Forgiveness

A while ago in church we had a message on forgiveness.  I am a believer in forgiveness because I know how VERY much I have been forgiven.

While I was listening (I really was), the Lord impressed these three things on my heart.

1. Unforgiveness steals your time.
2. Unforgiveness steals your peace.
3. Unforgiveness steals your freedom.

I look at my kids and I realize how quick they were to forgive when they were little (like my Cynthia).  It seems as though time and life teach a different message.  A message that if you forgive, you are just asking to be hurt more.  And, in reality, there is a bit of truth in that.  It blessed my heart to hear pastor teach that forgiveness and trust and reconciliation are all VERY different things.

I chose quite a while ago to be a person who forgives. Every painful situation gives you the opportunity to be bitter or better. I have seen bitter and it ain't pretty. So, I want desperately to choose better.  I have had my share of hurts.  And I still have my fair share of people that I do not TRUST under any circumstance, but that I have forgiven.

I have those that I am still choosing daily to forgive.

It is a choice when that feeling comes up - you know the one... the one where you see them when you weren't expecting it, and not very nice thoughts come into your mind.  Or, you are thinking about a situation from the past - and all the anger and resentment start to build back up... yep, those are God's little flags to tell you, you are still in process and need to continue to choose to forgive.

Lately I have been struggling with this more than normal. I don't know if it is because in general, I am just busier than I should be. I am not taking the moments to write, to read and to sit still and just BE. All of those things can make for a crowded mind. But, I am certain God is wanting to set me free from some heavy weights that He didn't put on me. He desires that I walk in peace and freedom of heart and mind. I don't even know what it looks like, but I am certain that forgiveness is included in the package I will be giving away. Hopefully I can get every bitter root pulled and replaced with gratitude - that would be a great victory! It seems a daunting task - and yet, I know that any time I enter into a "yes, God" moment I am entering something sweet (and often hard) and so so good.

I have many more thoughts, but am running out of time to put them on paper. I will revisit this topic. But, I want to leave you with this.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you don't set boundaries.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you allow abuse.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you trust that person again.
Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean reconciliation of the relationship.

Forgiveness does bring peace to your heart.
Forgiveness gives you back time that you used to spend building anger and resentments. 
Forgiveness gives you freedom to walk unburdened of added pain.
Forgiveness sets your mind and heart free from unnecessary anxiety.

If choosing to forgive something/someone feels too hard, start small. Tell God you want to choose to forgive. Ask Him for grace upon grace to keep asking for a forgiving heart. Ask God to help you pray for your enemy (whoever wronged you). Ask God to help release you from the enemy who (through unforgiveness) is trying to steal your peace.

At the end of the day, forgiveness has precious little to do with the person that wronged you and much to do with your own soundness of mind and peace in your heart. Pull out the bitterness, and replace the empty spot with gratitude for what God is doing and will continue to do as you grow in forgiveness. Only God can heal the wounds that are deep within. But, I promise He is able.

Peace and rest to you friends, thanks for stopping by.
~ Christy

Unexpected times of rest...

Today, I feel like poop.  I have the flu.  Stupid flu.

Seriously, I am such a baby when I don’t feel good.  I really just want my mommy, if I am honest. 

But, it affords me the opportunity to sit - snuggled in my very soft blankie with a fire in the fireplace and read and write.  So, in that - there is beauty.  Great beauty, actually.  This is one of my favorite things to do... and the weather is perfect for it!  Again I am so thankful for my job - and the grace I am given to be able to be home when I need rest.

I am struck today by the vastness of God’s understanding.  His ways are so far beyond my own.  I believe that He crafted each on of us - and therefore He knows us full well.  He sees every good thought - and every wicked one.  He sees every act of kindness, and every selfish one.  Nothing in all of creation is hidden from His sight.  That stirs in me two different emotions.  Fear - because I don’t even know my own heart half the time, and peace, because He saw me just as I am - and He chose me anyway. 

Misty Edwards sings it in a song like this, as if God were singing over you: “I knew what I was getting into when I chose you.  I knew what I was getting into when I said your name, and I said it just the same... I knew what I was getting into when I chose you - and I am not shocked by your weakness, I am not shocked even by your sin...  I am not shocked by your brokenness...” 

I love the truth of those words.  Nothing I do or say or think catches Him off guard.  Nothing is beyond His ability to heal and redeem.  Nothing is out of His capable hands.  Nothing.  It is staggering for me to think that He is not limited  - because I have so many limitations.  I recognize now, more than ever the weakness of my flesh.  I see the pull constantly to take my life in my own hands.  I am just thankful that - He - even though He sees it too, still calls me His beloved.  His beauty, His delight. 

Truly, He fulfills the deepest longings in my heart.  He wants to fill your heart too.  He wants to prove Himself to you.  He is fully capable.  I think of that every day as I look at some things going on in my life.  He is absolutely able - and limited by nothing.  He created me with passion and dreams and He didn’t do that to torture me.  He did that because He wants to watch me unwrap them in His timing.  It is the same for you.  Geez, His timing is strange to me.  But, He knows everything.  He knows how one thing will affect another all the way down through time.  He sees it all - and He knows if what you are asking is good for you or not.  He knows if your heart is ready for the responsibility of that thing you desire.  Psalm 84:11 says this, “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

He is not holding out on you as you think He is.  That is a lie from the very pit of Hell.  He just fully knows what is good - and what is not.  I have found myself asking Him for a lot of things lately.  But, quickly following it up with - “Lord help me to want what is best - not only what I think is best.”  I trust Him.  More now than at any other time in my life.  I have no concern that He will turn His back on me - even in the most desperate of times.  He is trustworthy and true. 

I look at the suffering in the world - and though I am not surprised - He told us of the days that are coming... I am saddened at how far His church is from being the instrument of healing He intended it to be.  He says the world should know us by our love one for another, and yet, I think if we are honest, we could say that the world knows us by our judgments and our pitiful display of self righteousness.  He says that the outside of the cup looks great - but the inside, well, it is another story entirely.  It is filthy.  We constantly stand with the accuser and we condemn those who already know they should be condemned and we wound those that have the deepest wounds already.  Why is it so hard to love?  Why is it so difficult to remember what Jesus came to do?  He came to set the captives free.  To bind up our broken hearts.  He came to bring abundant life.  We have settled for so much less than this - and even in the name of righteousness.  When did I become such a Pharisee?  When did I forget that it isn’t about the law - but about the blood of Christ which brings freedom?  I am asking the Lord to give me words of healing and life.  I am asking God to move His Spirit within me in ways that I can’t explain apart from Him.  I am asking Him to renew with passion the love I have for Him as the keeper of my heart.  I want to laugh more, and love better.  I want to become all that He ever intended.  I want that for you too.  I want you to embrace whatever it is that He has called you to - and I want you to run forward as if He is the only thing you have.  When it all unravels, He stands firmly in place to be all that you need for this hour, and for each one to come. 

Grace and Peace to you this blustery winter day.   

Trusting in the God who is Trustworthy!

God has never let us down. Never. Surely He has done things we didn't understand. Surely He has done things that we would have NEVER done without Him. After all, Isaiah makes it clear that His ways and thoughts are not at all like ours! I am so thankful for that. Here are the things I KNOW about my God:

He is Faithful - even when I am not. (2 Timothy 2:13)

He is Merciful - and He wants us to understand what mercy really is. (Matt. 9:13)

He is Sovereign over all things! (Isaiah 40:28-29)

He is so Good. (Psalm 34:8, Matt. 19:17)

So, with eyes that long to see that - REALLY grasp that - I tell you the rest. Trusting that you will agree to trust the Lord with me as we travel through a season of change.

11 years ago God gave us a gift. We, who were uneducated, and completely destitute "bought" a daycare that was really just sent to us with a bow all wrapped up - just waiting for us to tear into the paper and see what good things He had planned inside. 8 years ago, God gave us a second daycare. Another chance to become financially independent - and to recognize His goodness to us. It is so sweet to remember all that He did. It is sweet to remember a church family that gathered around us as we headed into scary, but beautiful water with our God going before us - and coming right behind us.

This season is very different. It seems that it is entirely possible that He is asking us to let go of that gift. To exchange it for another gift (that we have yet to hold in our hands - or see with our eyes). We don't know what He will give us as we let go of this gift. We don't know where He will lead us, or what it looks like. In my humanness, that is terrifying. But, with one glimpse at scripture, with one taste of His Word, I am peaceful in my heart that whatever lies ahead will be even better than that which we had before. I am certain of it.

So for now, we search for a new house to make our home and we trust that God will provide renters for the home we have had for 8 years. We search to simplify the things that have become complicated. We search to find the perfect middle of the line between trusting and resting in our God and moving our hands and feet to the rhythm He is playing for us. It is hard not to just start applying for jobs, or looking for endless possibilities for our "business minds". It is also difficult to trust that we will hear exactly what we need to hear. It made me sad to see the places where I was striving (in my mind) to "control" the situation. To hang on to what we have, or go full force forward with something else... But, I sense that God will tell us when we need to move forward. I trust that my trust doesn't have to be in what Ken or I can do to help pay the bills, or keep everything going. My confidence and my trust must be in the One who is worthy of it. After all, if Christ trusted Him to the death, can't I at least give Him my whole life? That is what He is asking. We will likely have a different home, a different "job", a different way of life... but we have the SAME God - and in this we can rest.

Candice is doing so well. It is beautiful how the Lord has placed me beside her. What a privilege to walk beside her right now. I love her so deeply, and she is choosing life - every day. She is choosing to trust in God for her right now, and for her future. She is studying His Word. She is doing a daily devotional... and she is overcoming the strongholds that have held her back for so long. I dare you to tell me that I don't serve a God who is ABLE! He is so very able to do more than we can ask or imagine. So, if you agree with me, please say a prayer right now that we will trust Him, hear Him, and follow Him - no matter how stormy the waters seem... no matter how dark and scary. He is the same God who parted the Red Sea and provided a ram. He is the same God that shook the entire Earth. He is the same God that brought a dead man back to life. He is the Alpha, the Omega... the beginning and the end. And He has my heart.