It goes without saying that I am not Jesus, or God. (okay, okay, you can stop laughing now...)
It goes without saying that you aren't either.
Funny how this can be so complicated to remember sometimes.
It struck me (again) today that we humans have a tendency to find what works for us - what the Spirit is leading us individually to do, and put that off on other people. Somehow, those who are not called to the same type things are just viewed as morbidly stuck without hope for abundance. But, that really is not true.
Let me explain what I am talking about. I will hit on two or three very common lines of thinking. Beginning with the newest - and most widely spreading form of "better than". Now, don't get me wrong. I do not feel like any of these things I am going to address are wrong or right in and of themselves. And, I am hoping not to even let on to what I personally do in any of these situations. I want to be as unbiased as possible. However, in all of this there is a danger. A very wise woman said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." I just absolutely believe that is true. You can not and will not be a better someone else than they are. You are meant to be YOU. God made you the way He made you and He made you (wonderful) for a purpose. YOUR purpose. Not your friend's purpose, or the people you spend the most time with. You specifically are to be You. That is what He has called you to be. And that, when lived to the fullest is BEAUTIFUL! No matter what it looks like.
People who are likeminded usually end up conforming to be almost an exact replica of someone they esteem - which then becomes... (deep breath) idolatry. Before you want to hang me, please read on because I believe there is freedom here that is being stolen from so many of us! There is nothing wrong with surrounding yourself with people who are like you. It is a beautiful thing to realize that although you are uniquely you - you are not terribly unlike many other people. So, it is
natural and good to join with those who think the same way as you for support and to encourage each other towards godliness. However, when you decided that you are going to let that
person be your Holy Spirit, you are losing something very precious. You are losing the ability to hear the Lord for yourself, and live your life unto its fullest purpose.
Three distinct topics of discussion that consistently present themselves to me:
1. Kids and church: to attend "big church" with them or send them to sunday school (or children's worship)
2. Homeschooling vs. Christian schools vs. public schools
3. Breastfeeding vs. the bottle
Whew - that is certainly a list isn't it? I can almost feel the glares as I tread these waters.... hang in there. You can let me know what you think when it is all said and done. (This is the beauty of a blog) I get to speak my mind first, and then you can respond once I've already said (almost) all that I have to say about it. :)
Church: The two "sides":
1. Why doesn't everyone just take their children to church with them? Parenting in the pew builds character and they need the message too. I am a better parent if I take them with me instead of pushing them off on someone else to watch them. I feel sad for the parents who won't embrace this part of their calling. Just because we are at church, I don't stop being their main teacher of the Truths in Scripture. This is my primary calling - to be the best wife and mother to my husband and children.
2. Why would I EVER take my kids with me to church? I finally get a "break". Am I a selfish failure if I like the idea of Sunday school for my kids? I can't hear the message that I desperately need if I am constantly correcting them and having to parent when there is a perfectly wonderful (and age appropriate) message meant just for them. When I take them, I can't learn from the Lord what I need to do. It is such a hinderance. It makes me a worse parent, not a better parent to have them with me.
You want to know what I think? There are two very important things to get to before I can tell you.
1. What does
God prompt you to do?
Are you doing one thing or another because you feel guilty and selfish for doing it one way or the other? Are you being convicted about it, and just being resistant because you just don't like the idea of it? The ONLY thing that matters is
what is God saying to you? What does your husband feel about this area? Follow his leading. God made him the head of your household for a reason. Even if you completely disagree with him, your job is to follow him and trust that the Lord has bigger things to teach you in the process! Every child is different - if you have more than one you already know this. Every family is different. Yours does not have to look exactly like what someone else thinks it should. It should only matter what God thinks about it. He will make it clear to you. But guilt is not the same thing as conviction. In fact, they are extremely different things. The only right thing to do is the thing that God says is right for
your family. No matter how strong the argument is that someone else is trying to convince you with. It never says in the Bible, "Thou shalt send your children to Sunday School" or "Thou shalt take your children into big church with you". Nope, this is not a matter of godly and ungodly. This is a matter of learning from the Wisest teacher of all - the Holy Spirit.
2. What is your motive?
This is not a fun question usually. It typically uncovers something ugly. Maybe you want to be seen as "more spiritual" as a family. Maybe you want to be seen as someone who "doesn't make an idol" of your family. Either way - pride can easily be at the root of this. When you decide to judge others, or let others judge you based on the preferences you have in worship, you are giving way to pride - and that is neither pretty, nor holy. I have heard this both ways. "The Lord teaches me so much when I have my kids with me. I am so selfish...." and "I just need time with Jesus. My family is not my idol. I love them, but God gets first place with me, so my kids don't need to take from that time." Both things can be said and it be good - and both things can be said and it is prideful. It all comes down to motive.
So, it gets easier from here to know what I think about all of it... homeschooling, private school, public school. Breastfeeding, bottles... it is all up to God. Even adoption. This is another "hot topic". You are not more godly if you adopt a child - necessarily. You are not selfish to want biological children - necessarily. Our family is not more holy because we had the deep desire to adopt in our hearts. Our family is not less holy because we had four biological children first. WHAT DOES GOD WANT FOR YOU? This is the only thing that matters. I think it is good for us to be prompted to think on these things. It is good to think about all the children who are already born that need love and so much more.... but it isn't a rule then that every "good Christian" should adopt. That is like saying not having children is a sin. It can be. But, it can also be what God calls you to- let Him be God for everyone else and just worry about what He says is His will for your family. You can share the ways the Lord uses things to help others have a different perspective. But, my perspective and your perspective are not God's. For His ways are higher than my own, as are His thoughts. That is the Truth of it all. He alone will judge the hearts of men.
Last rant before I sign off on this topic... if whatever you are doing is a constant struggle and you are not learning from the Lord. Seek His face. Ask Him to show you what is best. If you are constantly under condemnation (this is not from God) and feeling guilty - then you need to remember that it is better to live for the One who created you and can destroy your soul than to live to please any man. You may need to take some time to pray and read the Word and ask God what His will is for you. And, of course, if you are married - the answer is simple. Follow the lead of the one who was meant to lead you. :) For wives, that is the husband and (of course) Jesus. For the husband - that is Jesus.
Essentially, it all comes down to obedience. Are you doing it because everyone else does, or are you doing it because God said to? That is really all that matters. Really.
Celebrate that God has made your family uniquely for Himself. Set apart in your minds that He is the Lord of all - and surrender to that which He calls you to. It will by far be the best option!
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