirming that which He had already placed in my heart, but renewing my spirit within me.  Giving me peace that passes any understanding.  Bestowing upon me grace upon grace to stand and say that I am His.  I will walk whatever way He desires, no matter what the cost because He is so worthy! 

He is worthy.  Oh, beloved, I beg you to press into Him.  Come to know this man Jesus who loved you to the point of death.  He gave it all up because He is crazy about you.  He came down from Heaven - the most glorious place - because we needed Him.  You must come to know Him.  Don’t settle for hearing about Him.  Don’t settle for thinking you know Him on Sundays.  Press in to really know Him - read His Word of Life, the Bible.  Give Him your time and your affections.  He will not mishandle them.  He is faithful.  He is good.  He is able to be trusted.  He is deserving of all praise!  Psalm 54:4, “Surely God is my help; the Lord is the One who sustains me.”

I am so thankful for my friends who helped me come here and be refreshed.  I thank you for your prayers, for your gifts of gas money, the beautiful place to stay, the prayer covering as I have been here, and your gift of a vehicle with exceptional gas mileage!!  May God bless you with blessings upon blessings for being the very heart of Christ towards me during this time of great need!  Truly, I say to you my heart can now say, “You gave abundant showers, O God; you refreshed your weary inheritance.” Psalm 68:9.
 
I am stunned each day I am here as He has made it so personal to me during this time of worship and rest.  My mom told me many years ago that my life verse is Psalm 63:8 , “My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me.”  It is set in the midst of one of my very favorite Psalms.  Yesterday and today in the morning the “worship in the Word” was through Psalm 63.  I am telling you He is reminding me that I am His beloved.  I am His favorite.  :)  And, Beloved friends, you are too.  Oh how I wish I could make that a reality in your mind.  He is crazy about you.  He delights in you.  He still thinks you were worth the cross!! 

He is revealing to me over and over that He is jealous for me and He wants to destroy everything in my heart that hinders love.  He will go to any lengths to make me fully His and He will do the same for you. 

I will leave you with these things that are foremost in my mind and some beautiful words of Truth:

To everyone who will hear,  Jesus says this, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.” 

I have been so thirsty, that I forgot the streams of living water were already flowing from within me.  But, He has been gracious and reminded me that He has been with me, and helping me all along.  What a sweet God.  What a merciful Savior.

Psalm 57:1-3 “Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge.  I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.  I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills His purpose for me.  He sends from Heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me; God sends His love and His faithfulness.”

Psalm 59:16-17, “But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for You are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.  O my Strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God.”

Psalm 63:3 “Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you, and I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.”

Psalm 86:8-10 “Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours.  All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name.  For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.”

Indeed, there is but One God, and indeed there is but One who saves.  And, He stands ready to rescue you from all of your troubles, if you should only declare in your heart and with your mouth that you need Him.  He will hear you, and He will receive you, and He will help you.

I almost fell for it...

Today I came disturbingly close to falling full force into the trap the enemy had set for me.  But, praise be to God that “He makes my feet like the feet of a deer and enables me to walk on the heights...” 

I got “the” letter today.  The one that has wrong information about the “facts” of the daycare closing.  It’s the same letter that beckons me to believe - I just wasn’t good enough.  I’m a failure, and my name is ruined.  It is the one that almost trapped me into thinking that my value could be determined by the mere opinion of a fellow man.  It is the one that made me reconsider defending my own glory - which is a far different thing than desiring the Lord’s glory alone.  It was a well-set trap.  But, my God is a God who delights in Truth.  And, His Word is full of that Truth.

Just before Jesus was crucified, He prayed for all Believers, and He specifically prayed for you and me -  those of us who would follow Him without ever having sat with Him at supper.  He prayed for those of us who would Believe on His Name and be saved.  He asked His Father several things.  One of them was this, “My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. 16 They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. 17 Sanctify them by the truth; your Word is truth.” (John 17:15-17).

We will be sanctified by the truth.  His Word is truth.  His Word is what will sanctify us. 

To be sanctified means:  the act/process of making holy, consecrated according to Holman’s Bible Dictionary. 
Webster’s defines it like this: to set apart to a sacred purpose...

As believer’s in Christ, we are set apart to a sacred purpose for sure.  We need His Word to guide us into all truth.  Colossians 3:16 “just happened” to be the verse of the day today on my phone’s daily Bible app.  It says this, “Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” 

The Word of God should dwell in us richly.  It teaches us.  That Scripture says that we should have it dwelling in us so much that we can teach and admonish one another in all wisdom.  Scripture yields wisdom - straight from One that has all things and created all things.  I love how it says, “with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” 

Thankfulness is key. 

I, for a moment, forgot how thankful I am for what the Lord has done through this already. 

I am filled with gratitude.  In the deepest places, I am greatly rejoicing over His hand of protection and unfailing love towards me. 

I was rescued.  I am treasured.  I am going to rejoice to the same degree that I get to share in His sufferings.  The false accusations I have received PALE in comparison to those He received. 

I am human, and flawed.

He was perfect.  No mistakes.  No flaws.  Without blemish. 

He was tried, beaten, mocked, spat upon and crucified - and He did nothing wrong.  Not one thing.

I feel like Job as he stood in the storm - right in the very presence of God’s power and said, “my ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.” (Job 42:5)  His next move - he despised himself and repented in dust and ashes.

I am afraid too often that is my problem.  I do not despise myself.  I am not talking about not having self esteem.  I am talking about loving my “self”, loving my flesh.  Loving my name more than I love His.  I wish you could hear my heart screaming!  “I DO NOT WANT TO LOVE MY NAME MORE THAN I LOVE HIS!!!!!” 

Lord, Jesus, help me get this!!  These are the times to bring Him glory.  These are the times to worship Him and serve Him only.  Ugh, when will my flesh understand that it is not about me!

So, here it is...  a confession long overdue this day:

He alone is beautiful. 
He alone is worthy.
He alone is the Creator. 
He alone deserves ALL glory and praise.
He alone can redeem my life.
He was and is, and is to come.

May His Kingdom come and His will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.