Time keeps on tickin', tickin' away!

What?  

We are 1/4 done with 2011?  

Are you serious?   

Does anyone else feel like that?  

I am going to be intentional about slowing my life down!  

I will let you know when I find the exact recipe... but I think it has something to do with saying "no" more frequently and turning off all electrical devices every now and then.  I know - that seems CRAZY!  But, I mean it.  Something has to give!  So here is something I wrote in January.  It was a bucket list of sorts.  Not that I think I am necessarily not going to make it to 2012, but it is a combination of short term goals (like a new years resolution) and a bucket list (things I want to do (continually) before I die).  Already I am astonished at how little progress I have made - probably because I didn't keep this list handy before, but I am going to be more aware of the things that I want to do - really want to do this year (and continually)... 

Most people I talk to had a pretty rough 2010.  Not entirely.  There were weddings, births, birthdays, and Anniversary’s.  There were graduations and happy events.  But, there were funerals - people so young, deaths so tragic...  There were layoffs,  divorces and bankruptcies and simply difficult times making ends meet.  

January 1^st seems to be a time of renewal - at least somewhat.  A new year doesn’t bring back those that we love who have passed on.  It doesn’t ease the pain of divorce, or other tragedies...  But, doesn’t it give us a new starting point?  I think it makes it easier to remember that yesterday is not all that there is.  Though, none of us know if we will have tomorrow or not, the thought of the future seems to be in the forefront of our minds.  Today we will make choices that next year at this time we will either be really happy about, or we will regret.   

In 2009,  I had the privilege of walking in the Breast Cancer 3 Day.  That is an entirely different story, but that is where I saw this shirt, that has continued to leave an impression in my mind.  

Black shirt, white writing...

“Life is Choices.”  

Simply stated and yet terribly difficult to really grasp the vastness of those three words.  Every choice we make is going to determine, at least in part, the course of our lives from that point on.  I believe that (thankfully) we are not fully able to determine the course of our lives.  I believe that God is in control of the whole Universe - and He can take things I do that are destined for ruin and turn them into things that actually have worth.  I am not asking for a theological debate, but I think everyone would agree that some things in life just don’t make sense - and no one is fully in control of what happens in their lives.  We cannot stop someone we love from dying.  We cannot force our employer to keep us employed.  We cannot control many things in our day to day.  But, there are things that we can control- and that is what I really want to focus on.  

I determine how often I yell at my kids.

I determine how often I do something nice for someone, expecting NOTHING in return.

I determine how many times I hit the reset on the alarm - making it ever more difficult to get out of bed.

I determine how often I use my words to make someone feel better - and give them hope.

I determine how often I choose to see the worst in someone.  

I determine how often I choose to see the best in someone.  

I determine how many times a day I respond with kindness instead of irritation or anger.

These choices, these little choices determine many things about how my year will go.  It reminds me of “It’s a Wonderful Life”.  What a great picture of how the choices we make always affect other people.  Our choices almost NEVER just affect us.  Think of a few things...  And then try to think of something you do every day that doesn’t affect anyone else.   I mean it, take a minute to think it over.

Hard isn’t it? 

Even something as simple as tipping the pizza delivery guy, or not.  That choice affects other people.  Sometimes we are privileged enough to see how our choices affect others in a positive way, and sometimes we are privileged enough to see how our choices affect others in a negative way.  Hopefully we will learn from those times and press forward.

That is my number one resolution this year.  These are the things for my year’s “bucket list”.  I want to have a new Bucket List often - checking off many things just because I can - and it will help me to push for the things that are more difficult to attain.  

My 2011 Bucket List:

• I want to learn something every day.  I want to learn from my mistakes (and hopefully learn from others as well).  I want to learn how to affect my world in a gentler way, with kindness of speech and action.  
• I want to read a book a month (at least)
• I want to read a biography of someone with great faith (C.S. Lewis, or Hudson Taylor...)
• I want to determine not to think the worst of people - but to cut more slack and be kind no matter what.  
• I want to tell my husband something nice that I think of him every single day.
• I want my kids to see a mom who is in control of her temper - even when the buttons are all pushed at the same time.  
• I want to go to Colorado and sit under the stars out by the fire and sing a song.
• I want to write a letter to my dad and my grandmothers and tell them how much I love them.
• I want my husband to see a wife that is there for him - really there for him to hear him when he wants to talk - and when he doesn’t.  
• I want my family to see my love for them - unconditional and strong - regardless of the foolish decisions they might make.  
• I want to buy something really great - and then give it away to someone who needs it more.
• I want to read my Bible every single day - not because I am expected to, but because I love the Lord and want to know more about Him.
• I want to go to Kansas City to the International House of Prayer.
• I want to go to an old Bed and Breakfast and sit on the porch early in the morning and read...
• I want to bless someone through worship (singing) of my Savior.
• I want to drive way too far - to stay way too short - to hug a friend and tell her she’s great.
• I want to repair an old relationship and resolve to love better this time around.
• And most importantly, I want to bless the Lord with all that is in me...  

I want to lose weight and eat better and exercise too - but I have found that those aren’t the most important things...

Whatever your list, your resolutions, your hopes for this year - I pray a blessing for you and your family.  Thanks for reading mine.

Is it just me?

  







It has been so interesting to me lately to listen to what is being talked about...

It sounds like the end times. Wars. Rumors of wars. Hurricanes. Earthquakes. Pestilence. Disease. The earth is shaking and trembling under God's mighty hand. How much more can the earth take? How much more can the human race take?
I joke about being the lady with the cardboard sign at the top of my street - reading : REPENT, THE END IS NEAR. But, I mean it. Jesus IS coming back for us. What if these are the last days - not like, a thousand years is a day, or verbiage like that, but really... what if Jesus came back this Easter? (Please do not think I am attempting to actually guess when He is coming. Scripture is clear - even the Son does not know the time - only the Father...) but I just want you to think with me a minute. What would you do differently with your time? What would you make a priority and what would you chunk from your life altogether?

I had a strange dream the other night. I am not usually given to dreams that make any sense. This one was weird in the fact that it made sense, but it wasn't what I FEEL like would happen - it isn't what I THINK I would have chosen.
My house (in the dream) was on fire. I had gotten the children out. But, only a small distance away. And then, I WENT BACK IN. WHAT??? Yes, I went in for the photo albums and maybe a pillow my mom made and just random things... really random. I don't really remember them all. But, I remember thinking - even in my dream... what am I doing? Are my kids coming in after me? Are they safe? Why am I putting myself back in danger for these things that will all be burned up on "that day" anyway?
I can't get the scripture out of my mind "since the world will be destroyed in this way... what kind of lives should you lead?" (2 Peter 3:10-12) I just looked it up - because the words have just repeated in my head a thousand times over the last two days. Wow. He is coming for us!!! Get out your Bible right now and read it!
It talks about everything being burned up. Everything that is not eternal will be gone... and yet, how much time are we investing in the things that are not at all eternal?
I have been begging God to use me in the way that He created me. I want Him to help me reach my promised land on earth. I believe the psalmist got it right when he said, "surely I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living..." (Psalm 27). Yes, I believe the Lord created me for a purpose and my whole being is ACHING to be used in whatever way that is. I know what it is to long to be clothed with the eternal. All of creation longs to be clothed with eternity (Romans 8). I want to re-read "The Weight of Glory" by C.S. Lewis. I just remember being in awe of God and His plan - and stunned that He has given us glory, but MOVED to try and operate from that place, rather than the place the enemy tries to keep me.
Maybe my dream was a vivid picture for me of the futility of the "dailies". I have my kids just out of harms way (hopefully) while I keep my arms busy trying to maintain a house that is on fire. I always kind-of figured myself for a "let it burn" kind of girl. Get the kids out, cry a few minutes about the special things that are gone, and then, just sit in thankfulness that the important stuff was saved. Maybe it is not just about my house, but my spiritual house... what if I am feeding the desires of my flesh just a little too much - which is storing up treasures in a house that is going to burn to the ground. I don't know. But, I don't want to live like that. If He comes back this Easter, or 1000 decades from now, I know that I want every single day for the rest of my life to matter. I want to invest my whole life in the things that have eternal value. I want to find my friend Jennifer - tattoo's, piercing's and all - and just hug her or shake her until she comes to see her need for Jesus and the reality of Hell. I want to take Candice (our birth-mom) aside and tell her how much the King of Glory loves her - and find out for sure what she has done with Jesus Christ. I want to wake people from their sleep - and tell them - He is coming... He is coming.
The Lord Almighty - the King of Kings... the Alpha and Omega - the One who is and who is to come.... He. is. coming.

"Since it will all be destroyed... What kind of lives should you lead?"

Twelve Minutes

Time is an earthly thing. We run our lives by it... we must because everyone does. We have times to be at school or work, and times that are "free". Time to eat lunch, and time to go to bed... The Bible talks about times... It says that there is a time for every activity under heaven. "A time to be born and a time to die" is the first one it describes. The first two seasons under heaven mentioned are that of the beginning and of the end of our lives. There was a set apart time for Mia to be born. God knew exactly when that was. I never really doubted that He had our daughter in His capable hands through the adoption process. He is Sovereign and altogether perfect. Nothing catches Him off guard or surprises Him. So, on December the 4th He knew just when to prompt our birthmom to call the ambulance.
We were given Mia's medical papers a few weeks ago. I looked over every inch of the pages that we were given. I don't normally do that kind of thing. I get frustrated when I get a new cell phone because it doesn't work like my last one, and I don't like to take the time to read over the instructions. I am a bit lazy in regards to that, and quite honestly, disinterested... though, if I would read about it, I would save myself a lot of trouble with the device... Anyway, this was VERY different. I wasn't there when Mia was born. I wasn't there to watch Candice begin labor, or there as she came crying and a little blue into this world. So, I wanted to know every detail I could from these papers with very small - illegible handwriting.
As I read through the medical papers for our daughter, one of the first things I noticed was that Candice didn't have any pain medication... a million things flooded through my mind. I am a BIG advocate of the epidural. I love to enjoy my babies and hold them and not feel the complete and total pain of the delivery. I don't have a big spiritual opinion on that, but it has worked for me four times, and I don't regret it - even for one minute. Anyway, I just couldn't imagine it - how hard it would have been for her. This whole process would have been so painful emotionally... but now physically... I was heartbroken. And then as I kept reading every word... every line, I noticed something else. This was something that would make me even more in awe of our God. This God whom I KNEW held her in His hands...
Mia was born at 12:47 in the afternoon. Mia's birthmom, Candice was admitted to the hospital at 12:35 in the afternoon. Twelve minutes after she was admitted, there was a beautiful, blue, tiny baby girl in the delivery room. Mia wasn't breathing very well when she was born and had to have oxygen (this I also found out from the papers). Twelve minutes separated our little girl from being born in a house, not breathing well... and her actual delivery - safe and sound at St. Joe's hospital in Bryan. I can't put to words adequately how much peace that gives me. God timed it perfectly. Perfectly.
Twelve minutes... I can't blow dry my hair in twelve minutes. Two minutes extra of traffic, or five minutes more of waiting... every step that Candice made could have changed the outcome. God knew. He always knew. And He had His very loving hands all over our baby girl. It makes me look at each twelve minutes we're given. If you knew that any given decision you make in a day could affect another person's life that drastically - how would you live? I hope I am making sense. If you stopped for twelve minutes to talk to that lady that you see everyday, in the coffee shop that looks so lonely... how would that change you? How would it change her? If you left twelve minutes earlier for work - or for you workaholics, twelve minutes later... what would that do to your day? If you talked about Jesus to your friends for twelve minutes... do you see what I am saying? There is a time for everything under heaven. There is a time to cry and a time to laugh, a time to greive and a time to dance, a time to embrace and a time to turn away... a time to search and a time to quit searching... Ecclesiastes 3 is where God shows us that there is a season for everything... a time to live... a time to be born... Thank you, Father, that you knew her time... and you plotted every step to get her here safely. She is our little miracle baby. Four weeks early... five pounds, 2 ounces... and twelve minutes... I am in awe of our God all over again.

Adoption Coming Closer...

Well, as is the nature of adoption... each month that goes by is one month that we are closer to holding our sweet baby in our arms! Exciting times are coming as I will have two little ones running around in diapers and babbling! We have FINALLY done it. We have finally gotten everything done so that our lifebook can be put into circulation. I thought months ago it would be out... but now, really as of next week, we will be "out there"... Alright to all of you who said we were already "out there" :) Please be praying for Maddy. I didn't realize that she still thought we were just waiting on a birthmom to choose us, and it fostered a lot of doubt in her. Now that we really will be showing our lifebook, I will continually talk with them all about what a birthmom has to go through during this choosing process - hopefully taking the anxiety off of them and replacing it with a prayerful heart for her. We have now been able to talk about the fact that our lifebook wasn't even being shown, and it did help, but I really want her to understand that even if it takes another 9 months to be chosen, God has all of the timing worked out... and He knows everything about our baby!

I am so excited that the time has really come! We are really all done getting paperwork filled out! I couldn't be more thrilled about it. I praise God for our adoption agency APO. They continually kept in contact with us - spurring us on, to get everything done. They are such a loving group of people. I love them truly. Praise God with me that we are almost there... ha! Almost ready to wait again :) I will keep you informed how it all goes, but rejoice with me that we are here!