Hey there - it's been a while!

Well, it has been a while since I've been here.

I haven't had much "spare" time. Life is altogether too busy.But, even in the midst of the busy-ness, we have managed to do some pretty great things!!

We have played in the snow.

We have been to a birthday party!

We have had a work day at the daycare - where I made my kiddos work hard!

We have worshipped and prayed. We have cried and laughed. We have snuggled up and watched movies. We have argued. We have hugged. We have yelled. We have done nice things for each other. We have lived life...

I have worked on my book. I am excited about that. Even busy, I have managed to tweak a few things here and there. There are two things that bring me exceedingly abundant joy.

1. worship

2. reading God's Word

there are two things that bring me exceeding joy:

1. My husband

2. My children

there are three things (okay a lot more than that, but 3 for now) that make me happy:

1. Chocolate milk (I mean, it makes me REALLY happy).

2. Reading in a "sunroom" on a beautiful day

3. Reading bedtime stories to my little ones.

I love Jesus. I know that isn't much of a surprise, but I really LOVE Him. He changes everything for me. Everything. Today in church, we talked about Hezekiah, and how God literally turned back time for him - as a sign of His faithfulness. It reminds me of the day the sun stood still for another Biblical friend - Joshua.

It doesn't amaze me that He can do those things - literally - the earth and the sea and everything in them are subject to Him.

What amazes me is that He does them for us - broken human beings who are going to fail Him every time.

He knows that, and yet, He never gives up on us!

Never.

What comfort is found for me in that! It makes me sad for my sweet Candice (our birth-mom). Very few people in her life have not "given up on her". It is really what she expects. People expect her to fail. People refuse to believe that even she can change. It is hard when you see her actions.

But, I know the way that God has (and is) pursuing her. I am just praying it won't take 10 years in jail for her to come to her senses. Mia would be 12. But, I believe that God knows best, and if that is what will save her life - then ultimately, that is what I desire. I love this girl, and I want her to know Jesus and love Jesus more than she loves life.

God will never give up on me, and by His grace alone, I will never give up on her.

She is His beloved child.

His daughter.

She is a daughter of the King, and she is living in the slums.

She needs a rescuer. She needs Jesus to show up and rock her world.

Has He done that for you? Has He rocked your whole world yet? If you know Him, I challenge you to ask Him to show up in an area of your life that seems so complicated - in a way that is undeniably Him. You will never get enough of Him. I pray that you will find Him in a way you have never found Him before. And, if you will - could you say a prayer for my Candice while you are with Him? Pray that He will move in her heart, and in her life in a way that is perfectly Righteous.

That's it for this beautiful day. I am going to read, and write a letter to my Candice, and I am going to thank the Lord for time to spend in His Word - and I am going to pray for my precious friends Mary and Don as they are spending this weekend with his very ill parents. God is faithful - every single day, in every single way.

Shadows

Tonight I sit - listening to worship music - in my soft bed. I am troubled in my heart for my precious Candice. Too many people can’t understand where she is coming from... Or why she continues to stay where she is. It hit me yesterday how similar I am to Candice. It hit me how similar we all are to her. No matter what we pretend. We all desire to be loved. We all desire to be told that we are beautiful. We all desire to receive the attentions of someone - all of us. I say in one breath that I can’t understand how she could allow herself to be physically abused over and over again by the same guy. Why she would continue to go back to him - even after he hurts her? Why would she continue to stand up for him - why? And then I realize how many times I go back to the same thing that draws me nearer to death every day. Death in my soul, I mean. The lies that keep me in bondage. The lies that keep me from fully believing God. Not just believing Him for the things that He has promised in the future... But the things He has promised me today.

I am not all about name it and claim it. Our God paid a high price for our salvation. He sent His one and only precious Son to the cross in order to make things right. I serve a Holy God that is far too Sovereign to let me name what I think is good for my life and leave me to my own devices. He alone knows what is good. He alone is good. But, that is exactly what the enemy is trying every day to steal from me.

A friend of mine asked me once if I really believed that God is good. I said, “Of course.” But then she made it a little simpler for me to check out in my heart. She said, “Yes, I know you know that God is good, but do you believe that He wants only good for you - ONLY good for YOUR life?” Hmmm... I knew He is good. I know He wants only good for His children, but did I fully embrace my inheritance as His true child? I’m still not sure I do. I’m sure, in fact, that I will not fully embrace that here on the earth. But, it is the truth. No matter what hardships come my way - His desire is only for good in my life. His thoughts - all of them towards me are HOLY. Holiness is pure goodness. That is my own definition. But, I just think of it as something that is set apart in it’s unique purity. I am His child - His true heir, not because of anything that I have done. But, because of Jesus. His life, death and resurrection have assured me of my birthright... my inheritance to know God as my Abba.

It just hit me as I let the truth of what I BELIEVE hit my heart that I let the enemy accuse God to me all the time. It is not in the way that I say God is holding out on me - though, often when situations arise that are less than favorable, that thought always comes in. However, for me, that isn’t nearly as common as it is for me to have this thought that something I can do will make me have higher favor with God. Thus, the things I do can also cause me to have a lower approval rating. WHAT??? But, isn’t that something we all struggle with?

Jake and I just went to see Inception yesterday. It made me think. It still has me thinking.... It was interesting how one of the female characters thought of the dream world as her reality - and she was willing to die to stay in that reality forever. She built and built for years - homes and streets from memories. She invested so much time in the temporary - and all to make just a shadow of her real life, the real life that she was letting slip away by staying in the dream. It made me think about the fact that there is a world that is much deeper - much more real than this one that we inhabit. And, yet, we live as if this world is our permanent home. We are living in the dream, in the shadow - and we are often unwilling to wake up and realize that reality is really evading our grasp - because we are living for this temporary place and trying to make it home. But, it is only a shadow - we are only a shadow of the true life that awaits us. 1 Chronicles 29:15 says, “We are aliens and strangers in your sight, as were all our forefathers. Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope.” and Job 8: 8-10 says,"Ask the former generations and find out what their fathers learned, for we were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow.” and Psalm 102:11-12 says, “My days are like the evening shadow; I wither away like grass. But you, O LORD, sit enthroned forever; your renown endures through all generations.”

I did a quick reference for the word “shadow” on Biblegateway.com and I was amazed at the things that were referenced over and over. Sit and read a few of them with me.

Ecclesiastes 6:12 says this, “For who knows what is good for a man in life, during the few and meaningless days he passes through like a shadow? Who can tell him what will happen under the sun after he is gone?”

Colossions 2:16-17 “Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. 17 These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ.”

Hebrews 10:1 The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves. For this reason it can never, by the same sacrifices repeated endlessly year after year, make perfect those who draw near to worship.

Then, there were so many references to God’s shadow - where we can hide and take refuge. Sweet. That is my favorite shadow!

Psalm 17:8 “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.”

As I was reading these, many things were coming to mind. First of all - this life is a breath - a shadow. Quick. Coming to an end quickly. Hmmm... again I was hit with how permanent it all seems... How forever really just often describes our thoughts towards this earthly life. Then, the law being only a shadow... It is not the reality. THE REALITY IS FOUND IN CHRIST! Whew. Amen. Doesn’t this one statement shed truth on the “more favor with God” issue? And finally, the shadow that God offers us as a place of refuge. His shadow is eternal. We will be able to rest in Him forever... but His invitation starts NOW. Not in eternity. His invitation to rest in His shadow has already been extended - I have only to accept the invitation. Wow. I will be thinking on this a bit.

All of that said, please pray for my Candice. Pray fervently for her. She is losing grasp on reality - and very quickly. If God Himself doesn’t intervene quickly- she will be back in jail for the next 10 years of her life. No parol. No way out. It may be the best plan for her. This is where I rest in His Sovereignty - while at the same time begging for His mercy for her. She feels trapped. Much like me. She knows and believes there is a better way - a better life. But, she cannot accept that she is worthy of receiving it. Again, if I were to be fully honest, I would have no choice but to say the same thing...

Everything changes but God stays the same!

The last several days have been full of emotion for me. Our Birthmother, Candice, delivered a very healthy, very precious baby boy on February the 8th. Candice has drastically changed her lifestyle over the last 5 months and has made every decision in the last two months with regard to the precious little boy growing inside of her. She hasn't missed any doctor's appointments, or wic appointments, or probation appointments. Candice is a new lady. She has completely changed her thinking. She has been doing so well. On February 10th, just minutes before she was supposed to be discharged from the hospital, CPS told Candice that she couldn't take the baby home. They were even telling her that she might not get a chance to find a family for him to go with. That is when we called our adoption agency and Kim came to the rescue! She was literally driving right by the hospital when I called her and she was in the room in less than 2 minutes. Praise God for His timing and His plan. She came in and helped us work out a much better situation. Ken and I were allowed to take Christian home with us and we - because it is all through our adoption agency - are allowed to let Candice see him anytime we want. I just have to be there with them. This was a sweet gift from the Lord. But, I don't think I have to tell you how devastated Candice is. She was so prepared, so ready to begin being a mommy. She has been looking forward to the day she would get to take him home for so long. And, here again she sits with no baby in her arms. However, I am CONVINCED that she will get to raise this little boy. I believe with my whole heart that she is going to work out whatever plan they create for her and take him home and be his mommy. In the meantime, Ken and I have much praying to do. We have many things to consider, and we have a lot of other things on our plate as well. I know that none of this is a surprise to God. I know that He knows every day of Christian's life. I know that He knows exactly when Candice will get to really start being his mommy. In the meantime, I will be taking him to see her several times a week and begging the Lord for favor on her behalf with CPS. Please pray for us all. Please please pray that on Tuesday morning when we meet for them to set her plan, that they will shorten the time they have been saying. They are telling Candice that it could be a year before she could bring him home. That just breaks my heart. He needs her. She wants so badly to parent him. My heart is just aching for both of them. I am praying for a drastic change in their plan, and I am asking the Lord that he be able to go home with her by April 19th - her birthday. Please pray with us for victory in this. I believe it is a battle happening in the heavenlies. Either way, Candice has said that she will fight for him no matter how long it takes. 3 months, 6 months, a year... it doesn't matter. She is ready to be his momma whenever they will let her - no matter what they require of her. So, thank you for your prayers for her. Pray for us too. We need wisdom to know what it is exactly that the Lord desires from us. Pray we will hear Him so clearly. Pray that we will have the strength to do whatever He asks. Thank you for walking through this with us. What a blessing to have friends that will lift up our family and our precious Candice at this time.

December with Candice...

So the last week of my life has made me the most grateful lady in the world I think. It has been just unbelievable. So many people know how much my heart ached for a real relationship with our birthmom, Candice. She is so beautiful, and she needs to know how loved she is - from someone whose opinion is not gonna change based on what she can do for them. She is an amazing lady. The short and skinny of it is that she called me last week. She is ready to begin her new life - a life that is lead following the Lord and loving her babies enough to keep out of trouble. I have had the privilege of spending lots of good time with her this week. She has gotten to see Mia and hold her and love her... And we have gotten the opportunity to talk about so much! I couldn’t be more appreciative of our ABUNDANT God! I could never have even imagined the things that are happening in order to ask for them... Thus the verse, “abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine!” How true that is in my life!

There are many things that are precious to my heart about it all. She called me on Mia’s first birthday! What a beautiful day that was! Then, she came to Mia and Jude’s party on Saturday. She was there for Mia’s first birthday party!! Wow, God! Just - wow! We have gone and spent time getting her set up to be a responsible mommy! For those of you who don’t know, Candice is pregnant and due February 4^th, 2010. It has been my privilege to help her and to know her. We have laughed together. We have talked about everything you could imagine! We have spent time together with Mia, and time together without her. She has made me laugh so much!

When we started talking she told me such a funny story! She was talking with some of her friends and told them that I had come to see her. When she told them about me she said, “My baby momma came to see me today!” I love it! It is my favorite new title. The girls all laughed, but she said, “No, really, that is who she is. She is my baby’s momma.” Precious to my heart! I can’t tell you how many times she has handed Mia back to me and said, “She wants you, she wants her Momma.” It is just such a sweet, sweet place to be. I can’t express how much I love this girl! Please continue to pray for her. Life is not going to get easier from here. I know the enemy will want to kill, steal and destroy her. He can’t stand the freedom she is gaining. She is reading her Bible daily, she is praying for faith, and asking that all of my friends pray that she would have faith. She is really keeping a clear mind. Please pray that she will continue to have wisdom and strength to make the right decisions. Please pray that the enemy will not deceive her, but that she will continue to be protected and guided by our Merciful, Beautiful God! Wow! What a sweet, sweet Christmas gift for me. God is so good. He is so loving. He is so Sovereign. What a Loving Creator! Thanks for celebrating with me, and thank you for praying for her. She is just beautiful! If you want to know more of the details, you can send me an email, or call me for coffee. I love this story. This is Mia’s story. This is a precious time in our lives. And even if it all changes tomorrow... God has been so sweet to give us today, and yesterday, and the day before. Wow. I am just amazed at Him.

What a Journey!

Today was an incredible day. Again, a long time prayer was answered. A prayer that began before my daughter was even born. I prayed that our birthmother would be involved in her life. I prayed that we could have a relationship that was good - and that it wouldn’t just be one way communication. And today, I received a 9 page handwritten letter from Candice. I am still just in awe of the Lord. I do not know His ways, or His thoughts, but I am getting more and more familiar with His character. I am so glad that I have an eternity to press in and know Him more. He is so loving and merciful and beautiful. He is faithful and able to move mountains. He is Almighty, a Loving Creator and so Sovereign. I am beginning to see His heart towards me as I see His heart towards our birthmom. It is incredible really. What a privilege to be a part of her life. What a blessing to read these pages - each one affirming how the Lord is hearing me. Each one affirming how she is receiving the love that is in my heart towards her. What a gift. She drew Mia a picture for her birthday. It is beautiful. She is so talented. She is so child-like in so many ways... Good ways. And she has a story that will move the hearts of many one day. I believe Jesus will use her testimony to draw thousands to Himself. He is so amazing. Every word, every thought she expressed was so sweet to my heart. She quoted scripture. She talked about reading her Bible and crying each time she received one of my letters. She said I always make her cry. Isn’t that the way God is though? When He speaks truth to us that the devil has long fought to keep from us, don’t we cry as we hear it? Don’t we yearn to hear how He loves us and will NEVER leave us? I do. I need to know that there is nothing that I can do to keep Him from loving me. Nothing. It was precious to me that this morning I was reminded in Galatians about how we can’t live under the law - the law is death and by trying to please God with my behavior, I am costing myself Life. Galatians 2:19 says, “For when I tried to keep the law, it condemned me. So, I died to the law- I stopped trying to meet all its requirements - so that I might live for God.” I died to the law so that I might live for God. How I love that! What bondage we stay in because we forget that we have to die to the law in order to really live for God. Whew. Still processing that, but it is Truth and it is just so sweet to my heart. I am about to write her again and I will be praising the Lord with every word I type. She has a good future... A hope and a future. Of this, I am sure. Please continue to pray for her. She asked me to tell all my friends to pray. Wow. Precious. So, please pray for her to continue to have faith. Pray that she will be able to achieve the things that she longs for. She wants a family. She wants a real life. She is human. She longs to be loved, and married, and have children that she can raise on her own. Pray that the enemy will no longer have a hold in her life. Pray that she will break free of his lies and his bondage, and that she will receive the life that is hers in Christ. What a journey this life is. What a beautiful, hard, devastating, wonderful journey.

Aching...

My heart is just grieving right now. I know that I have said that we have no idea what kind of life our sweet birthmother lived to bring her to this place of placing Mia in our hands. But, God in His sweet faithfulness has given me a closer look at what this precious girl has been through. It has been such a privilege to know Blair. She has given me much more insight than I thought I would ever have. But, with that, is an ache that I cannot describe in words. Our birthmother has lived through things that you and I have not even read about in books. There was no one to turn to for her. She withstood many things that would have caused me to crumble, and all when she was still just a little fragile girl. God has a plan for her life. God loves her more than I do. But, please, if you read this, stop right now and pray for her. Pray that she would come to know God as the Healer of her heart. Pray that she would know His love and His character in ways that He will have to reveal to her in supernatural ways. And be thankful for your life. Please be thankful for the life you have lived.

Finding Comfort...

How do you find comfort if you don't know the Comforter? The Lord is an amazing God... a BIG God. He is the only God. He is completely Sovereign and altogether Good. His plan is love, and His plan never fails. His ways are higher than my ways, and so also His thoughts. He holds in His hands all of the world, and nothing is too little for Him to notice, or too big for Him to take care of. Isn't that comforting? But imagine if all of that just sounded a little too good to be true. What if that just seemed like something nice to tell yourself so that you could sleep at night. But, what if you didn't really believe it? Then what?
God has been reminding me lately in scripture that there are things that have happened throughout history that have risen to Him as a fragrant offering. It wasn't the grandest, most amazing things... it was in the daily things.. and it rose all the way to the Heavens! I was just reading this morning about Cornelius in Acts chapter 10. His deeds came before the Lord as a memorial offering.
I want every detail of this adoption to come before Him as an offering of some kind. I want the fragrance to be sweet to the Lord. I am all but begging those of you who love us to pray with urgency for Candice. There is a battle over her soul. I know that He hears our prayers, and He will respond. I believe He will draw her near to Himself. I would love for you to pray for her protection over this weekend. She has a hard life. She needs the Comforter to visit her in a very real way. I believe that the papers aren't signed because He will get more glory in the wait. Psalm 111 tells us that EVERYTHING He does reveals His glory. He is powerful! There is no heart so hard that the double-edged sword cannot pierce it. There is no one who can hide from the Creator of the Universe. Even darkness is as light to Him. He is inviting us to pray - to take part in causing His will to be done in the life of Candice, her mother, and so many others. It is an opportunity to pray His Kingdom come to a whole community of folks that need Him. If you are praying that she will sign the papers, I will not ask you to stop... but I am begging that the focus of your prayers would be her soul. I am asking that you pray for her peace and her to find Truth - in His good time she will sign the papers. I believe that with all of my heart. But, in the meantime the enemy is robbing her of peace, and life... and he is trying to destroy her.
We sit, having a comfy-cozy life. I am snuggled up right now with a precious, tiny, pink, peaceful little girl asleep on my chest. Candice sits, hurting and aching... not knowing that there really is a God who sees her. I know that the Lord has a plan for her life. He has a great plan. Her life will not be easy, but it can be full of peace and joy and love. Please pray for her. I don't know how else to say it... she needs us to fight for her in prayer. Do not be discouraged, and do not be afraid. God's timing will be amazing.. and I am asking that we will all stand in awe of Him. Then we will sing together Psalm 9... "I will praise you Oh Lord, with all of my heart. I will tell of the marvelous things you have done. I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name!" Please take a minute, even now and pray. Praise Him for the things He has done, and the things He will do. He is worthy of all of our adoration and praise!

Praise God for His Goodness!!!

Would you just look at her? She is a tiny miracle. Well, she is a HUGE miracle in a tiny package. I promised more, and it has been a while. There have been many things taking place in our household. Beautiful things that the Lord is doing in and around this sweet baby girl's life. I cannot express with words what it is like to have her. There are times that I look at her and I forget that she didn't come from me. She is just so perfectly made for our family. I am in awe of the Lord and how He has done that. I thought it would be so different. I thought it would always be in the back of my mind that she was adopted, but really I have to force that to the front in order to pray for our birthmom with fervor. She is SOOO sweet. She hardly ever cries, and she is so peaceful. I can't really tell you - you would have to see her yourself. But anyone who has held her will testify to her sweet peacefulness. What a gift!

Please continue to pray for our birth-mom, Candice. I cannot imagine the things she has been through in life. I cannot even begin to tell you how difficult life has been for her. Please pray for her to know the Truth. Please pray for her to come to know our Savior. Please. If you rejoice with us, pray with us for her salvation, and for her to know the truth and be set free from the bondage of the enemy. There is much to be thankful for at this time, but there is much to continue to pray over. Think of how her arms must ache - with a body that reminds her daily that she gave birth- to the emptiness she feels in her arms... can we really even begin to imagine what that would be like? I can't. I know I can't. Her heart is breaking and she doesn't know the Comforter. Please. pray with us for her...
Love to all of you, and I will update again sooner next time... maybe :)