Christian...

So, here is a picture of this precious baby that is shaking things up around here! What a cutie pie!

Whew!

Things have been moving at the speed of light around here! I feel like there is too much to tell... God is so good. That is a good place to begin. We have a house being built (just across the road) and a house for the interim (Praise the Lord for His provision - always!) We have great renters for our home of 8 years. We will officially (we think) make the move to the interim house in about 2 weeks and move to our new house in the middle of June! So, if you call and I don’t call back, or if you email and it takes a while to respond, know that it is not that I have forgotten you... I just am having a hard time staying connected to the people I live with, much less the people in “cyberspace”.

I am back at work full time. My heart aches and rejoices at the same time to say that. I have needed to step back in for a short time to prepare to sell the business. God did amazing things for us by giving us the business, and we feel like we should leave it in as good of condition as we found it. So, I rejoice to be obedient. But, I must be honest, my heart aches missing my babies each day. I cried when I thought they had come to visit me at the center and then realized it was another car that just looked like the car they would be in. Then I cried fifteen minutes later when they did pull up! They are so much of my heart. I know they are in wonderful hands. Our Miss Cole has been a breath of fresh air. It has changed the dynamic of our household tremendously to have her here - in a great way! I finally (almost) have enough hands to get everything done that needs to be done. I feel like the Lord’s timing was nothing short of a miracle for me. But, my heart - though desperate to be constantly filled with joy - has found this act of obedience to be one of the hardest ones ever. I see what it does to my boy to not have me around all day. I see what it does to my girl to only see her a few hours a day and it is almost more than my heart can take. And Christian, that is an entirely different story. I was barely getting to know him when I had to be pulled away from him for many hours each day. He needs to see me and know me as mom until Candice can be that for him. That is hard to do when I have such a small amount of time to divide between my husband and all 6 children. I am more tired than I have ever been in my life.

But, through all of these things... I can clearly see God’s hand. I see how He heard me when I asked Him - a little sad - on the way to work to find us a place to live because I didn’t have time. Twenty minutes later He had the whole thing worked out. I see how He heard me when I asked for help at the daycare to get things back in order - right under my nose were the answers I was waiting for. I see how He hears me when I ask Him to help my kiddos hang in there until I am able to “just” be mommy again.

My friends have experienced great losses recently. A dear friend of mine lost her brother. He was a daddy, an uncle, a brother, a son, a husband, and so much more... How do you hear of that and not long for eternity to come? I want to be desperate to help my friends see what they are missing if they are missing Jesus - and yet, the dailies get me every time. I get focused more on what has to be done today than I do focus on what things I do today that will make a mark for eternity. I saw a girls shirt that had a small girl with hands folded and it simply said, “Jesus, please come back.” I wanted to cry right then. Yes and Amen. Jesus - how we need you. How our friends and family need you. Reveal yourself Jesus. Reveal the way that you love us - give us eyes to see how you want abundance for us. I am saddened by the ways that we exchange the abundance Christ offers for the extremely temporary pleasures of today. Why would we exchange gold for dung? Would we really do that? Would we really take the beautiful, precious things that God has given to us and trade them for the foul smelling, rotting things that the world has to offer? The answer is that I do it every day, and I watch my friends do it without being able to find the words to convince them not to. Oh Jesus we need you to step in and help us. Spirit come move in our hearts to help us move toward the things that you desire and away from the things that will lead us to a temporary pleasure and an eternal regret.

Above all things I can tell you that God is faithful. His love never fails. His Word is Truth. His plan for me (and my family) is good. His Sovereignty doesn’t end. He is not caught off guard. He has asked me to work in everything as if I am working for Him. That is my desire. I want the Joy of the Lord to be my strength. I sure need His strength. Mine isn’t holding out. He has provided so well. He has heard me. How satisfying to walk in the place that He has marked out for me. Now to just give up the things that pull my heart away from the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. God help me to prioritize. Help me to rest in You. Help me to know you are hearing me and always acting in my best interest. Thank you for adopting me. Thank you for choosing me. That is a staggering thought, knowing that you KNEW me. You made me, and you chose me anyway. What kind of love is this?

The changing of seasons...

I always think it is beautiful how Winter melts into Spring. This year we are getting to see it, even in Texas! Ha, that is if it will ever really melt away. I love it. I love Spring. I love it when the bright green blades of grass dare to poke through the hardened dried up dead grass. I love it when the sun comes out and peeks through on a cool day, and reminds me that no matter how cloudy a day is, if the Lord tells the sun to break through, it will.

We have found some amazing people to rent our house. The Lord is so good. I fell in love with them as they walked with me through the house. It was my delight that they fell in love with our house too. It is a great house! The season is changing alright.

I am meeting with a few different people about the business this week. Wow. What a crazy month. Tomorrow, Christian will be 3 weeks old. We have really had some interesting things happen this month. I realized as I was listening to a sermon about Believing God (I can't remember the man's name that was teaching, but he was broadcasting from India), I realized that we were in a bit of a situation like Abram. God told him to go. He told him to go to a place He would tell him about. That is us. We felt certain that we were to put the house on the market. We have renters. We now are headed to a place that we are waiting to see exactly where it is. He told us to sell the business. We are meeting with people to sell the business to, but we don't know who they are (yet), and we don't know what we will do afterwards. He is simply telling us to move on. He is reminding us that He is the God who is in control - with a captial "C". He made all of creation. He knows what is best, and He wants what is good for us. That is the part I find that the enemy wants to steal away. He doesn't want us to remember that God has good intentions towards us. But, Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that He knows the plans He has for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future. That is the God I serve. He has good plans for us. Prosper may not mean financially - but it is so clear that it means better... in His way, whatever that looks like, it is better. He wants to give us hope. I haven't dared let my heart hope for some things in a very long time. I had forgotten how to believe for something I didn't yet have - or something that my circumstances weren't directly pointing to. Bummer. I thought for a while I believed God, really believed Him for things. I did believe Him for Mia. No doubt. I knew that He had the situation entirely taken care of. But, for all of these other things... my hope was not in a person (Jesus), it was in the thing.... the thing that I hoped about. I have a hope. My hope is in Christ. It is one thing to say it, and another entirely to mean it. My hope is not in what Christ has yet for me, it is in what Christ has already given me. My eternity is sealed - forever - and cannot be taken from me. My hope is that I will dwell in the presence of God for all of eternity. And this hope cannot be shaken. This truth cannot be taken from me. Wow.

I believe that He has a promised land for me here on this earth. I believe that if I will believe Him, I could learn a lesson from those who have gone before and enter that land - here on earth. Only by His grace will I have belief like that. Only by His mercy could that not be taken from me. I am asking Him that I would truly love Him wholeheartedly. I am asking Him that I would truly hope in just one thing... in one amazing man, Jesus Christ. He is my hope of glory. He is my righteousness.

Anyway, the seasons are changing for the Simmons'. I feel a fresh wind blowing in, much like that in Mary Poppins, only, this wind is ushering in the very things of God. The God who is at work all around us. We are getting to watch His hands move all around us. That is a season worth celebrating. The uncertainties are really few... though they seem like many, simply because He is never uncertain. He is always doing the right thing, and He is the One who has begun a work. Bring it to completion, Lord. Finish the work you have begun in us. Let us believe you, let us trust you and let us bring you much glory!

Everything changes but God stays the same!

The last several days have been full of emotion for me. Our Birthmother, Candice, delivered a very healthy, very precious baby boy on February the 8th. Candice has drastically changed her lifestyle over the last 5 months and has made every decision in the last two months with regard to the precious little boy growing inside of her. She hasn't missed any doctor's appointments, or wic appointments, or probation appointments. Candice is a new lady. She has completely changed her thinking. She has been doing so well. On February 10th, just minutes before she was supposed to be discharged from the hospital, CPS told Candice that she couldn't take the baby home. They were even telling her that she might not get a chance to find a family for him to go with. That is when we called our adoption agency and Kim came to the rescue! She was literally driving right by the hospital when I called her and she was in the room in less than 2 minutes. Praise God for His timing and His plan. She came in and helped us work out a much better situation. Ken and I were allowed to take Christian home with us and we - because it is all through our adoption agency - are allowed to let Candice see him anytime we want. I just have to be there with them. This was a sweet gift from the Lord. But, I don't think I have to tell you how devastated Candice is. She was so prepared, so ready to begin being a mommy. She has been looking forward to the day she would get to take him home for so long. And, here again she sits with no baby in her arms. However, I am CONVINCED that she will get to raise this little boy. I believe with my whole heart that she is going to work out whatever plan they create for her and take him home and be his mommy. In the meantime, Ken and I have much praying to do. We have many things to consider, and we have a lot of other things on our plate as well. I know that none of this is a surprise to God. I know that He knows every day of Christian's life. I know that He knows exactly when Candice will get to really start being his mommy. In the meantime, I will be taking him to see her several times a week and begging the Lord for favor on her behalf with CPS. Please pray for us all. Please please pray that on Tuesday morning when we meet for them to set her plan, that they will shorten the time they have been saying. They are telling Candice that it could be a year before she could bring him home. That just breaks my heart. He needs her. She wants so badly to parent him. My heart is just aching for both of them. I am praying for a drastic change in their plan, and I am asking the Lord that he be able to go home with her by April 19th - her birthday. Please pray with us for victory in this. I believe it is a battle happening in the heavenlies. Either way, Candice has said that she will fight for him no matter how long it takes. 3 months, 6 months, a year... it doesn't matter. She is ready to be his momma whenever they will let her - no matter what they require of her. So, thank you for your prayers for her. Pray for us too. We need wisdom to know what it is exactly that the Lord desires from us. Pray we will hear Him so clearly. Pray that we will have the strength to do whatever He asks. Thank you for walking through this with us. What a blessing to have friends that will lift up our family and our precious Candice at this time.

Trusting in the God who is Trustworthy!

God has never let us down. Never. Surely He has done things we didn't understand. Surely He has done things that we would have NEVER done without Him. After all, Isaiah makes it clear that His ways and thoughts are not at all like ours! I am so thankful for that. Here are the things I KNOW about my God:

He is Faithful - even when I am not. (2 Timothy 2:13)

He is Merciful - and He wants us to understand what mercy really is. (Matt. 9:13)

He is Sovereign over all things! (Isaiah 40:28-29)

He is so Good. (Psalm 34:8, Matt. 19:17)

So, with eyes that long to see that - REALLY grasp that - I tell you the rest. Trusting that you will agree to trust the Lord with me as we travel through a season of change.

11 years ago God gave us a gift. We, who were uneducated, and completely destitute "bought" a daycare that was really just sent to us with a bow all wrapped up - just waiting for us to tear into the paper and see what good things He had planned inside. 8 years ago, God gave us a second daycare. Another chance to become financially independent - and to recognize His goodness to us. It is so sweet to remember all that He did. It is sweet to remember a church family that gathered around us as we headed into scary, but beautiful water with our God going before us - and coming right behind us.

This season is very different. It seems that it is entirely possible that He is asking us to let go of that gift. To exchange it for another gift (that we have yet to hold in our hands - or see with our eyes). We don't know what He will give us as we let go of this gift. We don't know where He will lead us, or what it looks like. In my humanness, that is terrifying. But, with one glimpse at scripture, with one taste of His Word, I am peaceful in my heart that whatever lies ahead will be even better than that which we had before. I am certain of it.

So for now, we search for a new house to make our home and we trust that God will provide renters for the home we have had for 8 years. We search to simplify the things that have become complicated. We search to find the perfect middle of the line between trusting and resting in our God and moving our hands and feet to the rhythm He is playing for us. It is hard not to just start applying for jobs, or looking for endless possibilities for our "business minds". It is also difficult to trust that we will hear exactly what we need to hear. It made me sad to see the places where I was striving (in my mind) to "control" the situation. To hang on to what we have, or go full force forward with something else... But, I sense that God will tell us when we need to move forward. I trust that my trust doesn't have to be in what Ken or I can do to help pay the bills, or keep everything going. My confidence and my trust must be in the One who is worthy of it. After all, if Christ trusted Him to the death, can't I at least give Him my whole life? That is what He is asking. We will likely have a different home, a different "job", a different way of life... but we have the SAME God - and in this we can rest.

Candice is doing so well. It is beautiful how the Lord has placed me beside her. What a privilege to walk beside her right now. I love her so deeply, and she is choosing life - every day. She is choosing to trust in God for her right now, and for her future. She is studying His Word. She is doing a daily devotional... and she is overcoming the strongholds that have held her back for so long. I dare you to tell me that I don't serve a God who is ABLE! He is so very able to do more than we can ask or imagine. So, if you agree with me, please say a prayer right now that we will trust Him, hear Him, and follow Him - no matter how stormy the waters seem... no matter how dark and scary. He is the same God who parted the Red Sea and provided a ram. He is the same God that shook the entire Earth. He is the same God that brought a dead man back to life. He is the Alpha, the Omega... the beginning and the end. And He has my heart.

December with Candice...

So the last week of my life has made me the most grateful lady in the world I think. It has been just unbelievable. So many people know how much my heart ached for a real relationship with our birthmom, Candice. She is so beautiful, and she needs to know how loved she is - from someone whose opinion is not gonna change based on what she can do for them. She is an amazing lady. The short and skinny of it is that she called me last week. She is ready to begin her new life - a life that is lead following the Lord and loving her babies enough to keep out of trouble. I have had the privilege of spending lots of good time with her this week. She has gotten to see Mia and hold her and love her... And we have gotten the opportunity to talk about so much! I couldn’t be more appreciative of our ABUNDANT God! I could never have even imagined the things that are happening in order to ask for them... Thus the verse, “abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine!” How true that is in my life!

There are many things that are precious to my heart about it all. She called me on Mia’s first birthday! What a beautiful day that was! Then, she came to Mia and Jude’s party on Saturday. She was there for Mia’s first birthday party!! Wow, God! Just - wow! We have gone and spent time getting her set up to be a responsible mommy! For those of you who don’t know, Candice is pregnant and due February 4^th, 2010. It has been my privilege to help her and to know her. We have laughed together. We have talked about everything you could imagine! We have spent time together with Mia, and time together without her. She has made me laugh so much!

When we started talking she told me such a funny story! She was talking with some of her friends and told them that I had come to see her. When she told them about me she said, “My baby momma came to see me today!” I love it! It is my favorite new title. The girls all laughed, but she said, “No, really, that is who she is. She is my baby’s momma.” Precious to my heart! I can’t tell you how many times she has handed Mia back to me and said, “She wants you, she wants her Momma.” It is just such a sweet, sweet place to be. I can’t express how much I love this girl! Please continue to pray for her. Life is not going to get easier from here. I know the enemy will want to kill, steal and destroy her. He can’t stand the freedom she is gaining. She is reading her Bible daily, she is praying for faith, and asking that all of my friends pray that she would have faith. She is really keeping a clear mind. Please pray that she will continue to have wisdom and strength to make the right decisions. Please pray that the enemy will not deceive her, but that she will continue to be protected and guided by our Merciful, Beautiful God! Wow! What a sweet, sweet Christmas gift for me. God is so good. He is so loving. He is so Sovereign. What a Loving Creator! Thanks for celebrating with me, and thank you for praying for her. She is just beautiful! If you want to know more of the details, you can send me an email, or call me for coffee. I love this story. This is Mia’s story. This is a precious time in our lives. And even if it all changes tomorrow... God has been so sweet to give us today, and yesterday, and the day before. Wow. I am just amazed at Him.

What a Journey!

Today was an incredible day. Again, a long time prayer was answered. A prayer that began before my daughter was even born. I prayed that our birthmother would be involved in her life. I prayed that we could have a relationship that was good - and that it wouldn’t just be one way communication. And today, I received a 9 page handwritten letter from Candice. I am still just in awe of the Lord. I do not know His ways, or His thoughts, but I am getting more and more familiar with His character. I am so glad that I have an eternity to press in and know Him more. He is so loving and merciful and beautiful. He is faithful and able to move mountains. He is Almighty, a Loving Creator and so Sovereign. I am beginning to see His heart towards me as I see His heart towards our birthmom. It is incredible really. What a privilege to be a part of her life. What a blessing to read these pages - each one affirming how the Lord is hearing me. Each one affirming how she is receiving the love that is in my heart towards her. What a gift. She drew Mia a picture for her birthday. It is beautiful. She is so talented. She is so child-like in so many ways... Good ways. And she has a story that will move the hearts of many one day. I believe Jesus will use her testimony to draw thousands to Himself. He is so amazing. Every word, every thought she expressed was so sweet to my heart. She quoted scripture. She talked about reading her Bible and crying each time she received one of my letters. She said I always make her cry. Isn’t that the way God is though? When He speaks truth to us that the devil has long fought to keep from us, don’t we cry as we hear it? Don’t we yearn to hear how He loves us and will NEVER leave us? I do. I need to know that there is nothing that I can do to keep Him from loving me. Nothing. It was precious to me that this morning I was reminded in Galatians about how we can’t live under the law - the law is death and by trying to please God with my behavior, I am costing myself Life. Galatians 2:19 says, “For when I tried to keep the law, it condemned me. So, I died to the law- I stopped trying to meet all its requirements - so that I might live for God.” I died to the law so that I might live for God. How I love that! What bondage we stay in because we forget that we have to die to the law in order to really live for God. Whew. Still processing that, but it is Truth and it is just so sweet to my heart. I am about to write her again and I will be praising the Lord with every word I type. She has a good future... A hope and a future. Of this, I am sure. Please continue to pray for her. She asked me to tell all my friends to pray. Wow. Precious. So, please pray for her to continue to have faith. Pray that she will be able to achieve the things that she longs for. She wants a family. She wants a real life. She is human. She longs to be loved, and married, and have children that she can raise on her own. Pray that the enemy will no longer have a hold in her life. Pray that she will break free of his lies and his bondage, and that she will receive the life that is hers in Christ. What a journey this life is. What a beautiful, hard, devastating, wonderful journey.